✈️ TRAVELING - 12 Rules on Plane Etiquette ✈️

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While I sit at the airport waiting for my flight to board, I got to thinking about what it's like to be a serial traveller. Recently I have had to travel for work a lot more than usual and it amazes that some people still have no clue how they affect people around them and this phenomenon is magnified when locked up in a small flying spam can. What some would say is common courtesy others are completely oblivious to, so today I am going to write up some not so common etiquette rules.

1. The chair in front is not a disabled toilet handrail.
   This is quite possibly my biggest gripe and the reason it grabs the number spot. This is especially agitating when I am trying to get some sleep after a 16 hour day at work. Never pull on the chair in front of you, just never. If you struggle to get to the aisle, put the armrests up and scoot your way over. Even better yet, book an AISLE SEAT!
2. Shoving big hard objects in my rear
   In a bid to save as much money as possible, airline company's have reduced the back comfort of a seat to an almost non-existent thin layer of "padding". This, in turn, means that when you shove your square 2-litre water container in the tiny pocket, you can rest assured it is now sticking in the back of the poor helpless sap in front of you. The pocket is for thin items like spew bags, passports, and light reading material. That's it!
3. Middle seat gets the armrests, not negotiable
   This rule, to frequent fliers, is understood yet to the average punter it is either unknown or ignored. In the middle seat you are stuck between two strangers, you have no window to look out of, or more importantly, no window shade to control. You have no free access to the bathroom or the extra leg room when the aisle is clear of food and drinks cart. The least you can get is two armrests.
4. Letting your child kick the seat in front of him
   I am not going to explain this any more than that. If you do, you are a shit person and deserve to never be allowed to fly again and possibly lose your child to the authorities.
5. Rushing down the aisle once landed
   You are not more important than anybody else, if you were, you would be sitting in business class with a glass of bubbly and reading the New York Times. Be patient, wait, and plan your trip better if you are always in such a rush. Checking-in online as soon as it opens or joining a flyer programme where you can choose your preference usually stops unwanted seating at the back of the bus with the other window lickers.
6. Crossing over your seat boundary
   Another straightforward one but the number of times I have been hit in the head with an arm or just basic invasion of my personal space is just ridiculous. In 20 years of travel, I have never needed to come into yours so get it together man.
7. Keeping your seat reclined while dinner service is on
   Not a biggy but it goes a long way in just being considerate to your fellow travellers. Not everyone is 5ft4 and not every plane gets the seating right when it is designing the reclining function.
8. Going the toilet immediately as the meal trolley begins
   The number of people that I watch embarrassingly try to manoeuver around trolley carts because they were foolish enough to get up during the dinner service is nothing short of astonishing. Either people have extremely poor bladder control or even worse timing but it's not a complicated science. You will need to make calculations depending on the length of your flight and your seat positioning but a good rule of thumb is they are going to start the first service within the 30 mins of the seatbelt sign turning off, so go as soon as the seatbelt light goes off or be prepared to wait at least 1 hour, that's how long it can take them.
9. Offer to help if someone is struggling to get their luggage in the storage
   It takes only a few seconds and not only helps the traveller struggling but also everyone else who is waiting. Don't ask, just get up and do it.
10. Move bitch (escalators/travelators)
    European countries have this sorted but us folk from more laid-back parts of the world can't seem to grasp the concept, even if the sign saying so is blatantly staring us right in the face. Escalators and travelators are designed for one thing and one thing only, to move people quickly but safely. Have you ever thought about that guy that came rushing up quickly behind you only to stop dead in his tracks because your bag was blocking the path? Did you ever think why he was coming up so quickly? Maybe, just maybe, he is running late for his flight? So MOVE! Your bag goes in front of you, not to the side.
11. Be prepared for security
    9/11 was a long time ago and security has not taken a drastic step backwards. If you don't fly often, check your airline or the airport's website. Protip: You can't take liquids onboard, check that shit! Get organised before you get to the conveyor or pull over before you get there and let people pass as you get everything in order.
12. Don't crowd the baggage claim conveyor
    There's just no reason and sheeple being sheeple everyone will follow making it harder for people to get the stuff off the conveyor.

Well, like always, I hope you enjoyed. Please note tounge being firmly in cheek while writing this and hope you all have a smooth and pleasant flying experience.

Peace!