Hellbent caretakers - "Farmpunk" freewrite preparation

in #steemitbloggers6 years ago (edited)

Please, let me know what you think of part 1 of my entry for @blockurator's farmpunk (rural cyberpunk) freewrite contest. I'm only at 1/3rd of the goal: 260 out of 750 words minimum. It's fun.



I use this image for every writing contest entry. source

Hellbent caretakers

The crate with all of the production goods was there, and just like that, it wasn't anymore. That always brings relief. Staring at the now empty funneling tunnel makes me wonder who'd replace me if I threw myself in there. It has been a long time since the last employee disappeared. We're on the longest accident-free streak ever. I still remember the last time I couldn't ship the pumpkins in time. All of the hellbent went lose and Joe almost died.

Unfortunately for him, this old man is still finalizing pumpkins. Someone has to make sure a mistake like that doesn't happen again. It's a burden, but it gives me the luxury of sending my daughter to school. Even though she knows the risk, she's stopped whining about it. It took her a dozen years, but she finally understands commitment to her own affairs.

Someone yells right behind me. I turn aggressively, nearly punching Joe, but he dodged in the nick of time. After our bitter greeting routine, we walk the miles back to the factory stable. I look at him, as all of a sudden, his eye gadget beeps. They've come up with a clever name for that thing - Human Interaction Visual Engine, or HIVE. It sparks too brightly while he gets orders from headquarters, making eavesdropping painful to the eyes. But that just means I won't be involved this time.

He looks at me briefly before running away. Watching his back once more, I can't help but think we're too old for this. The boss has to hurry up with the new recruits already. She'll have to hear about it wether I owe her or not.

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first time i ever hear about farmpunk lol ... i'm not a gremmer nazi but on a first scan you got three spelling mistakes, im not sure how much that matters to the contest owners (it wouldnt to me as the story or idea takes precedence) ... its an open road

looks like the story could go anywhere :))

I'm not a native english speaker so if you could point my mistakes to me, I'd appreciate it. How does the story sound so far? The contest owner's idea is basically rural cyberpunk.

I agree with this part:

im not sure how much that matters to the contest owners (it wouldnt to me as the story or idea takes precedence)

I too focus on the content (ideas) more than the written words, but many curators like @curie won't upvote a post that is full of typos.

Off to a good start.

Thanks... I've never done anything like this. Hopefully it'll still turn out awesome, haha.

I've made a lot of corrections. Should be a lot clearer now. Please take a second look when you have the time.

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