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RE: Fifty-Word Fiction Frenzy: A Community Collaboration - Round Three
Let us not jump ahead though, the beginning was far less obvious to the casual observant. Normal life, right wife we were even planing to save up and have a child one day. Stella was a knockout back then, glistening green eyes and soft auburn hair that floated upon her shoulders when she walked. She was 27 when we first met.
I voted against myself here, but I thought you gave a better example of "Pulling the story back in to context". Nice Job!
You seem to have an understanding of this, so can you explain it to me? I'm hesitant to move forward with this because I don't see it as pulling the story back in context, but as removing it from context in a way that makes the story no longer make sense,
I think your dealing with a limited understanding of the language, and I think @countzero sees it as well. If I understand correctly, he ... (let me go look at it again to be sure). Ok, I think I have a handle on this, [I did a similar thing, but I kept it in reference to the character knowing or understanding "Arty"] He just broke it in two two story lines. (Quite a literary device, and complex, but probably not good for what you are going for here) I don't mean to say you @son-of-satire don't understand the language. I think @countzero does not have a developed understanding or process of communication. I read back through some of the comments, I think he is "Taking a Knee" or gracefully bowing out to let your story line continue. I would comment, that the chessboard reference refers to some of the men he speaks with, I believe I saw it in one of his posts. Most likely someone in his neighborhood or village. My Guess. Hope this helped & did not confuse the matter more. ~Peace!
You are ok to say this. I am ok with this to.
I have just got online and found that your entry has received the most votes. However, I worry that it has some problems with continuity.
In the story it says, "let me tell you how it began."
Then it moves onto say that it began on a train with Arty pulling a knife.
This paragraph then speaks of returning to a second beginning, which I worry doesn't make any sense.
Am I missing something here? I am not sure how to proceed with this unresolved.
We have watched the Matrix here. I wrote from what the old man at the chess table told me about his wife. The question is what began on the train? Before he got 3 million? (I am writing for @countzero he is only understanding what your required input was - he says that people should think more about two story lines) Yes.
This still makes no sense to me. What old man and what chess table?
The story has said, lets go back to the beginning already. I don't think we can do that twice in the space of a couple of paragraphs.
It's all good if you have a really complex idea in your head. That's great. But, by including this paragraph, I will be pretty much ensuring that no one else can participate in the project because only you will know how to make sense of your words and how to proceed moving forward.
I myself would certainly have to sit the rest out, because I no longer have any idea of what the context is.
I chose first person because it's easiest and I want everyone to be able to get involved. This will mean that very few can get involved, and that very few readers will be able to follow the direction of the story.
Would you care to make another entry, or amend the current one so that it is easier to follow?
You can leave me out. It is ok. I did not try to make trouble for you. I like your project. Please choose another person. I will not be offended.
Thank you. This is very humble of you.
The payout amounted to very little, but I sent you 25 STEEM for your participation and hopefully you will continue to take part in future rounds.
Thanks again-
@son-of-satire I have to agree with you..I didn't see how long you gave between entries, is the voting closed? If not, I'll see what I can do to get a few more people to take a look.
@countzero that's not to say you're paragraph isn't very good, I just think it takes us backward. Perhaps you can try again? Or maybe choose the paragraph you like the most and give your votes to them this round and write one for the next round?