{This post is part of the "Tell a Story To Me" contest by @calluna, the 10th iteration so far. Click here to see it... I've a weird week, but better than havin' a bland week... Anyways, music-aides: "Peace and Tranquility" [1.] (A Hat in Time: Seal the Deal OST), "Our Resurrected Teleport" [2.] (HL2 OST) and "What Kind Of Hospital Is This" [3.] (HL2 OST).}

By Dan Kitchener

- A new cadaver -

[1.]

I haven't a clue on how I had gotten there, It sent me to this cathedral of the Undead and the Occult - yet nowhere my debt owner in sight. I scoured the damn cathedral, blastin' away at the undead saps that were forced to live their agonizin' lives and dealin’ with cultist magicry whence they unsheathed their hands or wands. Yet, finally, I made it to the middle of the gargantuan cathedral which reminded me more and more of Norte Dame and then a spell befell upon me - sealin' me to a crass fate they so wished to pull. Their flyin’ robes ghosted about, the first real challenge I've seen and they now do this out of cowardice - and I made clear of that fact, they snorted in reply and advanced their Undead horde. Yet I held a lil' sigil they conveniently left at the altar when makin' the undead spell - so when they blabbered on my intrusion and who'd I worked for, I cracked the sigil into two. For which hoards of the Undead began jumpin' around to latch unto the Grand Mages, leavin’ only one survivin’ the fallout, but I heard more occultists and mages screamin' as their flesh were bein' consumed by the Undead. At that moment, the survivin' Grand Mage pointed their finger at me and shouted incomprehensible Latin that sent me... somewhere.

I was spinnin’ around in the emptiness of this undifferentiated darkness, slowly disintegratin’ and my old wrinkly corpse finally sheddin’ its last skin cells before it tore down my muscle cells... The pain, if it was that, just manifested and swarmed about my body - rippin' and tearin' everything imaginable in sluggish mannerisms. Then it stopped, my whole body suddenly feelin' violated beyond the physical realm as my soul began fightin' to remain in my body - then... I saw my decayin' body, not through a mirror but... however impossible this realm was I just saw my body and no longer felt pain. I then was yanked far away from my body and then landed in the palms of It - It calmly explainin' as they crossed through a portal to another dimension, the one of flashin’ lights and the olden train:

"Ah, the first death on the job. No worries, I've... planned this - you see the job was meant to kill you at one point as you searched for a debt owner that hadn't existed in the area. Albeit, I am astonished you did most of the work... in such a frail state, but the recent taskers done for me had probably strengthened that cadaver... You were once a dying cult-scientist in a dead and underground field, now you're an agent that can see what your field wouldn't allow you to perceive... Finally we reached your new body, I've been holding this summon for quite a while. But before I let you in, maybe a sight perhaps?"

I then saw my new body, but first at the armour on the body: most of the body was covered in some unidentifiable WWII military garb, a steel helmet, an unknown but future-esque gas-mask with air tubes juttin’ out with an air canister on the front, blue lights emittin’ from the gas-mask eye pieces and two M1911 colts on the sides. I couldn't tell what the back had in store for me, but seein’ the protrudin’ tentacles lead me to wonder how'd I handle the guns proficiently at all. It took note of that and stated that I shall figure out soon enough; then It lifted me up and forced me into that octopoid-squid body - seconds later I stumbled about and tried to gain some balance. It reached out helpin' hands and steadied me - It continued to speak:

"I admit this is rather a sharp departure, but my following debt repayments shall rather be harder, more complex and, for your Subject, insanity-inducing. Why, I had omitted one crucial detail: you did pay back a debt, your own debt to me, when you massacred those occultists. A debt you'd certainly owe me right now if that last Grand Mage hadn't died, but your free of it since the Undead consumed him whence that spell was casted - a rather brilliant stratagem on your part with the sigil... Anywho, now I shall give you a real task: a creature named Mr. Pretzel had noted that not all the angels were... dealt with on his anti-apocalyptic battle as of twenty-four hours ago. Angels causing the apocalypse is nothing new here, but these New Angels and their intentions are new. Yet I call upon now for you to deal with this as I finally found it right to pay this debt off and to further my ties with... him. Don't worry, there shan't be a need to explore."

With that, I checked my M1911 colts - I locked and loaded them as soon as I tested my grip-strength and how the iron-sights were. Approachin’ the portal now, I slimed my arm on my back to feel a rifle - I slung it forwards and was intrigued by what I've received, a PTRS-41 that became appropriately large when handled. It smirked a bit and gestured me to complete my task - I sheathed it and felt it shrink which funnily made it weigh less. Hoppin’ through the portal, flashin’ lights pervaded my senses as I flew through - finally landin' next to a figure in a complete white suit and overalls, they reached out for a shake and I shook with my slimy arms. Mr. Pretzel laughed as he greeted me:

[2.]

"So I guess It finally replaced yer damn old carcass. But I have a feeling you died fighting as probably those Grand Mages are suffering heavy loses, no? Well I ain't a chirping bird, lemme hear you speak!"

"Finally, th' damn mic was off - oj me Flyin' Dutchman, I feel weird speakin' in this Octopoid body... Anywho, It confirmed the Grand Mages died all in a unholy feast."

"Ha ho! What luck dares to follow you, maybe good coincidences strike you whenever you plan. Anyhow, you'll acclimate to such changes rather quickly. Heck! I mean you moved like if 'twas second nature to you! Anyways, I suppose you've received the details?"

"This time the instructions were rather straight."

"Yes, this is a serious situation and It doesn't like serious situations getting their fixes... late."

"Nothing new here I suppose. Anyways, what's with this New Angel magicry 'n' this angel?"

"Heh, that's the thing - 'tis a recent development as of some many years ago and Lucy Boy only had the first few blows of two years ago. We were shocked when we found Gabriel in a ditch - the messenger made clear of the events; now we had our first real taste of them and they weren't prepared in tactics, stratagem and strategy - we're all grateful he didn't arrive on the scene, by then the whole cosmos would've arrived to stop the apocalypse for he will be worse and more destructive than all the other Gods combined... But dammit the New Angels wore us down and I never knew Heaven had this many angels of those kind - and, more-so, a trickster force as well."

"Angels, tricksters? Heh, go on Mr. Pretzel - this New Angel magicry must be an obvious nuisance."

"That indeed it peckin' is! I even filed my findings to Black Myst of Red Flame, White Myst of Blue Flame, Red Myst of Black Flame... oh unholy spirits, I forget I am talking like Big-Bang ancient - I now wonder how Ashley and Red are faring with that insight... Okay, okay - look the names aren't important now but they will be if I expire. Anywho, I've narrowed and triangulated their position - matter of time before they left a big red flag, but let's approach the scene right now."

Mr. Pretzel pickin’ up his white top hat, we strolled down the apartment complex ladder-well. For the first few flights we managed to not be seen, but Mr. Pretzel hushed me and I darted my eyes around for anyone – only realizin’ the eye pieces moved when my... Anyways, the next flight we side-stepped outside the periphery of bothered and distracted tenets, but the last few we stumbled into a crowd of druggies and they began wide-eyein’ us - Mr. Pretzel lied that we were tryin’ new costumes, they just said the usual blabbers and we squeaked out fine. I pestered him when we had gotten outside to move into an alleyway and he picked up the conversation there:

"Yeah, this is a common sight when you lack or forget to dawn a costume - lead me to face a few army chases in many a cities. Anyways, this city I've only moved in to counter the New Angel influence and had effectively kicked out most of the agents - only sleeper cells remain, but that should be easy to flag later down the road. Anyways, even before that I now am constituting underground agitation to get a mass movement going in this area - so far so good, just have to ensure no snitchjacketings occur."

"And I guess if this angel gets away, something bad shall happen?"

"That, humility of not stopping a potential leaker and a potential for it to awake those sleeping cells. Which is the last thing I need - last thing those names I told you to not worry about for now need to worry about, last thing It needs to worry about. 'Tis in our control, and we let it be uncontrollable by passing it off! I need nae stress this anymore – my nose picked up a burning angelic incense."

[3.]

Thankfully for me I hadn't the ability to smell it, but an interface popped up asking if a head's up display should be displayed - this rather made me giddy and it came to life, I guess it read my mind well. So a HUD was displayed and I saw my ammo count for my pistols and rifle, stats on the immediate surrounding, a list for my tasker and environmental features to keep an eye out. And there a display of intoxicating smells flashed through a sign of skulls and bones next to a three steam lines. I snapped my attention back and saw Mr. Pretzel slowly tiptoeing into the alleyway, I began considering escalating on the walls and soon I began to do so with ease thanks to the suction cups on the tentacles. From there, Mr. Pretzel commented:

"Hey, climb higher and ready that PTRS-41 - dunno if we'll land with some possessed people or stone golems nearby. Any-case, free fire on the golems, but cap those knees on the humans - might be useful to save them for other things down the road."

I nodded and moved higher and closer into the alleyway, there we both spotted the angel hard at work making the final preparations for the exit spell - though thankfully neither people or golems. I gestured to Mr. Pretzel if the time to strike was now, he said no - I peered in harder and noted how the angel looked weird whence I stared harder into the body, clearly a distortion at work. Mr. Pretzel then gestured two figures and said rock – where they were was the mystery. Finally Mr. Pretzel whistled Country Roads – there he strolled right in, which caused the angel to twist the neck as it worked on the spell. It screamed for the guards to attack, I scoped in and shot both with my anti-tank rifle – both collapsed after the first bullet strike. Leaving Mr. Pretzel to still calmly stroll, leaving back hand clues to not fire on the angel yet - a lil' conversation began:

"You dæmons and your petty struggle! Why can't you let us perpetuate the current Order in a new fashion, why must you fight for Chaos that the great dæmon Black Myst bickers for! WHY OH WHY?!?"

"And why should I give to a traitorous angel that information? Lucy Boy had his fall, but nowhere near close to your betrayal!"

"BICKERING ON WHAT HAD TO HAPPEN!"

"At least I don't tremble, for only the guilty tremble!"

"What is this, a comedy to you!"

"Sure, I can make it one right now - if you weren't an annoying traitor!"

"Boo-fu..."

"You cut that swear out before I kill you with a mouth wash full of soup, you excuse of an angel!"

By now I recognized his hands, rather twitchily due to that angelic incense, were signalin’ a message, spellin’ out: “S-H-O-O-T-O-N-M-Y-C-A-L-L” – soon I cocked the PTRS-41 and my vision focused in on the angel’s head. The noise became inaudible as they went to the scratchin’ of divinity and un-earthly tongues, but nevertheless the field around and the image of the angel were stabilizin’. Takin’ deep breathes and gettin’ my sight alignment, I saw Mr. Pretzel snap the fingers and out came a round towards the angel – by then red rum poured into the wall cracks and the white, eyeless angel was no more but a battered up bloody tissue. Lookin’ behind that thing, I was astonished that no cracks had formed behind the body – I checked my mags to see if they contained armour piercin’ rounds or poison bullets, no surprise I found only armour piercers. Thus I hunched the rifle over my back and each arm tentacle moved in a united motion along the wall – the muscle memory of my old carcass now annihilated.

[1.]

My boots touchin’ the ground, me and Mr. Pretzel shook our differin’ grippin’ limbs and began marchin’ towards a ‘sploded angel. Loud were the policja – there sirens wailin’ a mile over the deafenin’, tank-killin’ shot. Mr. Pretzel chimed in that a possibility was the angel had increased due to the incense or the fact that it heard the shot but activated the field on the wrong note – yet still I heard the approachin’ noise and I figured the hubris of Mr. Pretzel was backed. For soon a portal ripped open and out came It with an ancient smile – pickin’ Its words carefully as matter flowed slower and the colors washed out:

”Ah what bad timing I must bear upon you, Mr. Pretzel. Yet the agent has more debts to pay back – you’ll have to find more trouble-makers in the meantime.”

”Heh, I knew that. Just here to confirm that this body worked – and so it does well. I shall ring back after a seventy-two, been meaning to since this whole incident. Anyways, I think this tasker done ought to be considered an equal transaction – thus I am still owed the original amount.~”

”We’ll see about that. In such occasions, I wouldn’t care – yet there are some people I cannot squash nor squander my investments. I rather ignore them, but they fly to often in my sights to not think I need to have them in my control.”

”All is well in that world – I know he dares to step on yer lands, and I ensured he cannot get an easy source of information. Regardless, I like to request something, per tradition you can burn one of my favors… Now this is important: I like to have some favors transferred over to our newest acquaintance, I don’t care how the message is sent but I think you own her a solid.”

”That I can do without hesitation, I know anyways of what she did and was going to find a way to bestow such on her – but more for her I suppose, guess time has been catching up on you. No?”

”Fortuna shall decide so.”

”Mm… Guess we are done here; would you like to come aboard for a little bit? We’ve to discuss more than mere favor-blessings.”

””Tis nae I like to exercise, but I favor the opportunity to stretch instead.”

And marched into the portal we did, soon the flashin’ lights and the olden train became apparent after another quick and flashy dance of portal energy spun around us. There both It and Mr. Pretzel nodded and It looked at a door for it to soon open. It simply statin’ that fresh air shall be best for my time, I nodded in the understanding of my awkward inclusion and experienced the acts in the portal again before I was beholden to a land of green vibrancy and oceans with white puffs in the sky. My tentacle hand scanned my body for my weaponry, all still bein’ attached to me – so I took a walk and breathed freshness into me. The birds were chirpin’, the flowers were bloomin’ and days like this: life begins anew after the frost melts. I need no country roads to take me home, I belong to no place nor have a mountain figure – for after seein’ the sanity of the universe for as long as I did, the insanity back home became more preferable than the universe’s sanity yet lame me it shall.

Cited posts:

@calluna - ""Tell a Story To Me, 10th iteration""

@theironfelix - "Unholy utterances"

Cited images

By Dan Kitchener