Well, that's inappropriate - A preschool story

Preschool children surprise me every day. Sometimes it's a good surprise, like when they catch on to a story I am reading, and their hand shoots up, and they say, "that sneaky fox is going to eat that gingerbread man!" Then we talk predictions, and it is a wonderful piece of preschool paradise.

Sometimes, however, they will say or do something that will make me stop dead in my tracks, whip my head around and say, "What did you just say?" It is something not right for someone so young. Completely not appropriate for their age. Let's get started!

Jerry Springer Fights
While riding the bus on a family field trip, I took a stroll down the bus aisle to check on the families. A three-year old was watching her mom's phone, hysterically laughing. Mom smiles at me and says, "Oh she's watching her videos." Her videos. And on the phone in her tiny hands, in all trash glory, were two ladies beating the daylights out of each other on some talk show. I mean punching, screaming, hair pulling craziness. The wee child thought it hilarious. The mom thought it adorbs. I was speechless.

Side note: I googled "girl fights" to get a nice image, and they were anything but. I'm a teacher, man. I can't be googling stuff like that. Pretty much means that kid shouldn't have been watching it, either.



Chucky
Clearly, this is a halloween staple for many families. This knife-yielding murderer arrives every year, right around October. Chucky may take the form of the baby doll as the child chases another around the classroom. Or the actual child may become Chucky as they put on a red wig from the dramatic play area. Whatever form, this horror star is the reason why I cannot have play-dough knives in my classroom.



We All Float
A new horror star has emerged this year, taking the shape of Pennywise the Clown from IT. Maybe it's the movie, maybe somebody's cousin is rehashing the horrible 90's made-for-tv-movie. Doesn't matter for a 3-year old. This character is less imitated and more feared. Had to completely ditch any clown wig, costume, circus book, anything for months.



Side note: I love this book, too. In the end, the animal goes to the circus. Clowns are visible. Children are freaking out. Thanks, Stephen King.



Gangsta Rap
I was incredibly pleased when I overheard my student rapping and chanting numbers while his friends bounced along. Little, innocent PaRappa the Rappers, until the second verse. Let's take a listen, shall we?

I got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight M's in my bank account, yeah

Counting! Saving money, too! How nice. I bounce along. This child's got flow! Next verse...

I got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight shooters ready to gun you down, yeah

Gun you down? Wait. What you say? The sweet four year old says, "Like a gun, Miss Daisy! Bang!" The other boys giggle as they all use their fingers as guns. I pause, take a breath and say, "Look! There's no one in the block area!" Easily distracted, they are. Off they run. Jedi mind trick, thank you.



Twerking
Yup. Dancing is a part of preschool. Twerking is a dance. Therefore ... nope! Yes, your older sister can do it. I guess your mom can do it. Hell, I'd like to see this one kid's dad do it. But there's something about a five year old grabbing ankles and shaking it like there's no tomorrow that is just wrong. And how could I place a photo here? Google image a twerking child? I shall not because I never want to see the results EVER, and, I must repeat, it's not good for my job. Again, you know that ain't good.



Toilet Licking
Yes. Caught the child red handed. Or red tongued? Whatever. In my preschool, we have four individual bathrooms in a common area. The teacher supervises as the children use the bathrooms. It is required for their safety, as they are quite young and many are just learning how to use the toilet and need our help. As I peaked in on little Sarah, she was licking the silver pipe that leads to the flushing mechanism. STOP! I exclaim. All declarative statements (the toilet is for peeing, our tongues belong in our mouths, the pipe is dirty) are null and void. I run in and say "Don't put your mouth on that!"

She replies, "It's cold." As she goes back to lick it once more.

Then again, she is that child that is never absent, never gets ill, and attends every day of school, rain or shine. She's possibly combating millions of germs through her actions.

Maybe some things aren't so inappropriate after all?

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jerry
chucky
clown
parappa
bank account lyrics
no
john