Thanksgiving Fiction Writing Contest by @honeydue

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Warning: This is a Satirical Look at One Persons Traditional Thanksgiving.

Bess’ Thanksgiving Blessings

Today being Thanksgiving Day I am totally grateful for some many things.

I am grateful that I didn’t burn the ever livin’ Bee Gees outa my turkey. Seem to do it every year. Bud says I’m just a natural born cook.

The taters look a might under done, but my handy dandy masher outa do the trick. A big blob o' butter and yer ready ta go!

The peas and carrots got a tad mushy. 'Em is the breaks. Don’t them British guys have a dish called mushy somethin' or other? I’ll just tell ‘em were goin’ international this year.

Oh, my land o’ lakes! I done completely forgots the stuffin’! Gramps will never forgive me this sin!

I’ll just fry up some onions and throw in some chunks of old bread I got in the cupboard, smother on some gravy and Bob’s yer Uncle. I am mighty grateful for that old bread in the pantry.

I didn’t get around to the gravy soon enough. I left it burbling away and sure enough it’s stuck to the bottom of ole Hilda, my cast iron pot. And just when things were lookin’ up, too.

Uncle Lester ate up all the pumpkin pie last night. Said he didn’t know it was for dinner today. Anything left on the counter or in the fridge is fair game. I am grateful he didn’t eat cranberries.

I’ll just make up a squash puddin’. I’ll throw some of that white gunk on there and no one will be the wiser.

I am really grateful that Cuz’n Billy Bob will be joining us this year, with this being his first Thanksgiving outa prison and all.

Granps and Granms should be swinging by soon. I am so grateful that they aren’t in hospital after having that there accident last week. Totalled their spankin' new Harley hawg.

We’ll all set down to dinner and make total pigs of ourselves. The guys will then plunk down on the couch and behave like the couch potatoes that they is. Gotta lov’em to bits. I am grateful for these Kodiak moments.

The hounds will be ever grateful for the scraps tossed out. I’ll be grateful if I don’t need the vet afterwards.

I am grateful when the day is over since I’ve been slaving over the darned stove most o’ the day.

Tomorrow brings my favorite day off all...Black Friday at Walmart!