Questions require answers (3)
@redpalestino meets @w74
If you missed the first meetings:
Sammy, can I confide in you an incredibly big secret?
- No problem at all, these things are always in good hands with me. But if the Russian secret service, no matter under which cloak it hides and moves across the continents, were to guarantee me a lifelong supply of caviar - I might even be tempted. But first get rid of what's on the tip of your tongue.
Than I'll take the sturgeon and you these salty eggs. Deal?
Beside of that, the secret I'm going to tell you now, will properly have a deep impact on all the statistics, that have been collected so far about the use of a wet razor in advanced age or early childhood. Because it is a fact, at that time a mustache was growing not only to my grandmother, but also to me. The decisive reason for that - wrong nutrition.
- Doesn't always start a fantastic weekend with grandma with the wrong kind of food?
Definitely. It was only, that a completely different component crept in, which I neither understood, nor felt particularly sparkling. Because I had only asked my grandma for a glass of Coke. At that moment, of course, I had no idea that this would be the start to an anti-imperialist statement that would influence my entire life, even though imperialism was as foreign to me as a kiss with a lady, who could not be put at once in connection with my entire family.
- So, that makes you to a classic late bloomer.
Very funny, you braggart.
- But seriously, now. Will you just tell me, that your grandmother spontaneously set the American flag on fire?
No, not really. I guess that she didn’t do that, because my grandmother was always careful with her sheets. But she made quite clear to me, that in her presence the brown sugar brew had no chance, as long as a bottle of malt beer was still left in the cellar.
- Malt beer or Coke - what's the difference?
The malt beer at that time still had its origins in the brewery, right in the neighborhood. Coke came from America and therefore undrinkable for my grandmother. I didn't really care. Most importantly for me, that was something against the enormous thirst nearby. However, when I watched Grandma filling the glasses, I was quite sure, that I would not be able getting my hands off the brown brew so quickly. A drink with real foam on it. That made the enormous difference.
- That stuff isn't only sweet, it contains alcohol as well. Did your grandma try to get you ready for bed as quickly as possible?
Oh, no idea. I only remember that my grandmother suddenly had after the first sip a mustache and thus caused immediately extreme laughter. But even better atmosphere came up, when the best of all grandmas held the mirror in front of my face. That evening it was time for shaving.
Just because there was no real razor in the bathroom, though the blunt end of the knife, which I usually used to spread the jam on my bread, actually did the same job. Malt beer switched me into a man and my grandmother into something very similar.
- I'm glad you told me. At least now I know why this piece is called a razor blade in Germany. But, when I listen to you, it seems, your grandmother has played a pretty important role in your life.
She was simply my safe-deposit box for all the things I didn't want anybody else to know about. And I can assure you that the safe was never cracked.
How you handled this problem? Wasn't it comparable, that you first questioned your grandmother with everything that the adults didn't understand at all - only to make sure that nobody understands you - except your grandmother?
- Before I go into that, I'd like to know why you keep talking about grandma. Everybody has at least two of them available.
As a matter of fact, I had two of them as well. But this case was settled quite early. One of the older women was the one who knew how to bake and cook well and the other had the necessary stuff for the safe. So whom would you trust more?
- And what has become of this anti-imperialist attitude?
Believe it or not, to this day I haven't bought a bottle of Coke or consumed more than 1 liter of the miraculous broth. And now you are going to ask me why. I can tell you. For aesthetic reasons.
- Now I don't get it anymore. Does quenching your thirst depend on the external appearance?
No, of course not. But if someone mixes the sweet broth from Atlanta with a beer or even red wine, my hair is standing to end, even still today - no matter where or which one. That's what I call a trans-generational allergy with an anti-imperialist background.
- So you are indoctrinated with the prejudices of an older lady who was fundamentally skeptical about changes.
Well, I wouldn't sign that right now. Since my grandmother's family and national origins were repeatedly withdrawn, she probably did not concentrate particularly on what came out of peoples mouth (more or less witty gossip), instead she concentrated much more on what should go into their mouth. With this attitude, she has muddled through her life very well. Only, physically immortal you don't become with these attitudes. But in my head she is of course exactly that.
- Besides the memories, do you still keep a lot of things that originate from your grandmother?
Not really. As I always hang up in different places, the other grandchildren were always faster. What I might have really liked to keep, my uncle then drove to scrap. But perhaps it was better that way, because who knows what would have occurred to me?
- I thought, if I remember correctly, you don't sit on motorized cycles - except of course when I drive them?
This was the one big exception. For me, to lay down really proper on my nose, my bicycle was fast enough.
But tell me, why am I babbling all the time? Have they stolen your grandmas and how many of that kind do you have? I would also be very interested to know when you said goodbye to Jassir Arafat, strapped on your explosives belt and the Kalashnikov and left the Near East to separate Sylt from the continent? As you see, there are a lot of questions that are longing for answers.
- Don't panic. You' ll be fed accordingly. But first we should definitely get our tongue wet. But please do me a favor and don't come around with a malt beer.
… but no Coke either!