RE: UNPROVEN Chapter Nine "The Big O"
This is a nice follow-up chapter, but I wanted to take this opportunity to write a little nitpick. I hope you don't mind, sis. Personally, I'm not a huge fan of head-hopping, since it could easily get messy especially when not done right. But, reading through other resources, I discovered that it's somewhat a common practice in Romance books. Given the anticipation from Ary's first time, I think it would be even better if the POV just stuck with Ary and then have the next chapter depict the same scene but from Grayson's perspective. Or, since the buildup is already from Ary's POV, this chapter could focus on Grayson's lust and attempts to keep himself from unleashing himself on Ary. Either way, I think it's just reader's preference, but I don't think it has a tremendous effect on how the chapter was structured. It's great the way it is :D The high points for me was still Ary's nervous awkwardness, trying to act like she knows what she's doing haha
Yeah, I get what you mean, and yes it is common for romance, I read a lot of that before attempting this book. But...I wonder if it would help to put an extra space when I'm changing who is thinking? Or perhaps even a couple asterisks...though I think that would disrupt the flow too much. I'll try the spaces, see how it looks.
I think the asterisk or some sort of separator would do it good. Gives the reader a sense that the scene is shifting POV. I don't think spaces would matter that much in a physical book. Some might even think the extra spaces might be a type. The separators won't disrupt the flow I think, and, in my opinion, is the best way to go without changing anything from the text.
Okay, I tried it out, let me know what you think.
OH SHOOT!! That looks so awesome! Might do that asterisk separator myself in future POV switching stories! Haha!