Another Sunday Ramble

I'm addicted to all the wrong things, and as bad as that sounds, I don't really feel bad about it, it's just this weird voice in my head that keeps reminding me of it. I guess it's that feeling where they say, you do bad things, but they feel so good. Come to think of it, why does it feel so good to do bad things? I guess I'll never know.

I get attached to people who I know are not good for me, as well as things that are just going to facilitate my end. On most days, I'm a wreck, and I literally have to warn people to stay clear, so that they don't get a dose of the poison that my mind spews. Once in a while, I remember that there are people who matter, and then I also remember that they're all at arms length, because that's where I pushed them to. I crave companionship, but I put my love for my space in the way of any form of that being possible. At the end of the day, I'm just a sad, lonely, twisted, and complicated young man, fighting his demons. At least that's how Judy described me, when she left.

I don't know if I'm losing this battle or losing, but I know that I'm exhausted, and I really would love for it end. It will would be nice to not have to be dressed up in this armour, that's supposed to protect me from the world. I know that I'm supposed to be my own hero, but if someone, anyone, decided to save me, I'd go with whoever it is, I don't care where.

Lucent Britex.