How We Kill Our Love Lives Part 1

Following the post on 'How We Kill Ourselves With Imbalance and What To Do", I thought I follow this up with what this imbalance can do to relationships and more specifically, to our Love relationships.


In our love lives, alot of us have had our fair share of our ups and downs, the pain, hurt, anger, and the conflict. Some of us have sleepless nights over it. Some of us, both men and women are so deeply scarred by love- we wonder if it will ever work out in relationships for us.

Yep, I hear you, brothers and sisters.

Introduction: The Balance

This article is divided into two parts: How and Why, and What To Do about it(in another articles)

The point of this article is about balancing our female and male energies. I know I will probably be shot down by many career driven women by saying this, but in my humble opinion, (and please don't kill the messenger), too much of masculinity just. won't. work.

Also, I am aware that some of us prefer the same sex for your partner. However, even so, the balance of the masculine and feminine energies still applies in relation to your partner, men or women.

So I just ask that to understand the whole context of what I want to say about balance and WHY is it important for you, to read till the end and put all this into the relevant context as appropriate and in a way that works for you

And without further ado, let's begin.

The Modern Goddesses and Warriors

In the corporate world, or society nowadays, women are becoming stronger and stronger as we are more confident in standing in our power. We speak out, do what we do and are proud of it.

Don't get me wrong.

I absolutely beam when I watch a woman standing on stage saying what she has to say, or being the go getter in her life. To me, that's sexy. (And no, I like my men.)

The Problem: When We Forget To Be The Woman

However, too much of that could cause an imbalance in our love lives. When we forget to allow our man to take their role and be the man.

The problem with being too much of a modern goddess and warrior, we forget that we need to take on another role in relation to our man: The Receiver.

Think about the nature of how our sexual organs are made of: The genitals of men are protruding, extending. And the women, designed inwards - to receive.

Dominant Woman = Pushover men?

Here are some questions for you to ponder, both my men and women friends:

1. Have you met men who are literally pushovers?
2. Do you think that would work in a relationship, and Why?
3. What is the ultimate consequence to a man being a pushover?
4. Think about a time when you are around someone who is a legit pushover. How do you feel around the person?

Feminine energies are good. But too much of anything, is not.

Too much of passivity, too much of being subservient and too much of receiving; won't work. Period.

The All Too Common Feeling Of Dissatisfaction & Unhappiness
The last thing a man wants is to be disrespected and disregarded as a man. A man is meant to be a man, and to be in his masculine energies, without which, would lead to an imbalance of energies.

It is one of the reason which causes both the male and female in a relationship to have this unexplainable feeling of dissatisfaction, emptiness, and discontentment we way too often hear in relationships which has this issue of imbalance.

The Alpha Bitch

I attest to being the alpha bitch sometimes.

Sometimes, I take charge when I am in an environment where no one seems capable of doing just about anything at all.

Sometimes, I don't do what I am told to do because I think there is a better way of doing it. Most times, I ask questions, and I speak my mind.

More often than not, I don't really care too much about what people want to think about me. You can think whatever you want about me. (That's part of the alpha bitch.)

I usually take the reins if someone decides to misbehave, and about 100% of the time, I grab the bull by its horn when Life decides to have a mind of its own and go on a helluva of a gallop.

The Magic Key: The Power in Femininity

However, there is a time and place for being the Alpha Bitch.

It is never about controlling, but how women can utilize the magic of of their sacred Divine Feminine Energy.

Where the Alpha Bitch controls, the woman rooted in her feminine essence will understand there is no need to.

A man can never be a woman, and what a woman is. Neither can a woman ever be a man.

Men and women come together in a relationship or connection because a deep part of us yearns for the wholeness in which will never be completed without the opposite sex.

A woman deeply rooted and centered within her feminine essence is incredibly attractive to a man. It is the power that has allured, draw and compel men from all time, to fight, kill and destroy a kingdom for.

Therefore, can you somehow see what a woman can provide to a man, which a man can never have by himself, and what a man, can in turn provide to a woman?

When I saw that my power lies in my femininity, I realized that I never needed to fight for my "right" as a woman.

Our Power Lies In Being A Woman

My power lies in being a woman. I Am a woman. And for relationships to work, for a man to feel like a man with me, I realized that I just need to pull in the reins and be a woman.

Being a woman, being the divine feminine essence, being the gentle lamb, is only what a woman can be, and no man can ever be.

That means, I don't need to be the person who needs to do everything all the time. I can stop trying to take charge. There is no need to. I can sit back calmly, serenely, and gracefully allow my man to do his thing, to have his spotlight. And I can certainly allow myself to be vulnerable enough to ask for help.

What Is the Man To Do?

In my opinion, a man's job is to be able to bring his woman back into her feminine center. To give her the space when she is stressed and all in her alpha male mode and to allow her to be just as she is without trying to "fix" anything about her.

A man needs to be a man, to be big enough a man to allow your woman to be the woman. Encourage her to do activities (which I will share in another article) that could help her come back to her feminine energies.

And What If The Guy Doesn't Care?
A man who knows how to be a man, will respond as appropriately. If he doesn't, then simply put, he might not be the appropriate choice for you during this current space and time.

Vulnerability IS Strength

The balance of strength versus vulnerability to me; is one of the finest act of juggle in a relationship.

Too much strength is a turnoff.

Too much vulnerability is a turnoff too.

And this is on Both sides; men and women.

There is this pretty unjust situation where some strong, masculine men do not think vulnerability is necessary. As that's how they are geared to survive in this world, they expect their woman to be that too.

Well, don't be fooled, my strong male friends. Suggesting to your women the idea of not needing to be vulnerable is the one thing that could ruin your relationship with her.

Why?

Well, do you know that being vulnerable is one of the most important thing in a relationship, in intimacy?

True Strength lies in your ability to be vulnerable.

The Consequence: The Vicious Cycle

What eventually happens is the safety and security aspect a woman desires to feel with a man is essentially withheld from her. And since we are all independent adults, responsible for our own emotional security, it is not like being with the man would add on to her overall well being. So why would she? Not only so, she will somehow intuitively sense that she wouldn't be able to trust and rely upon her guy. And Trust, we can all agree, is pretty crucial for a successful love life.

Without the ability to be vulnerable, to be able to open up to darker sides of you which the world doesn't see and only your man get to, to cry, to be small, where is the intimacy?

"In-to-me-see"?

Get it??

Where can men who has been programmed to protect, come in and be the knight-in-shining armour?

And where can women who has been programmed to be the nurturer, have her emotional tank filled up, just so she can then nurture and support her man in return??

See the vicious cycle?

Where We All Crash And Burn

When A Woman Overly Gives Or Overly Dominates

Since it is in nature's programming that women is to receive, and men to give, when us women decide to take charge of our lives, to be strong (too strong sometimes), we also accidentally do away with our feminine energy, the divine feminine energy which attracts things in to our lives, including amazing, quality men.

Our feminine energy gets sapped as we take on too much of the authority role, as we go! go! go! , when we work in a male dominated role that has alot of masculine energy.

The Consequence For Women

We either attract men who might not be as tough as us. We attract emotionally unavailable men who has their own crap to deal with, and who are not in the position to be there for anyone, because they have all their shits to deal with.

And you know those times when we wonder why we are constantly tired, drained, stressed, and unsatisfied in our lives? Yep. That all too familiar of burn out.

The Consequence For Men

Given we are in this time and age where I believe most men by now would understand that by being overly aggressive and dominating nowadays just doesn't work in this current day and age., I will touch more on the "overly giving" part.

When you give too much, to the point you are being taken advantage of and disrespected, your woman disrespects you. They might not do it directly, but given some of us women are pretty clever with mind games, (women, please don't kill the messenger),.. you get the drift.

The Giver Who Gives Too Much Trains The Taker To Take More

Enough said.

Some of us overly gives, and we feel resentful. And then we blame the other for not understanding how we feel.





But Who Is REALLY To Blame?

The issue is, the giver is as much to blame as the taker. Of course, if the taker/receiver is aware of the situation, it helps. But ultimately, the giver is the one who will feel the pinch. And once the balance goes off in a relationship, that's when the tension and conflict starts.

The Solution

I will share about how to balance both the feminine and male energies in another article, but for now, let me end with this note.

For a relationship to work, it is never about pointing the finger. But rather, if your significant other, is truly someone you love and care for, it is about having the ability to troubleshoot, and manage the whole situation, much like how you would run your company or how you would do for a passion project.

It is about understanding the balance in all aspects, understanding yourself, your boundaries and limits, what works for you and what doesn't.

We all associate giving with loving. That is always good.

But even there, lies a fine balance to juggle.

Giving without boundaries, when the receiver do not really need what you have to give, when you give to the point you allow the other to take advantage of you, you are merely setting up yourself a trap. The message you are sending out to the world is akin to walking around with flashing neon sign that says, "Look at me. Yes, you may please take more."

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