My Pack is Always With Me

Yup, it’s that time...another piece about my dogs. Though while this one is sad, it’s also therapeutic for me. There was no doubt in my mind that when my boys passed away, that I was going to get their paws 🐾 inked on me. Now I had no tattoo’s prior to this. I always liked tattoo’s and thought I’d end up with some, but I just never knew what exactly. Until Bandit passed away.

Bandit was my first boy. He was my big fluffy Alaskan Malamute. Man, he was photogenic in every photo. My most loyal companion. He was by my side since 2003 when I got him in Vegas. We used to visit him at a pet store that we got our fish food at. We played with him weekly for a couple months and even named him Bandit. We joked that if he dropped below $200 bucks we would ha e to get him. Well, one week we walk into the shop and he’s $180 with a bag of food and a discounted crate. It was just meant to be.

Through all the editions of the other pups, Bandit was their pack leader. He was my sidekick and my savior. He read me better than anyone on the planet and made my heart race when I saw him. He was my baby boy.

In November of 2014, we noticed a mass growing on his leg. Osteosarcoma, and the outlook was not promising long term. We opted for an amputation of the entire leg followed by Chemo. The doctors told us that typically, we could expect to see a rough estimate of about 15 months. I was also administering medical marijuana in the form of an oil that I made. Anything to buy more happy time together. That was another year with my boy who would have done fine playing the tripod lifestyle during that time.

Notice his leg days before the scheduled surgery. It grew so quickly.

So on New Years Eve as we entered 2015, he underwent surgery. He excelled far greater than I thought he would. We ended up getting a harness with a handle so we could help him up when needed but he got around amazingly. Off and up 2 deck steps to go to the bathroom. He owned it. When he fell, he’d pick himself up and get back to it. He was inspiring and way stronger of a being that I could ever be.

Several days before my 35th birthday, I heard Bandit making a ton of sounds while trying to sleep. A coughing and hacking sound. I panicked and immediately thought of bloat. Bloat is an awful freak situation when the stomach turns in the body. In rare situations it can be taken care of with immediate surgery, but most of the time it’s a death sentence.

I brought him into the Emergency vet at around 3:30 am. With a quick x-ray they confirmed my worst fears. It was bloat and the prognosis was grim. They said if I wanted to opt for the surgery it would need to be immediately. They also gave him a slim chance to make it through the surgery. Then the final nail in the coffin was if he did make it out ok, he couldn’t have the chemo due to risk of infection. Doing this would open it up for the cancer to spread rapidly. My sister Michele met me there and has been my go to rock when bad times with the pups arise. She Gabe me her opinion which the vet tech agreed with. They wouldn’t put Bandit through all of that with the mounting odds stacked against him. Saying goodbye was the hardest decision I had ever made.

My wife also came with the kids so they could say their goodbye’s. I was a blubbering mess and while I remember it crystal clear...it’s also surrounded by a thick fog. I held my boy tight and sobbed on his big beautiful head. It’s one of 2 events in my life thus far, that haunt me each and every day. I just can’t shake it. The images replay in my head. Sometimes when I wake up or go to bed. Often it just randomly takes over my head for a short while as I desperately try to find a mental exit. On February 12th 2015, I said goodbye to my heart.

The most painful goodbye.

I remember being home afterwards and not feeling anything besides pure grief. My boy was no longer by my side. The house order was now disrupted. I needed to do something and quick before I lost control. That’s when it hit me. I had them take an ink stamp of his paw print and I wanted to have that on me. I wanted to walk through life forever knowing my pack is with me.

So the next day my wife @reeseshara and I went to the local Tattoo Parlor and I ended up getting ink for the first time. I always thought I’d get something. I just wanted it to mean something special. In this weird way, I feel as though he will always be with me. So I ended up getting Bandit’s name and paw print on my left shoulder/back area. They all had their colors and Bandit’s was blue so we put some color in his name.

My initial plan was to do something similar to the thumbnail photo and eventually after I say goodbye to the 4, to have them walking up my back with me in my journey through life. That changed when Kitano passed.

Kitano was my 3rd pup. He was a Malamute Timberwolf and was my heart. He was super playful and was a puppy right up until the end. We had 0 plans to get him. It just worked out that way. He was also at a pet store (I know...I know...) and we just happened to be walking by. We always popped in to take a look and boat with the pups. We already had our hands full with Bandit & my girl Bindi and had zero plans for a 3rd addition.

Of course we were drawn to the litter of pups immediately. One pup imparticular was extremely skiddish but strikingly beautiful. We asked to see him and the folks there told us he was ill with a heart murmur and would be sent back to the breeders. A bit more of digging meant it was certain curtains for him if that were to happen. So after a back and forth and a ton of signatures releasing them from any responsibility, we convinced them to let us take him home.

We brought our new bundle of joy home and he was siiiiiiiick! He was not eating and was losing weight and the will to live at a rapid rate. We checked him onto the hospital where he spent over a month. Durango Animal Hospital in Vegas....You are awesome. They worked with us financially and were super kind. We visited Tano daily but his condition was not improving. Even the doctors were beginning to lose hope. They could not figure it out but they were certain it was not a heart murmur.

One evening I was googling, desperate to find something that I could show the doctors. I ended up coming across a pet message board and someone else had a similar situation. It ended up being some weird parasite or something. It was extremely rare but completely treatable. I printed it out and brought it to them...wouldn’t ya know it?!? Bingo. They put him on a proper regiment of medications and after a few days, we could see him being reborn right before our eyes.

Once he came home he was the most playful and goofy boy. He loved me and followed me from room to room. He also really stepped up after Bandit passed to try to fill the void left behind. He was also my perfect boy. He would shower me with such sincere kisses when I would come home. I miss those immensely and everyday seems incomplete without the presence of them.

He was super strong and survived that initial scare and then when he was 5, he suffered a massive fluke stroke. They didn’t know if he would walk again but...yup...you guessed it. He was taking steps within 48 hours. Walking completely fine with a tilt a few days later, and within a couple of months there were 0 signs of a stroke. Such strength and courage. The will to live was deep in him.

Last year we ended up finding a fatty mass on his leg. It was a Malignant tumor. We had that sucks removed along with part of his adrenal gland and one of his kidneys. We put him on a chemo pill and some other CBD oil as well.

In late August...just a few months ago, he started having mini seizures out of the blue. He would come out of it quickly at first but as they happened a bit more frequently, his recovery time grew longer. Within a few days his breathing became labored and he was now having more bad and rough times than happy peaceful moments. I knew it was time to make the 2nd hardest choice of my life. To say goodbye to my angel Kitano.

On September 7th 2018, I brought him in and held him tight. I cried on his head and kissed him a million times. I held his paw in my hand and I sent him off to a song I love called Lullaby by Billy Joel. I have yet to listen to it since that day as I can’t bring myself to do it.

I have written about this a bit here since it happened so I’m sure some of you are thinking, “We get it. Enough!” and you wouldn’t be wrong. I don’t know how to properly cope with the losses. I think this place has helped a bit in all honesty. Being a good distraction. Something I can pour my heart into a bit.

The other thing I needed to do was get his paw 🐾 on me. I ended up doing that 2 days before SteemFest. About 2 months after his passing. Upon the suggestion of my wife and my customer & tattoo artist, I decided on putting Tano’s on my right shoulder/back. Basically mirroring Bandit’s. Tano’s color was red so there is a bit of red in his name.

When the time comes to add my girls Bindi and Maya, I’ll find a spot on my back somewhere and place them in. I’ll be adding other things. Maybe a rainbow bridge connecting them. Or a trail of images that mean something such as a favorite toy or snack. Something to represent a specific memory. Not sure yet. Gotta put some thought into it but either way, I love how it came out. Tano’s print just looks different than Bandit’s. I like the contrast. I hope I don’t have to get another one for quite some time still.

Seeing them on me makes me increasingly sad as it’s just a constant reminder that they are no longer physically here. On the other hand I weirdly feel as though they will always be with me in my heart and soul. Until I take my last breath, my pack will always walk along side me.

Thanks for reading folks.

Blewitt