Elon and the Space Man: part I

Captains Log: star date 01.001

Countdown…. Finally!

After what feels like years of testing and having to suffer a relentless stream of jokes from Elon that he’s going to take my place, the day of departure has arrived. Of course there were some hickups and disappointments along the way. I was promised a model S type ship and ended up with a convertible, also I have been instructed not to leave the solar system, but seriously… What’s Elon gonna do once I am out there?

The Falcon heavy rocket looks impressive and my roadster is actually kinda cool. Of course it will be freezing without a roof, but the unlimited view makes up for most of that. And who knows, if there are some cute female aliens out there, a sexy ship like this might be just the thing to impress them.

My ground team is impatient and wants me to get in the roadster, but I am sniffing Earth air for the last time and I’m not gonna be pushed into leaving without saying my goodbyes. Elon understands this better than anyone I guess. He probably knows that I do not intend to return and grants me all the time I need to ready myself. God, I love the smell of grass and even the overwhelming sounds of the launch area are like music to me now.
Speaking about music, I know Elon expects me to listen to David Bowie for eternity, but I have a usb stick in my boots packed with the stuff I like to hear. Katy Perry is along for the ride!

I guess it’s time to put on my helmet and surrender myself to my ground team, as I’m walking towards my roadster I feel totally relaxed. All the stress I felt before seems to melt away and all that remains is a great sense of belonging. This is what is was made to do. When I am all strapped in Elon comes to me smiling and shakes my hand. “Make me proud Space Man” he says. “Don’t fuck it up down here” is my reply. We both laugh and he makes me promise one more time to be a good boy and stay in orbit around our sun. Sure Elon, I will tell you what you want to hear. Anything you want to hear, as long as you’re gonna press that button.

As the capsule is closing I catch a last glimpse of Earth. And then it’s dark and the only sound left is the voice of the countdown clock. T minus 60 minutes and counting. I spend my last hour on Earth thinking about the simple things I’m gonna miss. Cheeseburgers, hot showers, walking on the beach, playing games online. It’s funny how the things you take for granted turn out the things that you end up appreciating the most.

T minus 10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…ignition.

A huge roar from the engines makes the Falcon vibrate heavily and for a few moments it feels like something is terribly wrong. And then slowly I feel the giant rocket moving. I am pressed in my seat while the Falcon accelerates, faster and faster and with every second passing my realisation start coming back.

My journey has begun.

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