Your first paragraph hit the nail on the head, and as far as the school goes, their ENTIRE ETHOS is about embracing the child, no matter their "quirk" - and for the most part, are AMAZING at this.

We met with principal and teacher today and seem to have found a happy middle ground forward.... so lets see... I am all "for" lovey dovey teaching, BUT when discipline needs to be given, then it NEEDS to be given and today, she was TOLD to be firmer with my son. she said she is quite happy to take a harder approach with him - and I am happy with that. so lets see.... we said we would re-connect at the end of the term. Both me and the principal have agreed that Jude is very.... well, - "persuasive" (cough....manipulative) and need s a FIRMER approach, otherwise he will very "sexily" walk all over you... HAHAAHA (true story! lol)

So... time will tell :)