Never Fall In Love In 2nd Grade
I overheard a funny conversation where my 10 year old niece was talking to my 11 month old daughter.
My niece was telling my daughter all about the boys in her 4th grade class. She was explaining which boys liked which girls in her class. I had to stop myself from laughing out loud when she told her baby cousin "never fall in love in 2nd grade." According to her stories about the boys and girls "dating" in her 4th grade class, there have been many twists and turns in the romance department spanning back to 2nd grade.
Funny But Upsetting
I think hearing my 10 year old niece talking about boys is funny because none of the 4th graders have parents who let them really date. To them dating means asking someone to date and if they say yes they are boyfriend and girlfriend by words alone. They don't go on dates, hold hands, or anything else. They are innocents so they don't really know what dating is or what it really means to date. My niece still cringes in embarrassment when she sees people kiss so I know to her and her girl friends it is a game they play. Kids act out adult behaviors as part of the process of learning how to be grown up.
Kids Learning To Be Adults Too Soon?
I often watch the Disney channel with my niece and I have decided I NEVER want my daughter to watch the Disney Channel. Show after show features girls who are boy crazy. I really don't like what lessons my niece picks up from these shows. When she discusses romance in 4th grade, her stories mirror what I'm seeing on Disney Shows. I noticed when she was very young she would behave in similar ways as the girls on the TV shows she was watching.
As a parent I worry about my daughter acting like Hannah Montana, Jessie, Liv and Maddie, and more. The kids act like adults and are sassy and rude to their parents. They obsess about having boyfriends/girlfriends, their looks, and other things kids shouldn't be thinking about.
Television Is A Powerful Influence
When I was in 2nd grade we girls never talked about boys. We might have teased one another if we thought a boy was cute but boys had cooties and were gross. Parents would say "oh your too young to think about boys" and we would go on being kids. I feel like children today learn about adult behaviors much earlier in life in part because the media features kids in more adult roles. I remember romance being a bit of an element to kids media as a kid but not as much as it is today. For many kids shows it is the main story arch.
My niece has been talking about her and her friends having boyfriends since 2nd grade. To me that's a bit scary. I don't want my daughter to be boy crazy so young. I don't want her to be worrying about her looks so young. But that is what is on the minds of many of today's kids. Role models for female children are boy crazy, constantly worrying about their looks, and basing their success in life by how attractive they are to males.
The Media Is A Powerful Influence
It upsets me that the Disney channel doesn't provide better role models for children. Kids watch these shows thinking it's normal for 12 year olds to be boy crazy. At school the girls talk about the shows and pretend they are their favorite characters, reenacting the plot lines from the shows. They pretend the boys in their class are in love with them and want to be their boyfriends. They might not understand what romance, love, and being part of a couple is but they are learning adult concepts extremely young. My nieces stories involve constant breakups, the switching of romantic partners, cheating, and more. What 4th grader needs to worry about a boyfriend cheating?
I want my daughter to remain innocent as long as she can.
When she's older my husband and I agree we don't want her watching a lot of modern kids shows and are considering dropping cable and just buying DVDs. We might not be able to control what she learns from other kids but we can control the media that influences her. We won't put her in a bubble but we will try to protect her innocence as long as possible. I don't want her to worry about being pretty or what boys think of her. Girls need good role models and my husband and I will do our best to provide her with role models who will make her aspire to grow up to be an achiever instead of a boy's girlfriend.
Very good post. I agree with homeschooling up until an age a child is developed enough to be demonstrating good decision making skills and a strong independent nature not easily influenced by large peer groups to belong, but with the exception of the level of adulthood the parents themselves demonstrate. Sadly their are lots of parents who would do more damage to their children by homeschooling them if they are abusive, neglectful, uneducated themselves, and mentally and emotionally not mature and responsible enough to educate any children. I don't know if their are but some standards should exist to protect children who are homeschooled but at the same time our society as a whole is somewhat immature, abusive and neglectful as well and fails to enforce even a proper set of standards because of influences of money, power, social appearance, etc. Even adoption of children by the system is broken in many ways allowing problemed adults to care for children who end up growing up into more problemed adults.
Another thing I hate is parents dressing their kids as grown ups. That really upsets me. Im by far a prude but to me a child must remain a child as long as they are exactly that. That's the beauty of innocence <3
Oh me too! Little boys don't need to dress like Justin Beiber and little girls don't need manicures and tight clothes. Childhood is so short and parents need to enjoy the innocence.
Sometimes I wonder if one of the issues is that parents don't want to have to behave in a reserved manner to avoid destroying their childrens' innocence. So they don't hide it from them, and destroy childhood. And/or some just think that the kids are kids and don't understand so it doesn't matter. (The ones that don't understand I feel are made extremely vulnerable by this behavior.)
But who cares as long as the parents don't have to abstain from adult behavior, right?
I think in ways you are right. I also think parents today are lazy and like to park their kids in front of the TV, youtube, etc. and let the media do the parenting while actual parents go off and do other things. Kids have access to so much on youtube alone that they pick up on adult themes without parents knowing it. Kids are glued to their tablets, phones, etc. and the media to me is teaching them more than adults.
If I ever have a kid in the future, I can tell you that I definitely wouldn't let them go unchecked on the internet and with their devices.
Their devices would be very limited. And I know the shit kids do to get around that kinda stuff.
The funny thing is, when I was a young teen and finally had internet, I was the one that didn't fall for any of that crap. Yeah, I spoke with strangers, mostly much older than me, but there was only ever one that I gave any real information on myself, and that's because he took on a big brother role with me and went out of his way to chase away anyone that he knew was bad news when talking to young teens.
Fifteen years later, we still talk occasionally. He never tried anything with me. And he even asked to speak with my parents to ask permission to send me a present. I had been getting into anime a lot and he sent me some VCDs of some good animes to watch, along with a bunch of Japanese candy and snacks.
My birthgiver, on the otherhand, fell for many scams, including a 419 scammer she "was in love with" and all sorts of other things.
My Gran didn't know much about the internet (still doesn't) but even she could see Birthgiver was being a fucking idiot and I was the one being smart and mature.
Despite the fact that my experience online was very different from what you typically hear, and I was smart enough to avoid trouble, I wouldn't leave my own kid to dive through the interwebs the way I did when I was a young teenager.
I was raised by the television, and as a young teen, I went out into the internet and was raised by the internet and television.
I was alright from that. But I'm not naive and wouldn't expect the same results if I had a child of my own.
Deep very deep
Oh I 100% agree about the t.v. I've got 3 boys so it's a bit different, but there are still so many programs that I just don't like them watching. My eldest is 11 and he really likes the kind of kids manga cartoons. There are very few that I'll let him watch though because the girls in these types of cartoons are so often portrayed as highly sexualised, wearing next to nothing and just squeaking and giggling all the time.
I've often thought about how I'd feel having a daughter in this day and age. We really have to think hard and monitor the inputs into our children's lives as the 24/7 media, plus things like Youtube and everything is just non-stop.
Funnily enough, my 11 year old has not shown the slightest bit of interest in girls, but my 8 year old is always 'falling in love'. Ha!
On the one hand hilarious on the other hand dangerous ;))) Kids should be kids. Now younger and younger children are going to school and are educated so what is less stressful is interesting. Have a wonderful weekend ;)))
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