About Summer (YAY!) and finding Strength

Dear Steem,

If this wasn't obvious yet one of my favourite things in Life are incredible city views.

As Summer finally decided to step-in the UK we went to the Sky Garden for an evening-out!

Located 35th floor of the Walkie-Talkie building you will be able to find this well-renowned place to enjoy the best City views AND extremely expensive restaurant / drinks. (Welcome to London love.)

That may be an unpopular opinion but the City is for now my favourite part of London. I just feel in sync with the area.

But well, let me just say I would go to the Peckham's Rooftop (1st photo) if I have a sudden need for city views next time. Overall more crazy and young. Definitely less expensive.

We had the most delish Korean buns from the market a few minutes away, Peckham's just great for street food I guess.

There's always been two sides fighting for control within myself;

1/The business-minded achievement orientated person, just loves fancy places. Happy to pay a bit more considering the overall experience rather than the real value of the service.

2/The wild rebel teen at heart, likes to live crazy stuff out of the limits. Can be a tiny bit strange.

Option 2 won over that one.

Life is that great adventure and I want to experience it all. If in London or Paris let me know what's your favourite places to go for breathtaking city views! I'd love to discover more! (And yes, I'm aware Sushi Samba exists. Meh.)

Enjoying the beautiful weather lately made me think how much Winter was long this year in the U.K.

I don't know about you but dealing with the snow in February / March really brought my morale down. Big times.

Coupled with the fact that I had incredibly hard times then also made me appreciate how sunny days arrived and welcomed a way more stable and peaceful life situation.

I felt terribly trapped earlier this year.

Long story short, I was stuck in a contract living in a flat I hate with toxic, deeply unhappy people.

It's fairly usual to experience living with strangers when moving-in London as a UK citizen due to the horrendous property market and the overall rent situation.

The mistake was to sign a contract where I needed the two other tenants to sign as well to approve of the tenant that would replace me for myself to be able to move-out. (Mental. I know.)

Thinking I have let myself being in such a difficult and vulnerable position makes me incredibly sick. Seriously disgusted.

This was my real 3rd flatshare experience. I hated even thinking about going back there when my day at work was done (and I am usually working late in the evenings!).

I was supposed to call that place 'Home'.

I realised after two years and a half that I had enough of it all and decided to rent my own studio flat, despite sacrificing the whole financial aspect of my life to the monthly rent.

Although as mentioned above, this wasn't that easy and I could simply just not decide to move-out. I was staying and paying rent for an awful flat through an absolute incompetent estate agency to live with bitter and ever-unsatisfied 'wannabe victims of their own life' kind of people. Urgh.

I'd recognise there is two times in my life which have been the most difficult until now:

1/ Battling against eating disorder and being in such a poor health state I could barely move myself out of bed for an entire year. (I was 19).

2/ The situation described above.

The first situation was the crippling fear of being paralysed, not being able to move anymore.

My health was mentioned everyday and doctors could not point out what was wrong with my body, which was frightening.

The second situation was being legally trapped and bind to a piece of paper I should never have signed and giving my power and independence away to nasty people.

& Surprisingly, writing this down makes me feel good and I realised the following:

Life has put me in front of two extremely difficult situation, one being physical health (although deeply linked with mental health), the other was about sticking with my self-esteem while I was facing people acting in such bad faith and trapping me in a horrendous situation against my will.

I have therefore physically (situation 1) and morally (situation 2) faced what's scares me the most as a human being: being utterly and completely powerless.

I've done it. I've survived. Try to break me now.

I would lie if I say I've came out stronger of the second life situation. It's still very recent and while it is finished now and I will be able to grow from it very soon; It's simply too fresh to be able to say 'Lessons learnt'.

I'm rebuilding my self-esteem and while it demands a lot of patience it is a journey I'm trying to enjoy.

My point is, healing takes time. But more importantly it takes action!

The bullet-point list of what made me hold on at the time;

-Nourishing yourself and your self-esteem. Truly important to take time with yourself and be kind. Especially with your thoughts. You're facing a lot, allow you the chance to fight back and be by your side.
That seems like the most natural thing to say, although we tend to be harsh with ourselves at All Times.
Take care of yourself, otherwise there won't be anybody left to sort what you're dealing with.

-Holding-on to your values despite facing the most disgusting behaviours a human being can have is GREAT. Know what you are, stand for what you defend.
Seriously, they just hate trying to provoke you and for you to stand your grounds and reply with what they deserve: Silence.
All bark no bites kind of people makes a whole lot of empty noises, do not address them.

-Reaching-Out. To your loved-ones, to know you're supported, that what you're going through isn't normal, that you did not deserve this.
That what you're going through is usually not Life. It's just a shitty situation.
That was for me at least, never met those kind of people my WHOLE life until then. Lucky, lucky me.
Friends and family were so supportive. They laughed and joked, listened and supported me throughout this absurd situation. This has seriously lightened-up the whole thing, taking the pain and gravity away.

Hell I even had to explain my distress to my boss who was sincerely worried I wasn't myself anymore, which is so problematic when you consider a freaking home problem threatens your very career. (We could die, or worst GET EXPELLED! ;D)

When being in such an awful situation opening-up and sharing allows you to zoom-out. It welcomes understanding, compassion, and therefore a bit of confidence.

Which brings me to my final point.

-Resilience. Because what you're living and going through Now is not your Life! You have seen so much and still have so much to see. Isn't it comforting?

Life is not just in front of you when you're young, life is always in front of you until it's not anymore; you won't ever be able to know exactly when.

Whatever age or person you are please keep improving your life!

This hasn't been easy to go through this. So do not worry facing whichever problem as you do at the moment and feeling this won't ever end, that's natural.

I was exhausted. I sincerely locked myself in a bathroom and laid on the floor while crying for minutes and minutes once.

I've called people close to me and said I was starting thinking about giving-up on myself.

When in those extreme situation this is not about being in control and completely stable, how could you.

This is just about Holding-On.

If you feel powerless or trapped about your situation right now, I would recommend you to play or watch a playthrough of Far from Noise.

This has helped me letting go, which is certainly something I have huge problem doing, and is such an all around beautiful emotional game. -> https://store.steampowered.com/app/706130/Far_from_Noise/

BAAAAAACK to the present and sweet happiness (Phew THAT WAS HEAVY lawl)

From the business side of things (as there is always one in everything with me) we've sent our first PICNIC orders away this month.

PICNIC is a lunch delivery service which do sound very summery but you can enjoy it all year long as it's mostly delivered to your office.

I'll write a whole article about it later on, but would you be in London I'd recommend you to try.

Healthy delish modern menu, suits every dietary requirement and comes in gorgeous packaging with a super fit delivery guy in uniform bringing your lunch to your desk.

What's not to like.

I wanted to end this post quoting my favourite motto. Fluctuat nec Mergitur.

"Tossed by the waves but does not sink".

This wall has been painted after we've lost 130 people, Parisians and else, following November's 2015 terrors attack.

Being in Paris at the time, I remember taking the underground and being stuck regularly in a immobilised train for 5 minutes due to "suspicious luggage" meaning risk of another potential terrorist attack happening next to us.

Everybody was still very much in shock of the previous weeks events, and deeply saddened.

We were giving each other's look during these few minutes which seemed like eternity at the time, caught in this strange, empty atmosphere of the stopped train.

I remember a retired couple hugging gently seated next to each other, and a lady standing next to the trains doors staring at the floor.

Her eyes troubled and saddened.

She was holding on to something's next to her like she was slightly stressed-out.

Who would not be in this situation.

For a second though she looked at me. And smiled. Same expressions in her eyes.

Perhaps the first time in the Parisian métro where someone would not stare at you to judge your outfit or your weight.

I won't ever forget that moment and the Love I feel for the city of Paris. For what is (also) Home.

The fact that we were all in the tube that day is the living proof that no matter how poor were the circumstances at the time, Parisians decided to keep on living.

Taking the tube is going out. Shopping, business matters, seeing family or friends and still deciding to enjoy your café crème seated at a terrace.

It would not be fair saying none of us feared being caught in another terrorist attack.

Fear is an awful, paralysing feeling. It can certainly influence your actions but it does not have enough strength to take control over them, you do.

No matter how bad your present circumstances are, understand this is a base for you to build things upon, to keep going.

Fluctuat Nec Mergitur still is a symbol to this mindset and what keeps me going throughout life's ups and down.

Take a peek at the bigger picture and rise above today's obstacles.

This is how I enjoy my sunny days, and mostly how I find my strength.