The Beautiful Ocean, Vague and Empty
In its depth is a world teeming with beautiful creatures you can never have. Creatures living in harmony together, with beauty you can only appreciate from a distance. You dive deeper, stay longer and it will lose its charm. It gets darker and colder that sometimes it is better to look at it than to be in it. It is a vast field of blue where a ship passes and things disappear. The ocean however beautiful can also be vague and empty.
You are used to the glorified version of our lives as long-term travelers, yet another name of a place, a bunch of photos, another story written with words just being repeated, only in a different time and place. But even the people in it are just being repeated, seemingly unique but all talking about the same thing. I see no emotion behind these stories anymore. A travel memoir is becoming a pretense, making you feel like it is really all sunny days out there. What must have been forgotten to include? The lonely walk back to the hotel room, the inevitable goodbyes, another set of strangers, the 24-hour friendships, someone who didn't become your lover, another museum, and the same story of our lives just being echoed. If you have been bitten by the bug, chances are, you will be addicted to the doom and gloom or should I say the other side of freedom.
I am alone in the midst of these happy, reasonable voices. All these creatures spend their time explaining, realizing happily that they agree with each other. In Heaven's name, why is it so important to think the same things all together.
― Jean-Paul Sartre
It turned out, freedom is not free.
It has also been easier for me to generalize because it is hard to be unique after all, if there really are, these people must be hard to find as they are hidden to save themselves from the sameness of everything. Being amongst these typical travelers, I will not go through all the trouble of uniquely identifying ourselves to save some energy.
It seems nice and perfect from a distance indeed, but when you start to forget all the details, when you repeat the same thing and when you are on the outside looking in, you will try your best to portray the happy version. Your thoughts are the murky waters. You bring yourself wherever you are. Happiness is an inside thing, something that cannot be achieved by changing locations, admiring handsome boys, traveling for a long time and having nice things.
You have all the weight and the burden of making your own choices, and what to do in your freedom. Can you imagine that big responsibility? You are now a tiny drop in the ocean, free-flowing. You are not that special to anyone anymore.
You belong to no city, to nowhere, to no one and you wonder if you really feel the same after all this time. Behind those sweetened words about the weather, places, and people you might never even belong to could be emptiness, regret, and sadness. All masking as beautifully written stories. Are you too good to belong, too insecure, or is it just nobody wants to have a bird who will escape? If it’s the latter, then you should begin to question yourself. After all, you should always do some reanalyzing to figure out if the people need to change, or is it you who really needs to change? Because the illusion is that people will change, sad thing isn’t it?
We are our choices.
― Jean-Paul Sartre
The other side is definitely greener, but be careful what you wish for as they say. Is it better to be alone in paradise or be with someone in prison? Getting used to the constant changes can make you strong, strong enough to cut-off your feelings, drowning in the cold waters of reason. Know when it is just better to swim in the ocean while it is enjoyable and remember when it is time to swim back to the shore.
What I'm beginning to see as I watch all these travel vlogs and read all the blogs, is that freedom is in the mind. I've spent a lot of time working on myself recently and I feel freer at home in my own room than I ever have previously when travelling, because I was trapped inside all this internal crap I needed to deal with.
I do admire people who travel full time and I know lots of them are happy, but a lot of the things you mention (friendships you missed out on, the constant goodbyes) are things that I think would actually drain me more than sustain me long term. I think a lot of people are fooled into thinking travelling the world will solve all their problems (just like having all the money will solve their problems) when it just presents you with a different set of circumstances to deal with. I think you need to be able to find joy where you are first before just automatically expecting it of travel.
Wonderful post.
And wonderful comment. You are right, sometimes we can be just happy here in our own rooms, reading, writing or doing nothing. It makes us feel freer. A life we don't need to escape from. These travel bloggers sometimes just forgot to write "What you don't know about traveling?"
It's nice to travel but at some point, it is also nice to have a place/person you can call 'home'.
Another great post.
You are the only person I have ever read, that sums up my perspective so precisely. ( far,far better than I can do myself ).
It's quite Trippy.
Very few see this side - only the 'freedom'.
I find the incessant over exuberance of the 'time out' traveler, to be a little bit.....well.......grating.
(A jealousy, of that feeling, of that excitement, now lost, perhaps ? - I don't know)
Maybe it is the curse of the long term traveler.
(whatever that may be.)
I think my celestial GPS has a virus - it stopped working years ago!
I'll blame it to ' the curse of the long term traveler.'
Oh well, we like what we don't have.
It is interesting though
The last, say 4 years, I haven't really traveled as such. And I am not itching to.
Which is a new experience, after 20 years of non stop itching.
( ... thats probably from all the bed bugs in the hostels, come to think of it.)
I now live a very chilled out life, in Thailand, not doing much - and the funny thing - I really, really like it!
I am more 'centred' than I have ever been.
I've been to Thailand years ago, just not a fan of a mainstream overrated place. Food is good though.
Traveling steemians seem to be in Thailand these days lol.
I live in the sticks - 8 meters form the jungle.
After my beach resort/diving school days, I kinda stay away from the touristy area.
I am a shit 'tourist', tbh.
Have fun
Great observantion! I like Sartre quotes, they are so wise and deep!
like always, you did justice to it. Seriously, i love the way you write hope you have a book already.
They say when you get to Rome, behave like the Romans. But this those not always apply, because sometime its the world that needs to change and not us.(when we are at peace with our self if not, no getting away, or sightseeing will do the work you ought to do for your self.) Nice one
Thank you.