Fifty-Word Fiction Frenzy: A Community Collaboration - Round Three
Write the next paragraph in this story to receive all liquid payout from the post.
If you would like to get involved with this community project, please visit this page for information on how to proceed.
Thank you to everyone that has participated so far. @meesterboom, @fisteganos, @spark, @aunt-deb, @cobceo, @riskdebonair, @catulhu, @richq11, @ericvancewalton, @ezzy, @marifa, @dreemit, @smalltalk, @nikflossus, @writingamigo, @surpassinggoogle and @scaredycatguide. We have seen an inspiring amount of contribution so far.
The community voted that @dreemit's short paragraph be selected for the next part in our story.
Looking back now, there are so many other choices I could have made. But terror paralyzed me for crucial moments of time. It seems ironic that it was the inaction of a coward that put me on this path, when so many things that came after took absolute fearlessness to pull off.
Congratulations to you, @dreemit. Your words will now be featured in Steemit's first community-written short story. The payout was again very low but, I have sent you all the liquid STEEM and SBD I had available. It is not much at all, but certainly more than the post alone would have provided. Thanks for taking part.
Round Three
Who would have thought that earning three million dollars could cost me so much. I had gone from rags to riches in scarcely a year, but I'd have given it all back in a heartbeat if it meant regaining all I had lost. Let me tell you how it began.
His name was Arty, he had slid into the train seat beside me, smiling, gold tooth glinting. "Hey, Danny. You wanna get rich?."
What the hell? How'd this guy know my name? I froze as Arty's smile turned into a cold leer. Something metallic shoved into my side. "Because you see Danny... I ain't askin'."
Looking back now, there are so many other choices I could have made. But terror paralyzed me for crucial moments of time. It seems ironic that it was the inaction of a coward that put me on this path, when so many things that came after took absolute fearlessness to pull off.
.... [SUBMIT YOUR ENTRIES FOR THIS PARAGRAPH IN THE COMMENTS]
Whilst I had initially intended to write the next paragraph after every round, I realised that I would have then wrote half of the story without the community's approval. I have decided that instead, I will, just like everyone else, make up to three submissions in the comments and let the community decide on the next part.
If my paragraph is selected, I WILL NOT claim the liquid rewards for the post. They will be reserved and added onto the next winner's bounty.
For organisational purposes, I ask that if you are submitting an entry, reply to the comment which says, "SUBMIT YOUR ENTRIES HERE." This will make it easier for viewers to find and read all of the entries and vote on their favourite(s).
Finally, please be sure to resteem this post to ensure that enough of the community get the opportunity to vote for their favourites, and to increase the chances of producing a payout worthy of drawing in further submissions. Thank you, and good luck!
Let us not jump ahead though, the beginning was far less obvious to the casual observant. Normal life, right wife we were even planing to save up and have a child one day. Stella was a knockout back then, glistening green eyes and soft auburn hair that floated upon her shoulders when she walked. She was 27 when we first met.
I voted against myself here, but I thought you gave a better example of "Pulling the story back in to context". Nice Job!
You seem to have an understanding of this, so can you explain it to me? I'm hesitant to move forward with this because I don't see it as pulling the story back in context, but as removing it from context in a way that makes the story no longer make sense,
I think your dealing with a limited understanding of the language, and I think @countzero sees it as well. If I understand correctly, he ... (let me go look at it again to be sure). Ok, I think I have a handle on this, [I did a similar thing, but I kept it in reference to the character knowing or understanding "Arty"] He just broke it in two two story lines. (Quite a literary device, and complex, but probably not good for what you are going for here) I don't mean to say you @son-of-satire don't understand the language. I think @countzero does not have a developed understanding or process of communication. I read back through some of the comments, I think he is "Taking a Knee" or gracefully bowing out to let your story line continue. I would comment, that the chessboard reference refers to some of the men he speaks with, I believe I saw it in one of his posts. Most likely someone in his neighborhood or village. My Guess. Hope this helped & did not confuse the matter more. ~Peace!
You are ok to say this. I am ok with this to.
I have just got online and found that your entry has received the most votes. However, I worry that it has some problems with continuity.
In the story it says, "let me tell you how it began."
Then it moves onto say that it began on a train with Arty pulling a knife.
This paragraph then speaks of returning to a second beginning, which I worry doesn't make any sense.
Am I missing something here? I am not sure how to proceed with this unresolved.
We have watched the Matrix here. I wrote from what the old man at the chess table told me about his wife. The question is what began on the train? Before he got 3 million? (I am writing for @countzero he is only understanding what your required input was - he says that people should think more about two story lines) Yes.
This still makes no sense to me. What old man and what chess table?
The story has said, lets go back to the beginning already. I don't think we can do that twice in the space of a couple of paragraphs.
It's all good if you have a really complex idea in your head. That's great. But, by including this paragraph, I will be pretty much ensuring that no one else can participate in the project because only you will know how to make sense of your words and how to proceed moving forward.
I myself would certainly have to sit the rest out, because I no longer have any idea of what the context is.
I chose first person because it's easiest and I want everyone to be able to get involved. This will mean that very few can get involved, and that very few readers will be able to follow the direction of the story.
Would you care to make another entry, or amend the current one so that it is easier to follow?
You can leave me out. It is ok. I did not try to make trouble for you. I like your project. Please choose another person. I will not be offended.
Thank you. This is very humble of you.
The payout amounted to very little, but I sent you 25 STEEM for your participation and hopefully you will continue to take part in future rounds.
Thanks again-
@son-of-satire I have to agree with you..I didn't see how long you gave between entries, is the voting closed? If not, I'll see what I can do to get a few more people to take a look.
@countzero that's not to say you're paragraph isn't very good, I just think it takes us backward. Perhaps you can try again? Or maybe choose the paragraph you like the most and give your votes to them this round and write one for the next round?
PLEASE RESPOND TO THIS COMMENT WITH YOUR ENTRIES.
We are aiming for 50-100 words but, if you are slightly over or under, the community will decide whether or not to upvote your submission based on the quality of the content.
After making a submission, please also vote for your favourite(s) and resteem so that others can do the same. We need to have a clear winner in order to progress to the next round. GOOD LUCK!
It's hard to reminisce about your shortcomings with the barrel of a pistol rammed between your ribs, and I found my attention returned to the piercing stare that Arty was casting upon me. a painful jab from the barrel helped me in my refocusing effort.
"You're gonna do me a favor, Danny." He drawled with no hint of polite solicitation in his glacial tone.
He held my gaze as he reached inside his jacket and withdrew a manila envelope.
Frozen with fear, I showed no resistance as he ushered me off the train at the next stop. Four of his accomplices were waiting for us on the platform, though at the time I only noticed one. A vivacious brunette with piercing green eyes and hair down to her hips stood three feet ahead of me. A curious grin covered her face, as if she was happy to see my arrival.
Nice :)
The doors of the train closed, and we departed from the platform. I sat there, unable to think, with tunnel vision... shaking.
"Danny boy" Arty pressed the cold metallic object harder into my side, before removing it.
I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Listen carefully..." he said looking me in the eye, his gold tooth glinting against the lights of the platform, like the beacon of a lighthouse; a warning.
As I sat there frozen in fear, he told me everything....
Throughout college till my debut on Wall Street, I was a beast. Nothing could stand in my way.
It was no coincidence that my rise up the corporate ladder was pretty swift. I knew those who wished I mysteriously slumped on my way to the top floor every morning. I knew them all; I thought I did.
That moment on the train with Arty made me realize there were some things I had no knowledge of; Like the fact that the metal I was terrified of was only a case housing the invitation a 'secret admirer' had sent.
haha, nice twist! :)
Lol. Upvote already 😂😂😂
“Here, put this on.” Arty pulled an old trench coat and baseball cap out of his bag.
“Walk with me, pal,” he sneered. “If you make a break for it I’m gunning you down.”
I didn’t need convincing; his narrow-eyed stare terrified me. I stood up and obeyed, even though my panicked mind was running through a list of alternatives – scream for help, or try to grab the gun, if it really was a gun he held in his pocket.
I'm resteeming this. I'm waiting until the next round to enter again, I like the idea of it taking different directions with a fresh voice every other paragraph :)
I would have gladly done this for free, it's a fantastic idea. You certainly didn't have to go above and beyond, but thank you!
I really like this idea. I will work on this today.
Great. I look forward to reading your submission.
I posted. It took to long. I may be late for this contest.
Fear! It is fear that has paralyzed my ability to think in the moment. He did me a disservice. A series of mishaps and problems have dogged me for the last few years. It seemed to me that there is no possibility to get out of this hell, but then there was this encounter with Artie. The meeting, which was able to change my entire life. But if it wasn't random?....
@madlenfox - copy your paragraph into a reply to satire's post titled "Please Respond To This Comment With Your Entries." :)
As I looked at him I began to wonder, bewilderment was replacing fear. I could tell by looking at him, he was just a leg man. But, who did he work for? That was the question, and what did he want. it was obvious that he had most likely never even seen $3 million much less have it to pay me. I decided to play along and see what would happen.
Then I recalled, the tooth – that summer 17 years ago. We were young then, imaginative conspirators dashing out code and taking long swims across the lake at his parents summer home. We were set to Run The World. If only we knew what we had written.
I believe your work here is quite interesting. I have gone to the writing section on steemit to encourage other authors to contribute.
Well done to @dreemit! An awesome talent on Steemit and one to watch in the future. Fantastic stuff and very pleased for the recognition she is receiving! :)
I just saw this, thanks @ezzy! I hope you jump in on this, I would LOVE being a part of a story with you :)