How To Earn $100,000 Per Month On Steemit As A High-Profile Crypto Technical Analyst (a.k.a. Bullshit Artist, a.k.a. Reward Pool Rapist)...

in steemit •  7 months ago

Ever wish you could earn upwards of six figures per month on Steemit with little more effort than it takes to stroll to the bathroom and take a dump...?

Good news. You CAN.

All it requires: a dozen posts a day of a chart with some squiggles on it and a few short sentences of commentary to bullshit your way through justifying your "technical analyses" as a legit contribution to the Steemit community.

But if that sounds complicated, don't worry. We're about to go through a step-by-step for-dummies guide of how you, too, can rape the rewards pool for as much as you can get in exchange for little more than inflating amateur's hopes of overnight riches.

Ready? Here we go...



First, we must clarify a fundamental truth upon which your riches will be built:

A large majority of people in the crypto space are incredibly greedy. Preying upon their greed is your golden ticket to millions.

There are plenty of people who don't want to work hard for their own success. They don't want to put in the time and effort to do their own research, or exercise the skill & discipline to inform their own decisions. They want a quick-fix magic pill and confirmation that all their most delusional hopes of winning the crypto lottery are well-within their reach.

Their stupidity is your opportunity.

Can you actually give them the success they want? Of course not. No one can.

But... you can push all the right psychological buttons to make them believe they have a chance. You can bullshit your way through painting them a picture of rosey scenarios in which all their wildest dreams come true.

Sounds easy? It is.

The first element required: a sensationalistic headline hinting at how rich they'll become by following your "expertise."

Perhaps you may want to study some copywriting gurus and/or NLP to dial this point down, as your post title is nothing more than sheer clickbait.

Craft your headline well to fuel readers' hopes of best-case scenarios and delegating their brainpower to your Godly counsel, and you'll have successfully manipulated their minds into continually supporting your enrichment before even opening your posts.

No sweat required. Just tried-and-true psychological warfare tactics.



Secondly, let's keep a foundational reality in perspective:

No one knows for absolute certain what the crypto (or any) markets are going to do.

They might go up. They might go down.

But, this kind of honesty will not make you rich off the ignorance of the uneducated. And, such fools don't really want to hear that the markets will go down.

Now, since you can't outright lie if you're to stay in this game long-term without getting called out for the bullshitter you are, you can't claim that markets are going to go up.

But, you can craft clever, convincing storylines as to why they might.

Yes, there may be a 50/50 chance that the markets will move either way. Balanced, realistic outlook. But, to openly, objectively admit such would bring your own demise.

If you want to make the big bucks, you're going to have to put forth your best effort to manipulate people's hopes that they can live outside the realities of market uncertainty - by providing them a false sense of invincibility in the confidence that can only come from observing an "expert" continually reference professional-sounding theories: you.

Do you need to be right about your projections?

God no.

Fools who'll keep you fed with champagne and caviar don't look far enough out to care about accuracy. Or logic. They only want their next quick-fix of that addictive hope they get upon looking over your posts.

And here is how to craft a winning one...



Step One: select a crypto pair and take a snapshot of its chart.

Step Two: use it as a canvas for your interpretational art.

With this step, you'll need a toolbox of patterns to reference.

Traditionally, Elliot Wave Theory has been a favorite of technical analysists for its infallible flexibility. Count a series of waves... and if your count doesn't end up matching the reality of what happens, you can always adjust it afterward. Ass covered.

However, there are all kinds of other patterns which you may bring into your work. And, there's nothing stopping you from creating your own patterns to find in charts which justify a bullish outlook - providing authoritative reason why the profits your disciples seek should be just around the corner.

For example...

The Stairway To Heaven.

This classic dates back to days of Led Zeppelin - a steadily inclining path towards the prize. *Alternately referred to as "Stairway To The MOON" in the crypto space, given cryptoheads seem oddly more fascinated with the moon than heaven...


stairway.png

The solo titty.

Of course, breasts come in sets of two. Thus, you can be pretty close to certain that should you come across a chart like this, resembling a solo titty, another must be on its way soon. (Exception: breast cancer.)


nips.png

The notorious morning-after-the-cocaine-binge pattern.

You know the deal... soaring high on everyone's favorite Columbian export throughout the night, crash hard when the bag empties and the dealer's phone is off... waiting for that key trigger signal of excitement once morning comes around and he's back in business, knowing there'll be another soaring peak as soon as he arrives with the next eight-ball...


coca.png

The ultra-rare unicorn pattern.

This one is a sure sign a token is well on its way to a billion-dollar market cap...



The Crazy Bitch Smackdown Rebound.

Named appropriately after the traditional dilemma of smacking down a hoe who's gotten too far out of line... she's brought to the floor, and you're unsure whether out cold or gonna be back up for another round...


bitch.png

The "What Goes Up, Must Come Down" Pattern.

We've all heard the saying. So why not utilize it when we can't think of any other better way to bullshit through a projection.

Why must there be a come down...? Why not. Who cares. We're not dealing with rationality or logic here.

Sometimes it may be obvious that an asset is not going to climb to new heights anytime soon. But it's tough to rationalize earning hundreds of dollars worth of rewards stating such a stupidly obvious fact, so here is where you can pull out a pattern like this - making it sound as though you have some superhuman insight into the nature of markets, giving the people some sort of hope that all is well by reassuring them that the markets are doing what they do - because the fools were probably too deluded with grandoise visions of Lambos to figure that out for themselves.


updown.png

The ready-to-bust pattern.

Little explanation needed here... when this one makes its appearance, all ya need is a little stroking, and it's heavenly explosions of crypto glory...


bust.jpg
~ source

The impatient & painful time-to-moon pattern.

Although feeding upon the greed of amateurs may typically be enough, also factoring in the fear and pain of traders who've bought at peaks can be a goldmine from which you may extract your completely inproportionate share of the Steem rewards pool in compensation for a well-played storyline to ease their worries and revive hope in a comeback.

At these points, traders may be so clouded with emotion, that they'll accept pretty much anything you tell them with some degree of authority. That a market like this is clearly in a downtrend is irrelevant. You're not preying upon people who want truth. You're giving fools what they want: a reasonable-sounding rationalization that what goes down, must come up - catering to their desires for an escape from the reality that they may have just made some bad decisions, absolving them from the responsibility of facing their emotions with the promise of a very close moonshot that'll restore the illusionary euphoria they're used to seeking from you.


impatient.png

Now that you've got visuals, it's time to add some commentary...

This step is KEY, because simply plastering your art project on a post probably wouldn't justify earning six-figures a month, in many Steemians' eyes.

So, here comes the text.

Granted, the truth of the matter may be as simple as, "the market might go up, or it might go down." Yet, that does little to stimulate the anticipation of those whose looking to you as a prophetic God shall keep your wallet fat, so you'll need to exercise a bit of creativity here to make it sound like there is some higher degree of informed intellect at work, for which you are the channel - even if it's just B.S.

One or two short paragraphs should do the trick. After all, morons tend to have short attention spans - and may be enticed enough with the sensationalistic headline and pretty pictures to actually expend effort reading the text.

And to put on the final touches...

Throw in a disclaimer.

You know... the usual, "I am not a financial advisor, invest at your own discretion, blah blah blah."

This is important, as should anyone ever come back and try pin responsibility on you for their idiocy in following what you shared, you warned them.

And, because it provides some balance of truth to whatever other bullshit you might spew out.

After all, you aren't a financial advisor. Everyone is responsible for their own investment decisions. (And, they probably are idiots if they've taken what you've shared seriously. And God bless 'em, for there's no way you could continue this sham for so long were they intelligent enough to truly think for themselves).



And now, for a disclaimer:

If you haven't figured it out already, this entire post is satire.

(Perhaps sad to have to say... but there are a number of users here who don't understand English well, may not know the situation in question this is actually referring to - and this is a departure from my usual type of content. Thus, I throw it in here just to be safe).

As for the serious commentary on the matter - it's something I've steered clear of getting involved with, however shall shortly be posting a Part TWO with some perspective.

In the meantime, it's my hope you've laughed your ass off reading this - and I leave you with the following, should you feel so inclined to check it out:

"Why Technical Analysis is 100% Bullshit"

(Not to imply that is TRUTH - merely a perspective to consider.)

And when you’re ready, here’s PART TWO...

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The Neuro-Linguistic Programming aspect... You definitely aren't holding back on this one. Everyone wants to willingly grab the hand of anyone "claiming to be a professional" in such a volatile and uncertain market as crypto. If people want to get baited for not thinking for themselves, then education needs to step in. The plus side, even drawing magic meme lines (as people like to call it on imageboards), you can be right 50% of the time.

I really enjoyed this satirical post, because there is a lot of real info on manipulation in here! I nearly spit out my water at "The Solo Titty" and "The Crazy Bitch Smackdown Rebound."

This is definitely the revamp of being a Miss Cleo, or anyone claiming to bring you to riches if you buy their audio book!

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Lol. 😊💓

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I created one yesterday. My first official TA. Hey! I'm thinking of applying for a patent for the "Siamese Head and a Cocky Shoulder." Here's it:

IMG_20180321_102339.jpg

To the Moon we come, baby. That's on a 4H parabola.

Funniest stuff I've read all week.

The thing about the Ready to Burst pattern... When it does pop, the ejected spermacoins don't know if they're swimming towards an egg, or up the large intestine. Odds are good they'll end up in a world of shit.

Here's an idea: anyone claiming or educating should have more skin-in-the-game. show hands, show trades.

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that might require a longer attention span to pay attention to than I'd imagine most of his hardcore fans/supporters would have.

after all, this popularity seems to be driven more by the desire for linguistically-manipulative optimism-fuel and delegation of responsibility than actual diligent education of what all it takes to consistently develop and execute successful trading strategies.

I guess this all goes to reveal that as much as there may be good intentions behind the idea of reputation score/system, a high score isn't always an excellent indicator of what substance to expect...

Ok, now you just HAVE to put this charts on a regular basis. I swear to Goku I will upvote them all, open you a fan club, administrate your sect... discord channel, I mean, and open you an Etsy with HD printed merch.

The unicorn, man.. is epic.

Oh, and you just got a rabid fan, by the way.

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the unicorn and the dick, can't take credit for. the rest... well, I might not wanna confess that was me, should anyone use it as incriminating evidence of psychological disturbance. lol.

hmmm... this could be the beginning of something... :-)

The ascending penis pattern gets the most upvotes? (Taking notes while laughing)

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What can ya say. Humans - men and women alike - just seem to have some odd fascination with cock. Lol.

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love taking notes. love the unicorn and the single nipple

LOL! 😀 I can't believe you actually made me laugh at silly chart patterns, but well done!

Yes, one of the things I've newly come to see as a drawback on this platform is how people like Mr. H can truly exploit a system like this. For the most part I consider Steemit to be a culture of generosity and kindness, where people fret not being able to give as many upvotes as they would wish due to diminished upvote power (from upvoting people too much!). But then there are always those exploiters who can't help being, well, exploitative and even anti-social.

Hillaroius :) Pants shat here followed by delusion haha

You made me laugh. Just don't expect a vote from a certain TA (total asshat?). He's busy voting for himself

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I’d be expecting a downvote, if any.

Though, so as to not stir the pot too violently, left his name out. Enough attention there already. And, as gone into in part two, I still do have a level of respect for him - even if in disagreement with the delivery and rewards...

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I think he could do more to help others. He's making very good money, but is stingy with his votes. That won't make him friends

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Many have called out the disparity between his “I’m not doing this for the money” claims and contrary actions.

But then again, who needs friends when you have brainless followers... 🤔

LMAO!!! hahahahaha.... I was thinking oh man, this is just the exact thing some T.A guys are doing now LOL....
I mean, T.A CAN NOT predict anything, it is a bit helpful to understand markets and take some buying points etc, but most of it is complete speculation and in my experience so far you really cant use it to predict any price at all... This is not financial advice LOL, non of them really can take responsibility for their analysis...

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TA can’t predict anything...?

Dude, c’mon.

You can predict PERFECTLY. For example: price might go up to this, this, this, this, or this level. Or, it might go down to this, this, this, or this level. It’s like science, bro.

You just don’t know how to read the patterns well enough, man. Let me post a dozen examples a day, and after my wallet is overflowing with millions of Steem a Dollars, maybe then you’ll see the light... 😂😉

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LMAO... yeah, its like TA can predict with 100% certainty that price will move either up or down, thats for sure! LOL... This is just gambling, thats all...

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In all fairness, technical analysis does have its time and place.

I studied forex for two years a decade ago, and developed a great appreciation for the hybrid science-art. Especially when bringing in Elliot Waves and Fibonacci combined together - there is definitely some magic at work in the dynamics of market movements, and immense profits are possible if truly mastering the use of these tool. (I studied under a mentor whose success with them was mindblowing. Although I could understand and follow along well, I myself didn’t have the same psychological temperament and skill to run with his same strategy - though maintain the utmost respect for it).

Thing is, they’re tools in a toolbox - to be utilized in broader, comprehensive strategies. It takes a number of tools/indicators used together in a larger context, where they can fill in different parts to paint a more complete picture - and even then, there are still the elements of risk management and money management.

TAs like the dude in question don’t teach that larger picture.

And, they’re using manipulative psychological tactics to reel people in and inflate hope.

So, the entire realm of technical analysis is not at all bullshit - but they reasonably may lead others to believe so, because they’re misrepresenting its use.

IF one were to fully immerse themselves in the craft of professional trading, its not gambling - as it becomes a matter of risk management, money management, and mathematical probabilities within tested systems and strategies.

But, the degree of diligence, skill, brains, time, and energy required in playing at that level is well beyond the capability of the average joe who just wants to delegate responsibility to some “expert” and earn quick riches.

Shit. Seems like this may need to become a new post of its own.

Thanks for the stimulation. 😊🙏

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Haha i know what you mean... As a scientist my self i have been studying fibonacci and elliot waves and trying to figure out how this can be an accurate science, and the true is that it isnt... There are psychological factors that drives the markets and some technical analysis can explain the behavior of certain markets but most of the time it works only to understand what happened and not what will happen...
I think most of the time trading is based on pure intuition, although TA can help to take decisions, every move you make can (and will) lead you into loose money most of the time... Physiological factors end up being much more important...

Hahahahaha Still can't stop laughing my ass off! This was fucking hilarious Rok... Thanks for absolutely making my day. Damn! I freaking needed this... Lmao!😂😂😂😂😂

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Your welcome. T’was quite the pleasure. ☺️

I can't wait until a certain poster gets flagged into oblivion. Currently I have them on mute but it's obviously obnoxious.

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He doesn't care what we think as he can self vote himself plenty. People are scared to flag him unfortunately

Excuse me... I can't stop laughing at the title... I'll continue to read it latter...
LoL...

Yoooo this is classic!! Funny as hell 😂🤣

@rok-sivante.. Ya killing me! ZoSo-crypto link! quite cryptic indeed.
Unfortunately for many, you are right on. Looking forward to part duex.

Lmfao this is too funny one of the best posts of the day sad part is that its so true .

The ready to bust pattern is my absolute favorite.

Also, you've convinced me by following your step by step approach I will be filthy rich. Thank you for your squiggly chart analysis.

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There just might be no easier road to riches than bullshitting your way there... 😈

That D*CK over there says it all! Please take off the balls. 😂

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I suppose that’d translate to the “ready to shoot blanks” variation... lol :-D

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Bloody useless! Hahaha..

I know the people you're referring to. All bullshit and half assed claims. I've read through their posts to simply understand what is it they write that earns them $100 a post ten or dozen times a day. And it's all nonsense. Anyone who's seen the markets enough can tell it's impossible to predict it (with some exceptions, such as events happening in the external world).

People like those make money while everyone holds out for scraps.

That dick pattern analysis and the titty though lol

Even the title alone draws attention. This is an example of posts whales publishes daily and might have over 10 post in a day to reap from the reward pool. Whenever am reading such, I always have it at the back of my mind that i will see disclaimer at the buttom. @rok-sivante you just nailed it

Wow....you have to be an asshole to win.

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Nah. T’is a belief many in the competitive paradigm have played by, and some might provide evidence that’s the case - but it’d always be looking at short-term selfish gains versus long-term, mutual success... 💖

Hahaha 😂

Heights of sarcasm in this post.

But even if a person is able to fool others , a six figure payment is still not possible 😛😂

I wonder if anyone ever had earned that high on steemit 😮
5A419ABE-E84F-438E-835A-F2EAB779BB16.png

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That part is not a joke.

Indeed, the person in question was raking in six figures a month worth of rewards when SBD was around its peak.

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I would be a liar to say that I don't understand this. As I don't have that much Steempower to effect a change, I prefer to stay out of these things. However, I totally agree with your analysis.

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Oh my god 😮😱

Wao. @rok-sivante, following all the rules above, I don't think it's certain for everybody to make that hug digit in a month or so.

I wonder and I doubt it if the 6digits payment is possible 😂 well I don't think limit but the 6digits stuff is a limit for almost everything for now. Good satire.

@dhavey

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it's been done. as gone into more in Part TWO, the figures and scenario from which this satire were derived *are real...

Anyone who read this and did not know it was a satire, a good one at that, should be hit with... sorry should always follow the $100k "analyst" till his bag of sh*tcoins is overflowing :)
I am laughing so hard at all the chart patterns, I don't know why I NEVER really believe in TA.. I just call all TA educated guess. Yeah it's "educated" but still a guess.

Thanks for spotting the BS and calling it out in a humorous satirical format.

The level of sarcasm and satire in this post is just so extra-ordinary . Nobody else can put it better than you have :) Must admit i love the unicorn drawing.

That was funny rok. I saw part 2 first, then came here, you got a good sense of humour man, ahah.

Solo titty and the carzy bitch smack down rebound, these had me chuckling, funny :D

There are going to be some people that don't get the sarcasm here and will probably take it as advice, keep an eye out for the solo titty predictions on steemit now haha.

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keep an eye out for the solo titty predictions on steemit now haha.

That would totally make my day. :-)

OMG I have died laughing!!! I would say you owe me a beer since I'm cleaning it off my screen but it was darn worth it!!! hahhahahahaha

I mean I knew you were a good writer, but darnit.. this is gold... hahahahahaha

Haha, nice patterns! The ready-to-bust pattern actually looks like an ascending triangle that is considered majorly bullish, unfortunately the case is - the more people watch them, the higher the chance for a fake move. And in the recent years in forex, this pattern has a habit of breaking out and fizzling out immediately, taking all the poor people, who dont understand that tech analysis is a tool that helps you define entries and exits and limit risk, with it.

I am interesting to earn so thanks for his knowledge

Well @rok-sivante, I definitely laughed my ass off reading this! I actually do a lot of TA myself, and it has never actually helped me - I do it purely for educational purposes and have never posted my thoughts on the price action of a cryptocurrency. Great post!

Indeed bro, many People do some dirty work anything in this world, but for me personally make My community better rules to work in platform it more than happiness, The strongest steemian would like built in community, So I do not care about shit that crypto analisis or anything make My community down. But your anilisys very inspiring me to do more hard work on the platform, Thanks for sharing :)

Wow, mehn, i loved this @rok-sivante, never knew you were this savage and funny.

Major rep to you a lot for this subtle shots fired.

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Huh, I never really thought of it as “subtle.” Lol. :-)

ok, that was seriously funny! You got me, I was ready to scoff at this post...then you made me laugh. LOL! Good one ;-)

I was waiting for THIS from YOU!!!!

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A public statement of my “opinion” on the war...?

Well, like they say, “opinions are like assholes - everyone has one.” Can’t say I’m necessarily right about this, but sometimes assholes can be a great source of bathroom humour... lol. :-D

made my day xD

Brilliant, just Brilliant!

Lol... Heard so much about you... Now I have seen with my eyes... Your really funny... I just love your post... So awesome... And from today I will keep on following you to grab more updates from you..... That's so much sweet.... . Make more post... I want to read.....

This is the best post about that profile that I read in the last months, I can't stop laughing :D I have to say that even if it's really funny, there are many sad truths in this post ;)

Probably one of the more insightful I've seen lol. They all make me scratch my head. Your art is commendable.

haha Thats a funny one ! But also sadly that there are for real a lot of bullshiters that the people somehow trust and listen...

Great ur work , thanks u sharing amazing information and analysis crypto market so good luck my dear friend @rok-sivante 😃
2575360C-EE9C-4911-97AA-3F463FD3222F.jpeg
All the best for you 😊

Okay.... those charts are awesome plus creativity to manipulate their own mind to believe its okay... i got this... it will... yes it will... yup i'm sure of...haha

I must start looking for more Unicorns in my Charts!!!

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Some say unicorns fart rainbows... in crypto, they shit MASSIVE PROFITS! Lol. 🤡

I enjoy your satirical stuff. However, I have checked some crypto analysis here and I was left wondering if the posters were not out to make things worse for their readers.

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Probably not intentionally, though creating dependence upon over-hyped optimistic projections with little merit to them in reality does not exactly make things better for them...

This is the bestest post I've read in a long time. Love it.

Can you make this a regular feature? It was genius

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Lol. This was probably just a one-off, though could surely do some more along similar lines down the road... :-)

oh rok! i honestly don't know why you're not posting more funny stuff, your repertoire of genre from tech, to science, to politics, world view, to the satirically absurd never ceases to entertain and capture my attention!

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:-D

Been feeling pretty burned out with Steemit lately, probably even gonna opt out from writing soon and focus more on music/dSound... though perhaps more satire could be a great way to keep things fresh and fun once and a while, as does seem to have been well-received, and thoroughly satisfying... 💖

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deal Rok! it's way more than satisfying.....it's fun! you've got a great sense of humor, don't even know why we didn't see this from you for so long, you holding back on us huh....lol!

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Apparently so... ☺️

but he's helping people :D naaah I had enough fun when I saw the huge achievement post from one of his zealots ;) it's interesting they are people too, but they have no idea what they are doing...

It may not be your usual if you say so, but your wit is a dead giveaway to your ability to discern and make accessible through ernesty. Which is all I am looking for at the moment in my tribe.

Loved how my text-to-speech software included the "nips.png" sidenote on readthrough - glad I didn't drink milk at the time. I shall use that to my own advantage from now on.

needless to say I followed ;)

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Haha! :-)