Ever wish you could earn upwards of six figures per month on Steemit with little more effort than it takes to stroll to the bathroom and take a dump...?
Good news. You CAN.
All it requires: a dozen posts a day of a chart with some squiggles on it and a few short sentences of commentary to bullshit your way through justifying your "technical analyses" as a legit contribution to the Steemit community.
But if that sounds complicated, don't worry. We're about to go through a step-by-step for-dummies guide of how you, too, can rape the rewards pool for as much as you can get in exchange for little more than inflating amateur's hopes of overnight riches.
Ready? Here we go...
First, we must clarify a fundamental truth upon which your riches will be built:
A large majority of people in the crypto space are incredibly greedy. Preying upon their greed is your golden ticket to millions.
There are plenty of people who don't want to work hard for their own success. They don't want to put in the time and effort to do their own research, or exercise the skill & discipline to inform their own decisions. They want a quick-fix magic pill and confirmation that all their most delusional hopes of winning the crypto lottery are well-within their reach.
Their stupidity is your opportunity.
Can you actually give them the success they want? Of course not. No one can.
But... you can push all the right psychological buttons to make them believe they have a chance. You can bullshit your way through painting them a picture of rosey scenarios in which all their wildest dreams come true.
Sounds easy? It is.
The first element required: a sensationalistic headline hinting at how rich they'll become by following your "expertise."
Perhaps you may want to study some copywriting gurus and/or NLP to dial this point down, as your post title is nothing more than sheer clickbait.
Craft your headline well to fuel readers' hopes of best-case scenarios and delegating their brainpower to your Godly counsel, and you'll have successfully manipulated their minds into continually supporting your enrichment before even opening your posts.
No sweat required. Just tried-and-true psychological warfare tactics.
Secondly, let's keep a foundational reality in perspective:
No one knows for absolute certain what the crypto (or any) markets are going to do.
They might go up. They might go down.
But, this kind of honesty will not make you rich off the ignorance of the uneducated. And, such fools don't really want to hear that the markets will go down.
Now, since you can't outright lie if you're to stay in this game long-term without getting called out for the bullshitter you are, you can't claim that markets are going to go up.
But, you can craft clever, convincing storylines as to why they might.
Yes, there may be a 50/50 chance that the markets will move either way. Balanced, realistic outlook. But, to openly, objectively admit such would bring your own demise.
If you want to make the big bucks, you're going to have to put forth your best effort to manipulate people's hopes that they can live outside the realities of market uncertainty - by providing them a false sense of invincibility in the confidence that can only come from observing an "expert" continually reference professional-sounding theories: you.
Do you need to be right about your projections?
Fools who'll keep you fed with champagne and caviar don't look far enough out to care about accuracy. Or logic. They only want their next quick-fix of that addictive hope they get upon looking over your posts.
And here is how to craft a winning one...
Step One: select a crypto pair and take a snapshot of its chart.
Step Two: use it as a canvas for your interpretational art.
With this step, you'll need a toolbox of patterns to reference.
Traditionally, Elliot Wave Theory has been a favorite of technical analysists for its infallible flexibility. Count a series of waves... and if your count doesn't end up matching the reality of what happens, you can always adjust it afterward. Ass covered.
However, there are all kinds of other patterns which you may bring into your work. And, there's nothing stopping you from creating your own patterns to find in charts which justify a bullish outlook - providing authoritative reason why the profits your disciples seek should be just around the corner.
The Stairway To Heaven.
This classic dates back to days of Led Zeppelin - a steadily inclining path towards the prize. *Alternately referred to as "Stairway To The MOON" in the crypto space, given cryptoheads seem oddly more fascinated with the moon than heaven...
The solo titty.
Of course, breasts come in sets of two. Thus, you can be pretty close to certain that should you come across a chart like this, resembling a solo titty, another must be on its way soon. (Exception: breast cancer.)
The notorious morning-after-the-cocaine-binge pattern.
You know the deal... soaring high on everyone's favorite Columbian export throughout the night, crash hard when the bag empties and the dealer's phone is off... waiting for that key trigger signal of excitement once morning comes around and he's back in business, knowing there'll be another soaring peak as soon as he arrives with the next eight-ball...
The ultra-rare unicorn pattern.
This one is a sure sign a token is well on its way to a billion-dollar market cap...
The Crazy Bitch Smackdown Rebound.
Named appropriately after the traditional dilemma of smacking down a hoe who's gotten too far out of line... she's brought to the floor, and you're unsure whether out cold or gonna be back up for another round...
The "What Goes Up, Must Come Down" Pattern.
We've all heard the saying. So why not utilize it when we can't think of any other better way to bullshit through a projection.
Why must there be a come down...? Why not. Who cares. We're not dealing with rationality or logic here.
Sometimes it may be obvious that an asset is not going to climb to new heights anytime soon. But it's tough to rationalize earning hundreds of dollars worth of rewards stating such a stupidly obvious fact, so here is where you can pull out a pattern like this - making it sound as though you have some superhuman insight into the nature of markets, giving the people some sort of hope that all is well by reassuring them that the markets are doing what they do - because the fools were probably too deluded with grandoise visions of Lambos to figure that out for themselves.
The ready-to-bust pattern.
Little explanation needed here... when this one makes its appearance, all ya need is a little stroking, and it's heavenly explosions of crypto glory...
The impatient & painful time-to-moon pattern.
Although feeding upon the greed of amateurs may typically be enough, also factoring in the fear and pain of traders who've bought at peaks can be a goldmine from which you may extract your completely inproportionate share of the Steem rewards pool in compensation for a well-played storyline to ease their worries and revive hope in a comeback.
At these points, traders may be so clouded with emotion, that they'll accept pretty much anything you tell them with some degree of authority. That a market like this is clearly in a downtrend is irrelevant. You're not preying upon people who want truth. You're giving fools what they want: a reasonable-sounding rationalization that what goes down, must come up - catering to their desires for an escape from the reality that they may have just made some bad decisions, absolving them from the responsibility of facing their emotions with the promise of a very close moonshot that'll restore the illusionary euphoria they're used to seeking from you.
Now that you've got visuals, it's time to add some commentary...
This step is KEY, because simply plastering your art project on a post probably wouldn't justify earning six-figures a month, in many Steemians' eyes.
So, here comes the text.
Granted, the truth of the matter may be as simple as, "the market might go up, or it might go down." Yet, that does little to stimulate the anticipation of those whose looking to you as a prophetic God shall keep your wallet fat, so you'll need to exercise a bit of creativity here to make it sound like there is some higher degree of informed intellect at work, for which you are the channel - even if it's just B.S.
One or two short paragraphs should do the trick. After all, morons tend to have short attention spans - and may be enticed enough with the sensationalistic headline and pretty pictures to actually expend effort reading the text.
And to put on the final touches...
Throw in a disclaimer.
You know... the usual, "I am not a financial advisor, invest at your own discretion, blah blah blah."
This is important, as should anyone ever come back and try pin responsibility on you for their idiocy in following what you shared, you warned them.
And, because it provides some balance of truth to whatever other bullshit you might spew out.
After all, you aren't a financial advisor. Everyone is responsible for their own investment decisions. (And, they probably are idiots if they've taken what you've shared seriously. And God bless 'em, for there's no way you could continue this sham for so long were they intelligent enough to truly think for themselves).
And now, for a disclaimer:
If you haven't figured it out already, this entire post is satire.
(Perhaps sad to have to say... but there are a number of users here who don't understand English well, may not know the situation in question this is actually referring to - and this is a departure from my usual type of content. Thus, I throw it in here just to be safe).
As for the serious commentary on the matter - it's something I've steered clear of getting involved with, however shall shortly be posting a Part TWO with some perspective.
In the meantime, it's my hope you've laughed your ass off reading this - and I leave you with the following, should you feel so inclined to check it out:
(Not to imply that is TRUTH - merely a perspective to consider.)
And when you’re ready, here’s PART TWO...