Alchemy of Her - Chapter 1: Chaotic Shitstorms

Chaotic Shitstorms

"I think I have a clue as to why we're here," he said looking at me with that look he generally had in his eyes past few weeks.
Disappointment with a hint of sadness. I kind of froze down and then cleared my throat.

"What gave it away?" I said hoping that he did not have an answer to that.

"You're not yourself you know, and you're an awful liar. It's all over your face." He said.

"Jai, it won't work. We are going to be miles away from each other. I know we've been going out for a year now but I really don't think we will survive the distance. It's just all too much."

He looked away for a moment and I knew why. Jai was a very emotional guy, only, he had a really hard time showing it. Whenever he was in such a situation he would either look away or change the subject, but his eyes always gave him away. When he looked at me they were red and I could see him getting choked up.

"I am really sorry. I don't know what else to do. I wish we weren't going to be so far away from each other. It's hard for me as well you know." I said, thinking how horrible a person I am.

Time seemed to be passing even slower than usual and I wanted to just bail. I did care about him a lot and seeing him go through this was one of the worst things I ever experienced. But I had to do this today. I mean, I’d be a worse human being if I just lied to him and dragged him along into a hopeless future.

"Maiya, I love you damn it! I want to make this work so much, but I know I can't stop you anymore. I've tried so hard but I can feel you slipping away. I tried tightening my hold but I was an idiot.” He said fighting back his tears.

I looked at him with an I-am-really-sorry-and-my-heart-is-breaking-too-but-I-cannot-hear-this-right-now-and-I-do-not-know-what-to-do-for-you-here-look.

“You know what? Alright. I will deal with it. It is my problem and you don't have to suffer."

Each word coming out of his mouth was like a bullet going straight through me. How do people do this, man? Breaking up can be so awful when you actually give a damn. I have had relationships in the past but none of the breakups were this hard. There was usually a fight leading to an extreme loathing for each other and then we knew it was over. However, today was different. I was sitting infront of a man who was incapable of hating me. No, he loved me. And I had no reason to hate him either.

“Do you want to go ahead with the drinks like we planned? I mean, we can just go home too if you don’t want to.” I said, just wishing hard that he refuses. Another moment of being in the vicinity of his agony and I was going to lose it.

“Drinks sound good. I could use one right now. Perhaps it’ll be easier to say goodbye then.”

Why did he have to go and say that? God damn it! We went for the drinks. I paid for everything out of guilt. He did not say a word throughout and I had no clue as to why he decided to come if he wasn’t going to utter a word. It started to get really frustrating but I felt like I owed him that much.

“So. This is goodbye Maiya. I’ll see you. Someday. Hopefully. I have to go.” He said suddenly and left. He left me just stand there, shock struck (if that’s even a word). No hugs, no nothing. He simply left. After everything we went through?

Well, it was over. I returned home with a light wallet and a very heavy heart. I thought I was going to feel much lighter once I’m done with this, but I somehow felt like I was carrying iron bricks in my chest. I did feel free but just really weighed down.

Enough with these chaotic shitstorms. It was time to pack and get the hell out of India.

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This is the first chapter of my project 'Alchemy of Her'. Before this I wrote a prologue which you can find here : https://steemit.com/story/@things/alchemy-of-her-chapter-1-crossing-borders. Stay tuned for more.

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^{Written by @things and edited by @sjennon, 2017. All rights reserved.
Image by Pexels}