Link to Part One

We unloaded our luggage and Jeff took the minivan in search for our dinner.

Andy lead the charge as we entered our economy room, but then yelled “No! You're sleeping by the pool” as Kenny walked in. “Why is he sleeping at the pool?” I asked. They explained that Kenny was infested with bed bugs, lice or crabs and that if he uses the bathroom, there will be insects all over the toilet seat.

My skin began to crawl, we were sitting so close that there was no telling what I might have picked up. When we got back to the pool Steven handed me a beer and Kenny said “Lemme have beer,” “Here you go buddy” Steven replied.

Kenny cracked the beer open, took a giant mouth full and then slammed the half drunk can of beer into the pavement while screaming “Yeah!”

Kenny's macho display was too much for us, so we began to laugh and Kenny joined in. The beers were warm and gross, but after the first they seemed to get better. As the alcohol began to take hold, they were telling me a story about a kid named Paul who bought a house and named it The OG House.

Paul invited a bunch of other kids to live there for free and then he bought a Monster Truck for fifty thousand dollars, to impress girls and to use it as a regular vehicle. But the truck would never run for more than thirty minutes before something would fail, so Paul was always in need of a ride and the friends that he purchased couldn't care less.

Paul went crazy

launching every item in the house into the back yard and then set all their possessions on fire. Then the wind began torching The OG House and it too perished in the fire. I asked what happened to Paul and Steven who was siting to my right said “Paul's dad had enough and now has him offshore on a drilling operation, but at least they didn't abandon him like mine.”

Steven solemnly looked down and Ryan walked over, put his hand on Steven's back and said “It's cool, we got you, your test came back negative and we should be celebrating.” Andy then changed the subject by nudging the table with his foot and knocking Ryan's beer over while saying “So what's your story,” while staring at me.

I couldn't figure out what to say, so Andy continued “And why are you so skinny?” Then Steven looked up at me and said “When I saw you at the gas station, I thought you were about to die.” I was in shock “Do I look that bad?” I asked. Then Andy said “Lift your shirt” and as I lifted my shirt they let out a nervous laughter, the kind you make when you see someone getting injured. Then Andy yelled “You look like you just got out of Auschwitz!”

My mind went to a dark place,

the alcohol robbed me of my filter and I said “Growing up I didn't always have food.” I paused for a moment, trying to stop myself from saying another word, but I became angry and continued

“A couple of years ago I went six weeks with out eating, because I was sick of being known at school as the kid that ate from the trash can. The pain got so bad that I went to steal something from the grocery store, but passed out in the middle of the store. When I woke up, I was in the hospital and they were feeding me intravenously. They asked for my name so I gave them some other kids name and address. As soon as they left the room I ripped out the IV and escaped before the cops got there to put me in one of those rapey group homes, so that's why I'm so fucking short and skinny!”

As soon as I finished the story I realized that I was exposed,

the reason why whenever I was paid a compliment, I would hear the voice whisper in my ear “If they only knew,” was now sitting on the table for all of them to ridicule, I was mortified. No one said a word, they all just stared at me except for Kenny who was smiling at the pool, so I stood up and said “Maybe I should go.”

“No, sit down!” the demanded. Steven grabbed my arm and said “You wanna know where I was three months ago? I was selling my body for crack and heroin.” I tried to hold it in for as long as I could but I couldn't help it, I burst into laughter. Steven hugged me and said “You're one of us.” Andy said “We are all black sheep, except for Kenny, I don't know what he is.

In that moment I realized that I was not alone and that they didn't care how shameful my past was.

Ryan said “My parents couldn't give a shit about me, they shipped me off to three different boarding schools trying to get rid of me, but they didn't pull that shit with my asshole brother, because they want him to take over the business and they want me to work for him. The only reason they haven't disowned me is because it would make the family look bad.”

Ryan looked at Andy attempting to get him to open up, but Andy didn't say a word. Ryan then began reminiscing with Andy about some girl and Steven leaned over and softly said “When Andy was fifteen he got caught hurting the servant's little kids and now he's in therapy.” I looked at Andy and wondered why, did something happened to him as child or did he received asshole genes.

“So, what's the deal with Jeff, why is he paying for everything?"

I asked. Steven explained that Jeff's parents are extremely wealthy and his dad bought him a small chain of businesses and was mentoring him so that they would become international companies too. Steven paused for a moment, looked up at Andy and said “Remember when I kicked Jeff through the wall?” and they started laughing.

Then they began swapping stories about the times they beat up Jeff, so I asked “Why would you fight Jeff, he seems so cool?” Ryan said “You don't understand, Jeff used to be so obnoxious that we had to kick his ass all the time, just to get him stop.”

I got up and said “I'm going to take a shower” and Ryan offered me some of his clothes. When I got out of the shower I saw that there were groceries and pizzas on the bed, so I went outside to find everyone. “I have a surprise for you” Jeff announced while holding up an orange pepper. “What is it,” I asked and Jeff smiled with glee.

“It's a habanero pepper, eat it as fast as you can.”

Steven said with a worried look on his face. I didn't know what I was in for, nor did the happy couple that was busy whispering sweet nothings in the jacuzzi. Jeff said “On the count of three, one... two... three!” and each of us inserted the pepper.

As soon as I began to chew, the pepper released it's awful flavor. My mouth began to burn and I remembered that I needed to get it down fast so I picked up the pace and then swallowed. The next thing I knew we were all bent over throwing up all over the concrete.

My entire face was burning and snot was coming out of my nose. I could hear some yelling, so I tried to look at the happy couple to see their reaction but I was blinded by my fiery tears.

“I knew we shouldn't have stayed at such a shit-hole, look at these lowlifes!”

the woman said. In defiance I grabbed one of their towels to wipe the disaster off my face and I could see that they were no longer happy. I looked back at the chaos behind me to see the victims of the wrathful habanero pepper.

Their faces were red with long strands of mucous hanging as they gagged uncontrollably and Kenny was projectile vomiting into the pool. It looked like this was ground zero of some terrible outbreak and that we were in it's final stage, if one of us fell over and died, I would not have been surprised in the least.

The happy couple was now hurling insults directed at me and I had had enough,

so I began vomiting into the jacuzzi. They immediately got out and the guy said “Oh you are going to get it now!” In a strained voice I said “You don't want what I've got” while dry heaving. The woman grabbed his arm and yelled “Don't touch him!” and the man froze dead in his tracks.

Then they quickly gathered their possessions except for the towel that I had commandeered and they scuttled away. All of us laughed hysterically at this, but the pepper's fury wasn't done with us yet. By the time we were finally able to eat, everything was cold and our taste buds had fallen victim to the habanero's rage. After we ate I felt completely sober and everyone except for Ryan and me continued to drink.

”Would you like an Ambien?”

Ryan asked. “What does it do?” I inquired. “It will help you sleep and they are fun to stay awake on too. I'm gonna to take one and watch these fools drink” he replied. We both took an Ambien and we relaxed by the pool.

Steven and Andy were taking turns riding Kenny as if he was some sort of pony, that would yell every time that it was steered into piles puke. I mentioned to Jeff that the van was full of dents from the truckers and he said “Don't worry about it, a few weeks ago my buddy Frank bought some dynamite at the Gun Show and we're gonna blow it up when we get home.”

I wondered how it would feel to be able to blow a van up on a whim and how someone would be able to get away with it. Jeff got up and said “It's my turn, I hope this donkey knows how to swim” while climbing on Kenny's back.

As I watched the angry donkey try to get out of the pool,

everything seemed to get darker and I began seeing shadow people. Thousands of them were all around me and I knew that they were all here for me. It was as if the spirit realm had opened it's doors so all the spirits could come just to show me how much they cared. I got up and said good night to Ryan and I walked with all my new shadowy friends into the room, so I could go to bed.

Links

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The Death of a Hitchhiker – Part One
The Death of a Hitchhiker – Part Two
The Death of a Hitchhiker – Part Three
The Death of a Hitchhiker – Part Four
The Death of a Hitchhiker – Part Five

When a High Pressure Salesman Shakes Hands with a Lunatic in Disguise