Hopes and Dreams, Lost and Found

in #thoughts6 years ago

Have you ever been robbed and had something personal taken from you? Perhaps it was misplaced or broken accidentally but I think that most of us have experienced a feeling of loss at some point in our lives as something we care about is taken from us.

We may look into the mirror and see graying hair and deepening wrinkles and wonder what happened to our youth, walk up stairs and be out of breath or feel our knees ache and wonder where our vigor disappeared to. Eventually, time steals all things, no matter how valuable they may have once been.

But what of our hopes and dreams, are they still possible to attain or have they been stolen too?

I take life quite seriously at the moment, as I feel I must since I wasted so much of my time in the past. It wasn't doing nothing it was doing something but, that something mostly amounted to nothing. It really couldn't have ever led to anything other than nothing, but at the time, it felt like something.

I was played, fooled into an attractive system that engaged me, gave me positive feedback and made me feel like what I was doing meant something, that it was important. But, what it really was was a distraction and an avoidance of what I needed to do to have a shot at reaching my potential.

It sucked me in, patted me on the back and made me feel like I was achieving, made me feel that I was successful even though it returned nothing of great value other than that feeling and, a forgetfulness of responsibility. It was stealing my hopes and dreams but because I was occupied, I did not realize the cost I was paying.

Day in, day out, I consumed more and more and if pulled away I would get withdrawals or be waiting impatiently for my next hit like the addict I was. Sitting there hour after hour consuming the creations of others while my mind atrophied, my own creativity dimmed.

My body and mind was aging yet I was not using it, my potential seeped out without ever being thrown into the mix, my life was fading into a self-imposed cycle of repetition and drudgery. And, it felt good to succumb, to be immersed in the experience for hour on end in an illusion, a world created to hold me in place.

Opportunity after opportunity passed me by as the few that were not like me walked steadily into a better existence, while my own reality struggled. The more struggle I faced, the stronger the addiction pulled at me, the more comfort it provided until one day, enough was enough.

It was time, my eyes opened as if for the first time in decades and I realized what I had become, livestock for the one percent. I was a cash cow that had no idea it was fenced in, maintained, controlled, I just ate what was given and felt satisfied.

I felt content even though I was not learning, not growing, not discovering and worst of all, not creating. What had happened to that boy who hoped to do so much, the teenager that was filled with potential, the youth who had idea after idea, good, bad and everything in between? He was gone, stolen and disappeared into the fog.

From that moment on, I have been searching for him, at times crawling on hands and knees to look for his footprints, for any trace of where he may be kept locked away, hidden. I have found bits and pieces of him, fragments of what he has dropped like breadcrumbs left in a last ditch effort to be saved.

With each piece discovered, I do not lament its loss, I do not regret its misplacement. I have spent too much time sitting still to worry of what is lost, I most take what is found and use it the best I can to find myself, realize some of what I could be.

I look in the mirror and see time has passed but, I have time ahead still and more importantly, the moment is not yet taken from me. It is now I can act, it is now I can push myself to see who I am and discover what I can do with me. Now is my time to put down the addiction of illusion and take reality back into my hands.

It is from here that my creativity is born, it is here that my energy comes and my resilience to failure gets its strength. No more avoidance, no more reliance on the comfort of illusion. Time to stand free and face what comes.

I see many opportunities, many I cannot take because I am unprepared, unlearned, ignorant of what is, unwilling to be aware, overzealous in the acceptance of fantasy. Someone else's fantasy that generated massive values but returned very, very little to the users. No more, it is time to take responsibility again.

It is now that I have realized the game I thought myself too clever to fall into, too smart to get addicted, intelligent enough to beat. After thousands of hours spent being entertained, I have realized there is little more entertaining than the exploration of the reality life offers.

My hopes and dreams may change, my potential may never be truly met, but it isn't going to be because I offer it up to be stolen by those who only have a bottom line on their mind. I will fight my fall into illusion and I will do all I can to help others stay free if they so ask.

We all feel overwhelmed at times and a helping hand to lean into the wind and walk together is more valuable than a cave in which to hide from life's storm.

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]

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I look in the mirror and still have hopes and dreams and nothing has changed. This dream is still very much on though.

The dream is very much alive :D

Nice to get some back story on how you’re able to work so hard everyday! Whenever I stop by, I’m always motivate to write!

Posted using Partiko iOS

I am glad it has that effect on you.

Btw, I just had a look at the @ocdb whitelist and you are on it. Just in case you didn't know.

I really don't use bots but I have been reading about it and I like the concept. How do you get whitelisted? Thanks!

It is whitelisted through curation only via @ocd as far as I know.

Why do I have this feeling that you're talking about your steel experience?

I'm a bit panicky. Just thinking about the possibility that everything I'm doing here will amount to nothing. A strange and uncomfortable feeling

Posted using Partiko Android

I am talking of a time well before Steem. This might amount to nothing here but then, I don't think what I have done on Steem is nothing, regardless of the value that may never be realized. While I spent years consuming, here I have spent years creating and it has been enlightening and filled with lessons. I don't think it is going to amount to nothing financially either though.

I agree with you here - whatever the future of steemit - The time I've spent here creating -doing something I've never done before - carries it's own value, for sure.. never lost.
(for me)

You are not the only one I know that for certain. All it takes is a friday night of boredom and the trigger finger starts to itch... triggers and actions, that's all it is. Something that I've taken years to figure out and understand myself.

Funny how the universe works. This was just what I needed to see to reinforce a belief I squashed at the start of the week. Thank you.

There are so many ways to distract and avoid these days and while we aren't happy in our experience, we also don't want to do the work to change it in any way.

I am glad you connected with it.

Man, I feel so similar at times as until the last couple of years I thought I was achieving what I wanted with a great career and making more money than I really thought I would but with that came the drag of consumerism and the need to spend everything I make which trapped me into a vicious cycle that now requires me to keep working for the benefit of others instead of myself. Now that I found #STEEM, I feel I am building something much better for me and others that want to feel different... Let's keep it going!

I feel I am building something much better for me and others that want to feel different... Let's keep it going!

I feel much the same which means in some way I feel some kind of duty to the community for the future. I don't plan on stopping.

we need to start dividing steem into more areas of inquiry interest, ala kickstarter ... that could help monetize things better, instead lame categories like "color of the day" and that silliness

Lol. Yeah I agree and it is coming slowly but surely. The apps will separate content heavily eventually and people will find their place more easily.

Is it Mauve today?

oh I can very much relate to these feelings Taraz. Sometimes I feel like I'm just wasting time that will never come back, and it makes me sad and frustrated. But it's never too late to do new things and start living the life you want for yourself. It's hard to "find your purpose". I don't think I found mine yet. Maybe I need to stand under a bright light like Ned LOL

Sometimes I feel like I'm just wasting time that will never come back, and it makes me sad and frustrated

Maybe it gives a chance to reflect on what we are doing and make changes if we dare.

Maybe I need to stand under a bright light like Ned LOL

I think under bright lights everything gets illuminated :D

Very well said. There are many times i ponder where my dreams went from when i was younger. I realize a few years that when we are young, we don't truly understand life. We understand it more and more the older and more experienced we get. For me, i have realized people and doing for others is the most important thing.

Dreams change, the evolve; if they did not, they would fail. So, don't lose focus or hope.
Ren

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Thanks for the reminder as after SF I was meant to come and check you guys out :)

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