God, I hate Thanksgiving.

in thanksgiving •  3 years ago 


If you're an American, Thanksgiving is looming large in your mind right now. It's probably one of the most heinous of holidays, considering how it's a commemoration of the beginning of the end of Native American civilization at the hands of white imperialist colonizers; between Thanksgiving and Columbus Day, the two holidays are lovely bookends to the whole "wholesale slaughter of indigeonous peoples" theme that the New World was founded on.


Just Asking For It

Of course stating such can get you branded as a pariah in some circles, especially statist ones. Those American flag-sniffing "patriots" start crying whenever you disrespect This Great Nation, after all, and voicing anything that doesn't fit in the American national narrative can subject you to all sorts of harassment. "If you don't like it here, leave," is my favorite. Especially since it implies that once you do leave the country, you'll end up somewhere that would now be subject to America's foreign policy. No, I think I'll stay right where I am, thank you very much.

The worst part about Thanksgiving is that abominable tradition of the roast turkey. I fucking hate turkey, man. It's just a giant chicken that's impossible to cook right. Plus, Americans have turned wild turkeys into a deplorable shadow of their former selves thanks to our domestication and breeding efforts. To ensure there's enough turkey to go around, the birds have been bred - over-bred, really - within an inch of their lives. Many turkey farms have bred their birds to have so much breast meat that they need to be artificially inseminated to reproduce. You read that right: your turkey is too fat to fuck.

Not that wild turkeys are so fantastic, either. They're vicious, mean-spirited assholes, and they travel in packs. Their only true reason for living is to get lodged in car radiators and/or chase you through the woods until you inevitably turn and give one a good punt to the wattle.


Literally Nothing Good About Them

There's not much that's endearing about turkeys besides the fact that they're essentially ugly peacocks. The little scrotum-faced bastards are revered as high cuisine around Thanksgiving, and it makes me twitch about how firmly entrenched they've become as part of the American Narrative. Eat your turkey on Thanksgiving day, you fat fuck, and then go spend money you can't afford on Friday. Because a good American means being a better consumer.

That's why I was rolling in the aisles when I read how the Zapotec people of Oaxaca had been domesticating turkeys as early as 400-500 CE. This is great. Not only were Native Americans eating domesticated turkey a good thousand years before the first asshole white "settler" showed up here with bottles of booze and smallpox blankets, indigenous people were having their own Thanksgiving dinners whenever they wanted. The best part is that they're not even North American Indians either - they're Mesoamericans. Too late to build that wall, assholes!

Seriously, fuck Thanksgiving.

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Fan-fuckin-tastic! Kudos for this truth bomb!

Lol thanks, though it's more of a grumpy old man rant than a truth bomb!

Or a perfect mixture of both. Haha

Lol. This made me chuckle. We don't have thanksgiving but we do have your associated sales for some bizarre reasons - shops will use any excuse. I totally agree with turkey - I have never eaten turkey that actually tasted good. Why we have it at Christmas I will never understand. It is always dry and generally tasteless and the legs have those weird sinewy bits in them- I think they are tendons but sometimes they seem to be calcified - they always get stuck in my teeth. They are huge I suppose but who cares when nobody wants to eat them? The majority gets frozen and then thrown away a few months later.

These days I insist on goose or just chicken instead - they are much better.

I will be honest and admit that I've never actually had goose. I've eaten chicken, turkey, ham, venison, duck, rabbit, and even buffalo, but for some reason never got around to goose.

Geese can be assholes too, though. Especially those big, nasty, white farm geese. If any animal deserves to be slaughtered and consumed, it's those fuckers.

Elk... (not the same as Venison) Elk is awesome... my favorite red meat so far. Ever had that one?

I haven't, but I bet it tastes similar to venison! I'd like to try caribou as well, just so I could say I've eaten reindeer.

Venison (Deer) which I've eaten a lot of is more gamey tasting than Elk.

I had Mountain Lion (Cougar) once. :)

I've eaten a few couga-- oh wait NOT THE SAME THING

They are tasty though. I'd say it's somewhere between duck and chicken in terms of consistency and flavour. The most evil birds are swans though - they just have a bad attitude. Don't ever try to take a photo of one - they will come after you!

You can't eat them here - they all belong to the Queen and only she can eat them now! People used to eat them a lot in the past though.

Yes it's the perception of being thankful from a time when Indians were being "invaded."

It's pretty hypocritical, don't you think? Then again history is always told by the victors.

ha! well said.

I didn't know about this. Thank your for sharing.

Glad you enjoyed what you read!

One year I was visiting Bioware, Inc. in Edmonton, AB Canada and I happened to be there in October when they have their Thanksgiving. I actually encountered it twice in one year, yet I don't know if the reason for the Canadian Thanksgiving is the same as that of the U.S.

Though I do often have a different reason to celebrate Thanksgiving on some years. I happened to have been born on Thanksgiving day and once in awhile my birthday still falls on Thanksgiving. It doesn't all of the time due to the fact Thanksgiving is a roving Thursday rather than being an actual set date. :)

So some years it is my birthday, and I do enjoy the food for Thanksgiving more than cake, so I like those years.

That does not qualify this year.

That's actually really cool that you got to visit Bioware. I'm a big fan of their older games up until they were bought out by Electronic Arts!

Being born on Thanksgiving can certainly be stressful. It's not a "cool" holiday like Halloween or Guy Fawkes Day.

Could be worse though, you could have been born on Christmas. I mean then you always get those combination Christmas/birthday presents. Must be awful!

It kind of sucked when I was at a kid. As an adult I really like it because the food is more to my liking than cake and such. :)

And yes I interviewed for a Multiplayer Technical Designer position for a game called Dragon Age: Origins (old game now) and they flew me and my wife there. I had a good chance of getting the job, but as you may have notices DA:O didn't actually end up having multiplayer so the position disappeared. I worked with them on the final Neverwinter Nights 1.69 patch and I was told I should apply for some other positions and I'd found out if I took the job I could potentially lose custody to my kids from my first marriage if I moved that far so I chose not to pursue it. My kids are adults now and I'm glad I didn't. I still make games but I do it on my own time schedule and I make what I want. That makes me happy. It is more a side job/hobby as I do have a full time job as a Network Engineer.

I have fond memories of playing DA:O when it came out! Shame about the scrapped multiplayer, but it sounds like it really worked out for the best with your kids.

WOW! Crude, but I see your point. I will just add that turkeys deserve to be killed. I can't wait until I get the chance to decapitate one with my 12 gauge.

Yeah, I can be crude. Sorry if it bothered you! Take it out on the next wild turkey you find.

It didn't bother me. I just hate aggressive birds and get pleasure in ending them with a rifle or shotgun blast.

Damn, man. Tell us how you really feel.

I'm just grumpy because I went food shopping today and I was behind 12 people at the checkout with Thanksgiving turkeys.

Well, I am sure it will delight you to know,

The truth about Thanksgiving is even worse!

The concept that we celebrated thanksgiving with the indians near plymoth rock is just made up. If you want to read the real bit of history... well there is the holding the crew of the ship captive until they agreed to break their bond, there is the...

Oh, this is supposed to be about thanksgiving...
In those days thanksgiving wasn't a holiday, it was a holy day. If you had a bit of good luck, or you literally dodged a bullet, you would declare a day of thanks giving. In which you prepared a feast and gave thanks that you were (still ) alive, and thank God that was so.

It wasn't a holiday until President Lincoln. You see, they were conscripting people into the army in New York (rounding up the poor) and the poor in New York started rioting. To quell the rioting, the general ordered the men to shoot down the street. This stopped the riot, but made a lot of people anxious and upset. Many northern states were not happy about what Lincoln was doing to the south and were calling to succeed.

So, President Lincoln called for a holiday. That there would be a national "thanks giving" day. In order to calm the people.

Some of this I knew, but not all of it. Thanks for sharing, this is great!

If by great you mean fucking horrifying.

Did you know that turkyes are the closest living ancestors of velocyraphtors?

Is it definitely turkeys? I thought it was chickens.

Then again chickens are kind of related to turkeys too, so it wouldn't surprise me. Turkeys are definitely mean enough to be feathery little velociraptor spawn.

It's turkeys. Definitely. And if you knew what they are like when they are alive (in opposite to being in a Thanksgiving supper), you would not be surprised at all.

I am thankful to my ancestors who fought off the invading "white" armies and became one of the few indigenous people in the Himalaya's to stay an Independent Nation through-out the occupation of Asia by the Europeans.

But the sad fact is they took the fighting skills of our people, the Gurkhas, and turned them into mercenaries, who fight for the British till now but are not even given the same status in pay, besides other things. And when they get old and retire they are not allowed to stay back and kicked out immediately.

Thanksgiving should remind the people of this world about the exploitation of humans in antiquity, and which never seems to end!

The Gurkhas are legendary. What the British do to them is criminal!

I have two Victoria cross holders in my family but I get refused a visa to Britain when I apply! That's how the we are treated till today!

But we have the satisfaction of knowing that we may be poor, but we carry on here without external interference and without having anyone teaching us "civilization".

We have a saying here, the White people are a good lot, but they only understand violence and we must be prepared to fight them, because they will resort to that when their fancy ideas are ignored!

Well there's the old saying that the sun never sets on the British Empire. The reason is because God doesn't trust the English in the dark!!

Haha never heard that one before, Thanks!

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