Top 8 Reasons Why Steem Will Succeed (Warning: Dark Humor)steemCreated with Sketch.

in #steemit6 years ago (edited)

Top 8 Reasons Why Steem Will Succeed

Well, it's been a while since I watched a live stream of anything that didn't require a subscription fee and wasn't best enjoyed with my trousers unzipped, but I honestly enjoyed watching Steemfest 2 and hope I could be at the next one. But with how the price of Steem has been heading lately I wouldn't be surprised if Steemfest 3 in held at Ned's mom's basement, not that that'll be the first time I'll be watching a live stream from there...

Anyway, so in these uncertain times I feel it's my duty as an unqualified but eager financial adviser and gynecologist to share with you some investment insight that is just as likely to lead you to financial freedom as if you called that number scribbled on your local public toilet stall door and asked for trading tips. Thus I bring you the Top 8 Reasons Why Steem Will Succeed:


  1. Sound Concept - The overarching idea of directly rewarding people based on the popularity of the content they create is sound, and the platform has proven to work. Steem is one of the very few projects in this space that isn't mindlessly shoving a blockchain based crypto up the rear end of something completely unrelated in a desperate attempt to cash in on this latest craze. A coin for Whatsapp-like program? A coin for an Uber clone? Is there a coin that rewards you every time you roll a bit navel lint into a ball and plop it into your boss's coffee? Some of these other blockchain projects are like trying to fit Lego pieces on your fucking hemorrhoids: Lego is great and all but it doesn't automatically go with everything. Thankfully, digital currency and content creation is a natural fit.

  2. Popularity - is currently hovering around the top 2,000 global websites rank when measured by traffic. The site was only at around rank 20,000 when I first joined 8 months ago, and back then I would never have expected it to catch up to one of my favorite porn sites in such a short period of time. The Steem blockchain also boasts more actual transactions a day than Bitcoin and Ethereum combined which means people are getting more real life use out of it than out of your mom.

  3. Scalability - Steem has proven to be considerably more scalable than the majority of cryptos on the market. It's Graphene infrastructure allows for very high transactions per second with absolutely no fee for the user. As a point of comparison, congestion has recently propelled Bitcoin's fees to over $100 per transaction unless you want to wait hours or even days before your payment will go through; is this really feasible in the long term? I'm pretty sure the Mafia can launder your money at a better rate than that. It's like if you're a guy and your own asshole charged you an enormous fee every time you want to use it or you're left trying to shit through your dick.

  4. Constantly Updated - The Steem blockchain code can be amended fairly readily and has already gone through a large number of upgrades without a hitch. Most importantly, when the blockchain code does get updated, it doesn't leave behind an evil cancerous twin that will later try to attack and consume the original and sleep with his wife. By avoiding this shortcoming, Steem does not need to choose between risking its own tech becoming obsolete, and risking its own value being diluted by self created competition each time it attempts to improve its own code.


  5. Accessibility - Steem is far more accessible for the average layman than almost all other crypto coins. It's fast, friction-less and feels very much like using a conventional social media platform except you're getting a bit of money for doing what you enjoy, provided you enjoy sifting through endless streams of brain dead essays to find that one half baked post that's slightly less shit than all the others to be worthy of your $0.02 vote. Steem is the gateway drug to blockchain tech - the equivalent of taking that all important first puff of weed that leads you inevitably down the path to when you have to use a mirror just to find a vein that hasn't yet hardened.

  6. Smart Media Tokens - Yes SMTs are coming and they could be a game changer. Opinions vary greatly over how useful these are going to be, ranging from as useless as a glory hole in a piranha tank, to as useful as a pair of beer goggles that didn't simultaneously give you a whiskey dick whenever you put them on. I think having a digital currency is a good solution for many relatively popular websites who are otherwise have difficulty finding an adequate revenue stream. Even if every SMT ends up being a pile of runny shit, the asshole that dispenses the diarrhoea could still be quite valuable. Indeed this is very much the philosophy that Fox news runs on.

  7. Expansion Steem is not solely tied to the Steemit website; a growing number of other platforms use Steem as well. So even if were to fail, which is unlikely these days, Steem can still hold value depending on how well the other platforms are performing. With Busy, Esteem, Utopia, and all those D sites (which disappointingly, feature content that's mostly safe for work) shifting into gear, the Steem ecosystem is really taking shape. While I think it's unlikely that all these projects will take off in the long run; you know, like how in evolutionary biology, most mutations just lead to something useless like a toenail growing out of your nose or some shit, but sometimes they can lead to phenomenal traits like super strength or flight or mind reading if those X-Men documentaries are anything to go by. We basically only need one platform to skyrocket up the popularity charts to succeed, so with the single currency Steem, you're really already hedging your bets.

  8. Steem has gone through a lot of shit! - Most impressive to me, is that it's achieved all of the above through a shit storm of problems in its first year and a half: a disastrous hyper inflation model that was thankfully later rectified, a hardfork that left the rewards pool empty for weeks and our superstar former CTO fucking off on us, just to name a few. Hell, things could hardly be any worse if Harvey Weinstein is revealed to be the real owner of the Steemit account. It has traveled miraculously far to date considering every time it has attempted to avoid the dog shit on the ground, it steps squarely into a fucking bear trap. I believe the worst is behind us and that going forward, the team at Steem Inc. has got their bearings and good things are to come.

So there you have it, irrefutable arguments that Steem will succeed! In summary, if you don't want to fit Lego on your hemorrhoids, or shit through your dick, and you like spankwire but don't want to be killed by an evil doppelganger who'll proceed to have sex with your wife, enjoy using hard drugs, agree that a glory hole in a piranha tank is not useful, rather have superpowers than a toenail growing out of your nose and don't want to step in bear traps, then buy some Steem. Boy I feel sorry for the people who just skipped to the conclusion.

Of course I do think there are some issues with Steem, but I'll save them for another day when I'm not feeling as positive and uplifted as I am right now. Steem on boys and girls =)

Image from
Steemit logo from Steem Inc.

If you enjoyed this piece, please Upvote, Resteem and follow me @trafalgar. Also, check out my new account @traf for short one liners and memes. I think good original short content is far more engaging, very difficult to create and should be rewarded accordingly, so please contribute to and support high quality short content on the platform.

Also, if you create good original short content, throw in the tag 'punchline' and I'll likely catch them. I think short form content has the potential to have a much stronger impact these days, so if your'e talented in this area, please don't hide it.


all I got out of reading this post was "spankwire", so at least I got something out of it......

.... just kidding, overall this was pretty darn funny, though it seems mentioning CNN over, well, virtually any other network may have better driven that point home! lol

If 50% gave 50% a chance instead of just commenting on what's popular, we'll be halfway there haha!

I totally agree with you. I just came to the platform, I got convinced after watching a compelling youtube video. I thought this could become my new "Quora"... So far, my first impression is that many comments are only a few words long and are posted on popular posts. Some people are trying to get rewards with a flood of comments and that is already annoying to me...

Oh, you haven't even seen the whole circlejerking thing that Steemit is notorious for. You're in for a treat! I'm very hopeful that things change for the better though. But, I just want to set expectations here. I've been here for more than a year, and I'm not doing any better than many people who just started here for a couple of months. It's not like I haven't been putting in the work, it's just that cliques aren't all that inclusive. There's a lot of politicking happening.

Crap, haha, Jed is literally one of my best friends on steemit, like family to me- in fact steemit friendships develop in dog years which is a pretty cool feature of this place that should have been mentioned in this post, lol, but let's say I am the Tigger to his Rabbit.

There are indeed some flaws in this place, but as I recently said in a post- if it was easy to get it to work seamlessly then there would already be a hundred competitors.

Jed if you read this comment, I challenge you to name ten people who are doing as well as you that have been here only a couple months let alone most people, (traf doesn't count, nor does anyone's alt accounts) sheesh you really are a Rabbit sometimes haha!

It's a social platform, so be social- thoughtful, useful, original, positive comments are key. The few word commenters on repeat are getting nowhere but ignored or even flagged. Find people you relate to and connect with and be consistent.
Popular posts with a ton of comments on's best to do what you just did here and connect with other commenters, likely the post author is already overwhelmed and the best you can expect is a response to your comment (and most times not even that until you gain some rep) that will probably not result in them visiting your post unless it's a magic moment and you struck a chord in them that resonates huge.

Hm, it's been a long while since I've done a tips for newbies post...haha, actually my one year anniversary is approaching, I'll likely do something along those lines as part of that celebration.

But in all seriousness, if you want to do well here you have to put in serious time and effort in the beginning, I did and it has resulted in -above all a group of invaluable, irreplaceable friends from all over the globe. If making lots of money is your primary goal, then you're a lot more likely to be disappointed, but if you want to meet interesting people from all over the world, if you love creating whatever it is you happen to create and consider the money as a bonus then you won't regret any of your time spent, I definitely don't, and actually you're more likely to attract that money to you.

Hope you give it a chance :)

(I love you Rab--err @jedau ;)

Thanks, man!

Awesome comments here haha!

It takes a special talent to write one simple line that simultaneously caused me to feel good vibrationswarm and fuzzies (from the well-deserved compliment) and have visions of naked people doing...stuff...

Or else how about making steem based cam site or pornhub clone? ;)

@acidyo asked and he shall receive:

Check out this new poster...with some sweet short one-liner, but don't even know how to self-vote, do a proper intro, or edit the profile to give readers a clue, and he even upvoted my upgoat..hehe, the best part.....the noobs upvoting and commenting don't even know they are being messed with...haha 😀😁😂

then go see the rest....'Cleaner, driving for a living' is smacky-wacky as shit! 😝

Dry Humor: Still Elluding Steemit Noobs
source: pinterest

This one got me 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Accurate as F**k

very nice
plz upvote for me @towfiqhasan for upvote

Reason #9 that Steemit will succeed – The Dark Humor, the Biting Satire, the Sparkling Wit, and Overall Brilliance of posts such as this one.

Hahah... oh man. This is the standup comedy Steemit deserves. Well done, sir.

thank you luke, glad you enjoyed it :)

Hahah... oh man. This is the stand-up comedy Steemit deserves, @jerrybanfield. Well done, sir.

I think Luke meant to say :)

If there were a coin for rolling navel lint into a boss's coffee, you'd all be kissing my whale ass right now.

haha I'm sure you've been mining that for a while :)

Ah finally, take my $0.02 vote.

the war will be strong but steem win, sure ....

"It's Graphene infrastructure allows for very high transactions per second with absolutely no fee for the user."

According to the bluepaper is was replaced with "ChainBase"? or am I misunderstanding?

ChainBase is the database portion of the blockchain stack and replaced Graphene in 2016.ChainBase has faster load and exit times, supports parallel access to the database and is more robust against crashes than its predecessor. It also has less frequent database corruption, allows instant “snapshotting” of entire database state, and can serve more RPC requests from the same memory.

Good question. Now that you asked, I'm wondering myself. Initially it sounds as if ChainBase is limited to the database portion, but the Blue paper makes no other mention of Graphene, so it leaves the door open for doubts. The Steemit FAQ still makes mention of Graphene . . .

That's not the reason for this comment though. I wanted to alert you to the fact that Steemit Devs are asking for our opinions and ideas for the 2018 road map.

I came across a suggestion for the ability to categorize posts within each of our blogs. While there are many who suggest that there be a tab for the likes of resteems and Zappl, this particular suggestion is the only one I have seen to date that talks about a more comprehensive organizational solution. If you’d like to see something like this, please upvote the suggestion and pass this informational note around.

Just below that same comment I added a couple of ideas that I haven’t yet seen put forth by anyone else. If you like those two ideas, again, please upvote the comment and alert other users you know to do the same.

Thanks a bunch!

I just shit through my dick hole haha

lol well I hope you enjoyed the experience

world getting weird ,or i'm just too normal ?

Obviously I then go from here straight to spankwire l!

sure, and you have sweetsssj to thank for that

Aw bless the sweetheart! ;O)

My god, the number of comments here is actually making my chromebook rumble and groan!

Uhmmm..... Hello?
Why did I not know you exist??

Utterly fucking ridiculous that I only find you now!
Where have you been ALL my life????????

Because I am in love with the way you write and how fucking dark yet funny your shit is.

haha thank you
I'm not that active on here, was away for about 4 months and only came back recently
i post maybe once a week on this account as I don't think ppl generally have the time to read long form content these days
glad you enjoyed it

Since you've been gone my vote has doubled, 4¢ motherfucker!🎉

I'm not one to really enjoy long form posts, but the end of the first paragraph had me in stitches! Your wording is impeccable and makes me smile (at least) every time I read your posts.
Hope your day is awesome, @trafalgar!

thank you rigaronib
yeah I get what you mean about long form posts, I definitely think short posts are where it's at
I don't even enjoy writing long posts tbh, which is why I only manage one a week or so
but it's worth it when people enjoy it

For sure! I totally agree.
Btw, saw a street sign with your handle on it the other day and forgot to take a pic for you. Next time I pass it, I'll be sure to do so! haha

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