So, finally, i have been able to bring myself to write this final one, which is about mum. This is more emotional maybe because it happened right in my presence. I won't give the gory details of the battles so as not to mess with your head.
Whenever i am weary from the battles that rages in my head/She makes sense out of my madness when my sanity hangs by a thread/I sometimes lose my way and yet she seems to understand/Now and forever, i will always be your son.
I wasn't really so close to mum...but i enjoy making her laugh and also be her pride. I wished i could give her all she wanted. You never really know the value of what you have until you have lost it. Cherish them now while you have them around and don't live in "I wish". If given a choice in bringing back my dad or my mum, i would go for mum, but i would wish to have them all back; My sister, dad and mum.
She is just sometimes like me. She likes keeping to herself sometimes and also being alone in her space. She cherish privacy and she frowns sometimes at it when she doesn't have it. She has the most amazing heart ever and she is incredibly nice at taking jokes. She has such an amazing energy, so much she could do everything at once. Oh, i remember when i do come back home from University, as old and grown as i was, she would pack my dirty clothes and wash. She has way too much energy. You wouldn't believe she would even still pick some clean clothes just to wash again, because she has an incredible energy and wouldn't want to wash just few things but as many as she could.
A child is never too old when the parent is concerned.
On this fateful day, when the light was snuffed out, it was totally unsuspecting. She was her lively warm and adorable self. I just got back from Church and i was told by our House Fellowship leader that i will be leading the fellowship that day and speaking. I took the manual and told my new found bestie about it; (mum) since my first one left without a trace or warning; (dad). With a deep smile and pride, she told me and i quote;
"I love it when you lead us in fellowship, everyone loves it and always have a good laugh with lessons to go home with". I smiled and i was motivated to pick the manual and i started the study in preparation for the 5pm when fellowship starts, with her words still ringing in my head while smiling intermittently.
We all need encouragement once in a while. We all need to know we are doing something right sometimes. We all need to know what we are doing is producing at least some level of result.
It was time, i called her from her room to tell her. She told me she will be right behind me. We started and she didn't come. I knew she wasn't cooking, neither was she washing nor reading her Bible as with her custom when there is no electricity and she has nothing to do. Lo! I looked up, there she was, at the balcony, looking over us while gazing across the vicinity. I smiled. I thought: "It must be her knees. She complain of ache whenever she climb stairs or walk for a long while". I continued with the fellowship and few times i looked up to be sure she was still there.
I finished the fellowship, and immediately i said the last word and dropped the manual to our fellowship leader, i noticed she went inside. The leader did the Grace, took the offering and we left. I rushed upstairs to hear her tell me how proud she was again to hear me say all the things God laid in my heart to say, but then, i saw her lying on her bed, struggling with her life. She couldn't even speak very well, but all i could muster from what she said and her illustration was: "My heart aches". I melted! I couldn't understand why this is happening within five minutes. Is this how frail and meaningless life is? From the point of excitement to another extreme end of intense pain, agony and sadness. My heart echoed thunder.
I rushed out to call the people who were just leaving fellowship, i screamed and called the leader and he knew something was wrong, he came running. I rushed back inside and she was still battling. We carried her downstairs to a vehicle waiting already (he came to visit us). We managed to get her inside the vehicle and i quickly rushed upstairs to get something (which i can't even remember), so i can go with the vehicle. I came back downstairs only to see the car leaving already and a little way ahead. I started running after the car, that was when everyone thought i have gone nuts. Not only that, i saw the sandal i was wearing as a limiting factor, so i yanked it off while trying to catch up. For the first time in a long while, i was walking/running bare footed!.
I left their chase and ran towards the bike station, hoping to get a bike so i can run after them, but instead, i saw many people around me already trying to keep me on a tight leash; consoling as well as looking pitiful thinking i have got nuts. The more i tried to explain i was alright but only trying to catch up with the car, the tighter i felt their hold on me. So, i gave up, went upstairs and right in the sitting room, i was crying and praying, and i knew it was for a long time, even hours. People came in, i felt their touch but i kept praying, and even slept off while at it. The moment i saw our Reverend and other people, around past 8pm, approaching the gate (because i was at the balcony, waiting to see her walk in), i knew she was gone. I cried so much before they came that there was no tears left, so when they came, i just kept mute, listened to them, and left them all at the sitting room. They didn't know i left until later, by that time i was already heading back home. I actually stepped out to get recharge card to call my brothers. I was broken and i anticipated her touch to awaken!
She was gone, and all her work done, sometimes i feel alone, but i know her words in my heart still feels warm. Oh...how i wish i knew how much she was aching inside when her husband left. How i wish i knew how much she needed to get her hurts out in words and tears, how i wish i had picked her as my bestie long before now, it would maybe, just maybe have saved her from heart aches and loneliness because most of us were not even at home that time and i still went for a mandatory one year service after school, and i only came home twice during the service year. The woulda, shoulda, coulda...but then, i count it all for joy.
Do not weep for her because she is not gone
She left this earth because her work was done
For me, there is no other, no, not one, none
We have created a memory and a strong bond
I love you mama
I wish i told you enough.
I know she voted to die, because death doesn't surprise wise people, they are always ready to leave. Sleep after toil, ease after war, port after stormy sea, life after death, does greatly please.
I miss you mama...the tears keep dropping but i am glad you got close to God before doing the crossing to the other side.
Thank you for reading.
Olawalium; (Love's chemical content in human form). Take a dose today: doctor's order.
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