RE: The Colbert Report is now on Steemit with a -= Steemit Exclusive Report =-
as someone who was raised in a family that has many on going battles with mental illness I feel for you, I feel no matter what happened in the past you must forgive her in your heart... some people don't get to chose to be who they are. Mental illness is hell for everyone involved .
At 36 now I haven't spoken to my father in over 10 years and have barely spent a few days worth of time with him since I was about 12 years old. I had to forgive him and make peace with our past long ago or it would have forever haunted me. Once I did my own battles with my own chemical imbalances (anxiety/depression/diet etc) where so much easier to deal with as they were no longer getting triggered as often by the stress of him being mentioned or father/son stuff on TV etc. Years later now my chemical imbalance has less and less control over my life compared to the wreck I was before I had found the strength to forgive my father... and myself . It was neither of "our faults" and accepting that was a huge part of what allowed myself to start move forward in life.
Thank you for sharing yourself like that and I hope you found some peace through the process, I know it always helps me deal with life.
Love to you
I forgave her years ago, guess I should have mentioned that.....but in the end (her end) it didn't mean jack diddly because I wasn't there for her....I couldn't help her.....she laid there for weeks unable to talk or move anything but her right arm and scribbled "help me help me" over and over whenever someone was around.....How am I supposed to deal with that, to get over that.....or for that matter, why in the hell is it bothering me in the first place.
So far making this video hasn't helped me. I feel worse now than I ever have and am terrified that come tomorrow I will be paralyzed, unable to even get out of bed much less drive this semi truck or spread her in the Atlantic Ocean.
PS - I haven't stopped crying for the last 3 days, ever since I found out I was finally heading to the ocean I have just kept hurting more and more.
I hope your doing alright and found the strength to spread her ashes and say good bye, I understand the guilt of not being there, or being able to help (as you said there was nothing you could do) Emotions can be unexpected... it's bothering you so much because you care, maybe all the emotions you've bottled up over the years are bubbling to the surface... Cry my friend... let them out.
@fonzerrellie: The Colbert Report Episode #2 - "Burial at Sea" is now up!