My Greatest Fear as a Parent... - #steemitmamas competition entry
I don't often enter competitions but this one is particularly close to my heart, being a parent of a child with additional needs.
Here is the competition if you wish to enter too : https://steemit.com/steemitmamas/@steemitmamas/steemitmamas-parent-contest-3-weeks-of-winners
My greatest fear as a parent is that my son will think he is a failure due to him not achieving the exam results the schools expect.
My son has ADHD, Tourette’s Syndrome and Autistic tendencies. Suffice to say, he does not fit into any school pigeon holes.
He was home-schooled for a while after it became apparent early on that schools were not going to be able to support him in the way he needed and wouldn’t accommodate his learning styles.
However when he reached senior school, he missed being with other children (all the home schooled children in this area were so young compared to him) and he decided he wanted to go back into a mainstream school setting.
I decided that he was old enough to know his own mind and agreed to let him try it out.
He has been back in mainstream school for a few years now and his grades are not what are expected of him according to his intelligence level.
The problem is he is extremely intelligent, yet doesn’t have the capacity to sit down for any length of time and write pages about anything at all. He can take in knowledge about something that would blow an adult's mind and understand it instantly if he is interested, but he cannot write it down to prove it.
I love my son no matter what and have fought to the ends of the earth to keep him from being medicated with speed (Ritalin if you like). We tried the ADHD drugs as the school wanted him on them to help him concentrate, but they made him suicidal and aggressive so I took him off them.
The school opposed me on this and reported me and We had a fight on our hands not to have him taken away from us, but we won in the end.
School constantly tells my son he is not good enough. They know he is intelligent and it frustrates them that he isn’t doing the work to back it up.
I tell him that school is not the be all and end all in life and to enjoy his time there with his friends and try to learn about the subjects that interest him the most.
I am lucky in a sense that he has hardly any empathy so he really doesn’t care that the school tells him he is failing; their opinion of him is irrelevant in his eyes. On the other hand, he can get into trouble if he speaks his mind to the teachers so we are regularly called into school about this.
So my biggest fear is that he will eventually be worn down by the schooling system, and I am helpless to control it as he wants to stay there because he loves being with his friends.
I will not take his social life away by removing him from school, so I just hope he stays being the same individual, amazing young man that he is and continues to shine bright.
I know he will achieve anything he wants to in life; he is a special passionate young man and I love him with my whole heart.
Thank you so much for stopping by!
Much love, Cheryl xx
I'm so sad to see that schools are still not able to accommodate children with special needs. Yes, they are different but it doesn't mean that they are worthless! I'm sure he is strong enough to stand this and he will prove that he is capable of more than they think :)
My heart goes out to you!!!! Having a daughter with ADHD myself, we struggled with the education system and medicines as well. You are an amazing mom! Hang in there, love on him and encourage him to find what learning method works best for him. My daughter graduated from college! (We were surprised she was excepted to college) She found a group of supportive friends in college to study with, which included developing her own study habits which worked for her. Finding their niche and support system is so helpful! Blessings to you and your family :)
Thank you! People often don't understand ADHD, they just think they are naughty children or can't be bothered to work. They don't realise they can be passionate about the things that matter to them. And when you refuse to drug them, the teachers just don't get it. they don't see the negative mental health effects, only that they can produce written work and that is all they care about. I am so pleased your daughter has done so well, it is always good to hear positive stories! xD
Thank you :)
He has one thing going for him such a loving and caring mother, keep up the fight and support and he will do fine, I can relate as our Grandson has Autism/ADHD and he also has trouble in some areas but is amazing bright in others and ha smy undying love and support
Awww thank you Jay :) Yes, they shine so bright don't they. It is a shame people don't always see it
Yes that is indeed Sad, Zach is such a treasure and the hardest working kid i have ever seen he always wants to help with doing things and is so loving
ah! poor guy. As long as he understands that school is not forever, I would hope he wouldn't let it affect him too much.
My husband Mork had a really difficult time at school, with ADHD and dyslexia, but, he is soo intelligent and stubborn (in the best possible way) that he would not let it defeat him, and he is now a fantastic writer.
I think school was really tough on him, but I know the struggles made him the man he is today.
Good luck to your boy. xx He is special and loved, and that is what is important xx
I start to think your son is at the same school mine was. He did not learn anything, daily I helped him out for hours! Kind of frustrating. The school sucked so did the teachers... even wrote his will was too strong and needed be broken.
Time for an other school. He managed well since he is high intelligent but it did not work out because the Muslim kids forced him to kneel for Allah otherwise he would be punished... he refused... long story short... no school wanted him because of this school, he ended up abroad, strange country... a language he did not speak.
He just made his test last week, probably not... so I do not know what to do next. At school he has an A for everything but the test?
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This is shocking, yet it doesn't surprise me :(
I am sure he will do well in life with you by his side supporting him all the way. Big hugs xx
(Privately thinking: To have an intelligent kid with no filters tell his teachers exactly what he thinks ... must comes as quite a shock. There were times I devoutly wished I had the courage to do that.)
haha yes, sometimes I have to stop myself from laughing when they tell me what I have been called into school for xD
Oh, I think that might make a marvelous post!!
Also, I guess it's a good thing he's your kid, ''cause this is where the school and I might butt heads (rather like your son, I suppose.)
My hairdresser once got a call from her daughter's high school principal because her daughter called one of the boys on the playground "a pussy." My hairdresser asked me what I thought of that, and my response was, "Well, is he?"
haha I honestly wish that I had kept a diary over the years of all the funny things he has come out with. He is so matter of fact but it is hilarious at times, especially as he is usually right! lol xD
Your son is amazing. He's lucky to have a loving, supporting parent like you on his side. Too bad the school isn't more supportive. Good luck in the contest, I hope you win!
Thank you so much! :)
Dear I feel your fear, this is something that get delivered with delivering. From their birth on we are There to protect them and we Will always.
Thats Being MAMA, love the school foto with his suit he is a handsome Guy, and I wish him that his dreams come true and that he always Will stay believing in those dreams 👊
Thank you so much :) You are right, we will always fight for them, no matter what! That is what being a mum is all about :)
Amen!
Your son is unique, he will find a hobby or something he loves and will do brilliantly, with a mother like you giving him the confidence he needs he will go far. :)
Thank you Karen. He is still into wrestling at the moment and it helps get rid of some of the excess energy so perhaps he will stick with this hobby lol :)
That brings back memories, we had Jessica into Kickboxing, she was really good at it, won a few trophy's but then her bust started to grown and it didn't stop LOL if she did kick boxing now she would knock herself out and everyone else, haha bless her :)
haha oh the joys of big boobs! I really don't understand why young girls have implants, they are so painful to carry around all the time! lol
I used to have big boobs, always covered mine then got them reduced. Jess flaunts hers, they literally could knock you over if she turned quickly... They are huge haha
Hugs to you. It is so hard when our kids are under attack by a system that is supposed to help them. some schools are doing much better now - but in the end, they are more concerned about crowd control than the individuals. Somewhat understandable but not fun if your child is not fitting in that easily.
Shame that you didn't have more older homeschoolers in your area or a more fitting school.
My daughter went to a high school after being homeschooled that was a combination - 2 to 3 days in school, the rest study at home.
All the best to your son - it sounds like he is doing okay with the push back he is getting. And good for you to say no to the drugs!
Thank you so much! It is a huge school too so they really don't have the time to give the children individual care and I get that, but I still wish they wouldn't put so much emphasis on 'pass or fail' results. You can't fail school in my eyes, but you can survive it ;)
I love this sentence. That's what a lot of us do. Even those of us who can play by the rules and get good grades and do all the right things. We survive it -- as a requirement to finally get a life of our own. I never want to be a child again -- for a whole lot of reasons. One trauma after another.