Tell a Story To Me Contest #12: The Golden Disc

in #tellastorytome5 years ago (edited)


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Maybe I'm late, again, but anyways, here is my participation for: https://steemit.com/tellastorytome/@calluna/tell-a-story-to-me-and-win-5-sbd-writing-contest-12-the-golden-disc

Tauril and Euril were shining bright in the sky, and their midsummer rays shone strong and hot on the back of young Jyul. He was looking for a proper shade to hide from the weather, and from his friends that were looking for him. He wasn’t about to lose their game.

Away from their backyard, and closer to the dessert that surrounded their city than to his own house, he noticed a ravine, about 5 dendrics deep, and steep enough to go down with his claws and tail helping. And so he did, scaring away some critters that crawled around.

At the bottom, away from the rays of the twin suns and his perceptive friends eyes, he sighed and looked around. Sand, rock, a very big Scolidurion nibbing on something shiny… Wait, gold in this part of the region was exceedingly rare, maybe it was just pyrite, but it was worth looking. Armed with a stick that was lying around, he drived off the creature, who went away after baring its fangs at Jyul.

Then, trapped between some rocks he saw it: a disc with a shiny golden hue, and some strange marking. Oh he had to get it!. A little effort, some clever pulls, and the object was free.

In his hands it weighted little, and it had the diameter of the sweet fruits he ate with his friends a while ago. It had some words, symbols and lines etched on its surface. It was crafted by someone. A little sweat ran down his forehead, not just because of the heat, but because what the adults would say if he hid. Maybe it would be better to consult first with Toocber, he was weird, but he knew things, and had machines that could help satiate his curiosity before the White Robes took the disc away. His friends could keep looking for him, that would be fun.

The door to Toocber’s house was a behemoth piece of tarnished metal that seemed prepared to resist some air raids and a couple of laser rams. It also had a cute ornamented doorbell in the shape of a crimson lotus. Jyul touched the button and for a couple of seconds nothing happened. When he was about to turn around and go away, some clicks sounded and the door opened with a loud screech after which a hidden speaker said “Enter, close the door after you”. He did that.

The interior was dark and silent, except for some small lights in the floor that seemed to indicate him to follow a certain hallway, to the bunker he thought, and he was right. Under a trapdoor, after 12 dendrics of stairs, he reached the private room-laboratory of the weirdest –but also cooler- guy in the neighborhood. Long messy hair, skin of a faded hue, wearing a homemade version of the suits they used in the big laboratories, he was under a pile of scrapped metal and wires when he noticed Jyul and hastily got up.

Greetings young critter!, have you come to quench your thirst of knowkedge?, to open your mind to the cosmos?! –and the thing he was assembling fell apart- …please ignore that.

Sure… hey Tooc, I found this thing in the dessert, do you know what it is?

He grabbed the disc and his eyes opened in an expression of surprise and amazement. He stood silent for a second before cracking a smile.

Yes, yes… I’ve heard about this things, good thing you brought this to me first!, you didn’t mention this to anyone else right?, riiiight…? –he said while getting uncomfortably close.

No Tooc, I came here right right after finding it

Good boy, you will go far!, let me see… -he put the disc in a table and started to rummage through his shelves- AHA!, here it is!, Jyul, what do you know about humans?- he said while assembling some kind of box that had an arm holding a needle over a circular platform.

Aren’t those the ancient aliens that our ancestors fought in the play for Solstice day?, aren’t those a legend to symbolize the struggle against dark ideals?

Those ones!, but this my friend, is an actual artifact from them, and if the guys from the interwebs are right, a depository of information! –he said while putting the strange disc on the equally strange box, and letting the needle touch it slightly.

What is that?

Well, you sure like asking that, you will see…

The platform on the box started to spin, and a nearby screen turned on, and images started to appear. A circle, equations, diagrams of a solar system and anatomic drawings of what could only be humans, and then, images of them humans, eating, laughing, and living, not so much unlike them. After a while –after 116 images by Tooc’s account-, sound started to appear: voices in unknown languages, one after the other saying a short phrase that sounded… nice, warm, like a greeting.

Then, some kind of harmony, deep and soothing, then, thunder, rumblings, explosions, animals and machines. By the time the music started, the two listeners had already fallen prey to the myriad of sounds, more quiet and enraptured than ever before, and by the end of this, and the weird sounds that seemed to implant words into their brains without pronouncing anything, they knew one thing: the legends were wrong, humans were real, and far more than just the absolute monsters they’ve always been told… now, who would believe them?, at the base of their reasoning, they both knew that the White Robes wouldn’t be so open to anything that defied their version of things.

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This post was submitted for curation by: @theironfelix
This post was given a rating of: 0.9821046918225874
This post was voted: 100%

I have bad network right now... But I simply have to comment here...

I love the childish background to the contrastingly serious story. The ordinary speech of a seemingly advanced people, and the possibility of an authoritarian and probably religious government... So much possibility in so little...

This works for me. Awesome writing!

The story had a nice flow. The narrative was clear and it held my attention to the end. I like that we don't know if this record will be shared with the White Robes. Leaves open the possibility of interesting developments.

Enjoyed how you took us away to a far away world and brought evidence of humanity with us.

Wow. Short and simple yet so much imagination in it.

I struggled with this theme myself. Glad I stopped by to read your story. Gives me a little bit of hope.

You open strong with clear establishment of an lien world, you do a fantastic job of showing not telling, and the rich world (universe) in which this is set feels real, for this one part being so well painted, The terms you have made up just add so much, and work perfectly to give that immersive feeling. The descriptions of the workshop leads so well into the vivid experience of the disc, and then the ending, there is just so much to love about this entry!

The results and next round are out, your writing is such a pleasure to read, I very much hope you have chance to enter the next round!

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