Shello's Diary #16 - Timeline Jumping

That's not a click-bait either, in this post I will talk about actually shifting to a different timeline or reality, and what these things actually entail. I promised to keep everyone updated on what's going on with me, and my journey in detail- What I am documenting here, timeline jumping- Is the best way I can explain it. Welcome to my diary.

Warning! This diary is not suitable for everyone.

Perfect Ending

I thought that everything in my life was going fine for the past several months, no joke. I didn't even consider what type of path my life was taking, until something horrible happened to a great friend resulting in me stepping back to re-examine my current timeline just to make sure.

Was I really choosing the life that I wanted to have?

To put everything into perspective, I had a boyfriend that loved and would always be there and do anything for me. We would move together next year, to live at his family's home on the other side of the island. I wouldn't have to pay any rent, we had a trip to Japan in the works, I was going to be spending the holiday with his family as well.

Perfect yeah?

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Pandora's Box

I recently attended a couple of parties for holidays, thrown by the workplace I left earlier in the year. The fun thing about this is that I wouldn't know I was invited until the day of. I talk about the art classes I attend with my childhood friend Vivianne, well, she also now works for that restaurant, she said it to me smiling that; "You'll always be my +1 no matter what."

So picture me attending these parties all awkwardly trying to start being okay with socializing with everyone again haha. I didn't leave this company once, but twice. There was one person, that I wondered how they were doing, and if you've followed this story so far- It's the person who used to be my best friend who still worked there. Surely he would show up to these, I wanted to know how he was. His name is Kyle, and quite frankly I'm scared to say his name, but to not mislead anyone (and because no one on Steemit actually knows me IRL), plus I need to man the fuck up, I'll say who it is here.

I literally froze when it dawned on me why he wasn't showing up anywhere. My friends do know how much I've come to value him, and the friendship we lost, since our falling out, and me trying to put it all together. I found it strange that it suddenly felt like he no longer existed, almost a ghost. It was suspicious that no one mentioned or spoke of him at all, so I decided to ask. With the Pandora's box in my hands, I was not going to like what I would see when it was opened.

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I'm a believer that nothing in this life happens by accident, that the things that come into our awareness bear some degree of responsibility. I will not say what I learned here because that's just straight up not fair, but I will tell you what I thought.

How could I have possibly stopped caring about everyone for so long that I actually couldn't be a friend, I couldn't be there for anyone? Up until that point, I had already thought I lost him, only to be woken up to the reality that-

"No Sheryl, this time... You get to lose him for real."

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Was everything really perfect?

My friends went the extra mile to prevent me from learning something this dark, to preserve the timeline I was already on- The happily ever after that they felt like I deserved; not the special hell staring me in the face. I have some very selfless friends, that future that they wanted me to have, wouldn't have them in it and I would fall into an ignorant bliss, believing everything is okay.

I flipped the coin, to be able to visualize the reality I would be essentially trading for my happy ending route.

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Visualizing a Future Reality

Okay, so let's say me and Jake move in together as planned, I would no longer live with Kevin... my roommate one of my best friends. When I realized that I demoted him to just another roommate, my heart sank. Am I really that cold to leave him in the dust like that, after he helped me fight through 4 years of depression? I was about to just abandon him, without a second thought. He actually understands me a lot and hasn't failed to be there for me.

What the fuck?

Vivianne and her boyfriend Dennis, invited me out so many times, just for my boyfriend to decline because he was too tired. It became normal for me not to go out at all unless he was there. -And if I ever wanted to hang out with anyone outside of my core group, it wouldn't happen.

Was I really okay to become this isolated?

Then there was Jake himself, he loved me to the best ability that he could- Which excluded the ability to be my friend, to understand what I care about. I don't know about you guys, but I don't want the kind of love where they are unable to understand the why behind me, or not even try to begin with. My love, attention, and affection were being bought. I could have been anyone else, and it wouldn't have made a difference.

I have a lot of friends that married for stability, financial or emotional reasons without any real love in the picture. It matters to me, am I going to an arcade so that he can watch, or so that he can play with me? Does he understand what an auditory learner is like, and share truly awe-inspiring songs with me? Does he even know what my hobbies are?

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Clear Cut

That was enough, I broke it off immediately in a straightforward fashion, no argument, and no tears to follow. All of my friends were shocked until they realized that I wanted to avoid that timeline I was walking. It's not easy to erase 6 months of your life in an instant, to change your whole routine on a whim, but if it was consciously the only way to change my timeline, that's what I would do.

I woke up deprived of someone hugging me for no reason and reassuring me my worth, it felt lonely, not because he was gone, but simply because I was alone. The whole time I was using someone to fill the void within myself, instead of accepting the responsibility for my fuck ups and trying to really work myself out. There was no hesitation, I knew that this is what I wanted; not the loneliness but to even glimpse a timeline, that I'm not even sure I could reach.

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Shifting

What I've found to be important is that just wishing for a specific timeline will not work through thought alone. It must be reinforced by your words and actions. Sounds easy right? What will stop this from working is things like "Pride" or not being able to admit wrongs, and "Fear", why put the effort if there is no guarantees?

Nothing happens by accident, they are the results of choices being made. However, the choices are only made if you truly believe. That's what Law of Attraction, or reality shifting is.

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Morning After

I posted about the breakup only to get the strangest reply from a good friend. They asked me to come work with them, at a store near my house. What a convenient twist! I would need a job since I had to support myself, and without asking- It appeared. I remember most of that day other than that being a blur, staring off into space, in the confines of a screen.

Kevin came home and looked over at me;

"Did you eat today?"

At that moment I realized that I didn't the whole day. He reaches into a bag and pulls out my favorite 7-11 bento, I swear to god, Hawaii 7-11's absolutely rock. He also pulls out my favorite energy drink, and hands them both to me, I stared at them- and him in sheer amazement.

"I'd figure you'd forget. Don't worry Sheryl, I gotchu."

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The Following Day

Vivianne came over to my house specifically to play League of Legends, we got into a Discord chat and have played some of the most fun games I've ever played since I've first started. Then right before she packed up her laptop, she invited me to Shokudo's employee-only scavenger hunt game. I was apprehensive as all hell, cause there was no possible way they'd let me play in that with this kind of track record.

There's no way I'd actually know for sure, unless I tried.

They let me play, everyone was cool and I almost couldn't believe it. What exactly is going on here? After the game, I was invited by Dennis and Vivianne to come kick it with everyone at a bar. It was a relaxing and fun experience.

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Then yesterday Travis invited me out to hang out and apologize for doubting my choices. He used to slander Kyle so hard, but he finally stopped. Today me, Travis, and another friend Carl went to help with grocery shopping, bars, and arcading so I could play games until I literally dropped. We went to pick up food, because Kevin wants to start cooking at home.

What have I done??? x'D

I got home a little while ago, did my homework, and now I have my interview tomorrow. As I finally get the chance to type all of this out, I shiver at my thoughts. Out there, in one of the timelines far away from here, I am sitting at home, when I recall a memory. What I saw was a world full of color that I was too scared to embrace, and getting all of the realizations too late.

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So What is Supposed To Happen Now?

Lol, I'm actually not too sure. I can visualize any timeline I want, but it doesn't mean that it's the one I'll get to experience in the end. In some of them, me and Kyle really are friends again, me and Kevin get all night gaming sessions, Vivianne sets up impromptu adventures, and we all get to play and sing in a world that seems to transcend time and space. None of this will happen for sure, and I know this. That isn't the point. It matters that I'm trying, and that I am showing the universe what I want by taking steps towards this direction.

If you don't like your future don't get scared to change it, it's never too late to try. I've learned from previous shifts that nothing and I mean nothing, is too outlandish. Don't give up your dreams.

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You Can't Rewind Time

Now remember, try not to do things in life you'll regret because you'll never be able to go back to your original timeline to fix it. I mean, this sounds obvious at first, but I've seen some interesting shit. This is where many people get stuck, and trapped in the past. You can't go around rewriting the past. However, jumping to a similar timeline in the present instead is totally viable. You can't abuse something like this either, I haven't met another person with even a remotely similar experience to what I'm about to write.

There was a time a couple of years ago, where I found myself under breaking emotional and mental distress to such to such a degree, that the only way that I would ever be okay again was if I could rewind time. Right? I've been there, and it is a fucked up place you would never want to be in. I spent actual months where my visualizations at some point overtook my perception of physical reality. Imagine being completely sober, and hallucinating like this- off the deep end metaphorically laying on the concrete staring at the sky.

Anyway, what ended up happening was obviously not a time travel but a timeline jump instead. I don't have the mental fortitude to be a time traveler, but check this out. In the realm of all possibilities, for most problems in your personal life (aside from death) there are timelines where your desires are met, in a possible future. I sometimes forget this myself, but it's definitely worth keeping in mind.

You would think okay, if I went into the past and made a different choice I could avoid the scenario that happened. That's a joke, what you want to be doing is to take what you learned from the situation in the present, and use this new information to not only evade a bad future timeline but to gain the ability to recreate a better alternate scenario somewhere in the future.

This sounds super far-fetched, but as they say; "truth is always stranger than fiction." And that's where I found myself after that shift. Not just myself, but the choices I made had major impacts on other people's lives, and everyone's still living out the remnants of this shifted timeline even now. You can't go back, but you can choose the direction forward. The thing I originally wanted to travel backward to change, I instead used everything I had to change it in the future, and the result was much better than if I actually were able to rewind.

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Karmatic Cycles

So, you've heard the old sayings where a person is destined to repeat the same circumstances over and over until the lesson is learned? I can see that, unfortunately a lot of the time, the lesson never reaches the person, and although they think that their situation is completely different from before, similar problems keep arising. I learn slower than most, but don't forget anything I believe is important, especially if it's something I don't understand, my brain will not allow me to forget until I do.

I would low-key actually be stoked if cycles were permanent because everything is actually transient, you cannot live the exact same cycles over and over for eternity. But this doesn't stop me from imaging myself sitting on the floor holding a 20 sided dice, trying to eventually roll a 20 in this arc before time finally runs out.

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Alright! So this is all I have to say right now, as my days move forward I'll try to cover more perspectives and happenings around me. I'm enjoying the creative freedom to actually be able to say what's on my mind. -And although I have no clue what's to come, whatever does happen will hopefully be exciting.

Until next time,
@shello

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