Compassion & Selflessness Aren't Dead - In fact, They Thrive Right Here on SteemIt

So I've been on SteemIt for about 9-10 days now...and I've gotta say, the community as a whole has, for the most part, completely shocked the hell out of me.

Thanks @thedashguy, stole your pic off google!

I figured I was joining another platform full of judgemental, selfish, angry people looking for any chance possible to beat someone down or hurl an insult at someone that really just needed a word of encouragement.

Now I'm not saying I came here looking for carebear land and total softies, but I was prepared to receive some flack and some bullshit due to me sharing my stories of addiction. Admitting some of the things I've done. The fucked up past I've lived.

I was absolutely fucking wrong to sign up here with that mindset. Dead fucking wrong.

I've received nothing but words of encouragement, offers from people if I ever needed someone to talk to, people willing to help me in various different ways so that I felt more accepted and welcome (and not that I needed them, but I greatly do appreciate them).

So many of you have gone out of your way to spend the time to read my stories. Comment on them with your incredibly kind, compassionate and thoughtful uplifting words, and over the days it's really helped (I've been dealing with a pretty bad depression, my ex, the one from Vancouver, and I had decided to start talking again about 3 weeks back, and after a week or so I cut everything off, knowing that it just wasn't right or meant to be. And it hurt - and I hurt. Silently.)

Day after day I've received nothing but love and compassion from so many of you - complete strangers that I don't even know. I've received more kind words and thoughtfulness from you guys, than I have from the majority of the people in my actual life...

Today, while hanging out in Discord general chat with the #MSP gang, I was completely blown away by a random act of kindness that occurred and was directed my way.

A fellow minnow and member @AncientMystique, completely out of nowhere sends me a little over 6 SBD.

I see this pop up on my notifications, and I'm puzzled. Why the fuck am I receiving money right now?

So I go into general chat, and then I read the following:

Now I'm thinking "Get the fuck out of here - what?!? No way!"

So I respond, still pretty shocked and not sure what to say....

I was just given money towards the Skydiving trip that I've been fundraising for - meant to celebrate my sobriety from heroin for 6 months!

I had raised about $128 + a 15 SBD side donation before this, with about a day left to raise funds. So I was really happy and excited. I still wasn't sure I was going to make it, because there was only about a day left to raise the $
(and my post had stated that if I reached $300 on the post, I would donate a custom built $1000 website to a budding entrepreneur or another Steemit member in need, as MY way of paying it forward).

(In case you'd like to upvote/resteem OR donate towards my very first Skydive, here's the link to that thread:)

https://steemit.com/steemit/@fatpandadesign/help-me-break-a-huge-fear-support-my-first-skydive-and-i-ll-build-a-website-for-an-aspiring-entrepreneur

And then I decide to take it to a private message...

I remember them far too well...and the pain, the sadness, the guilt, the disappointment...all of it....

and apparently, I'm not alone.

I had a little 5 minute private time after that last message - and I let 'em flow. I let all the bullshit i've been holding onto for a little while just find it's way out through tears.

I let out a really heavy sob when I thought about those words - "...and then I listen to my son breathing next to me", because it just reminded me of all of the plans my ex and I had made...including the family we wanted to have, and probably would have had relatively soon...

Which reminded me that I would never have that, with her, or have her, even, because of my fucking junkie mistakes. Because I chose to pickup heroin while her mom was battling fucking cancer.

Instead of being Nickie's rock in her weakest moment, I was the little scared boy, too afraid to face what might happen in the end, so I picked up heroin and a massive fucking habit. And within 2.5 months poof...everything we had worked for, had gone up in smoke (or disappeared up my nose).

---

When I snapped back to reality and stopped crying, I realized something extremely important.

I'm FAR from alone here on SteemIt. In this community with you guys. With everyone.

We all have our stories. We all have our secrets.

But the beautiful part about this place, is?

No one is fucking judging.

Because I'm pretty sure we all realize, we are ALL flawed in our own ways.

I choose to write about mine and make my stories public.

Others choose to keep their "little black monster", as I call my dark side, to themselves.

And that's okay.

Because you know what?

On SteemIt?

No one is going to fucking judge you, put you down, make you feel worthless, or cast you aside.

AND

If anyone DOES make you feel that way, HERE....

Please come talk to me - and I'll make sure that shit DIES right where it started.

Because on SteemIt, we don't need to bring the outside hate IN - we NEED to let the inside love and goodness OUT.

And this was a prime example of that today.

That's all I have for today...thanks for reading this, friends.

And a MASSIVE shout out to @AncientMystique for this incredible display of selflessness - I don't think you understand just HOW MUCH it meant to me. The dollar signs weren't what meant anything to me - the gesture and follow-up conversation are what absolutely just made my day, and probably my entire week, just a little bit brighter.

Thank you for that. It's rare to come across someone of your kind.

ALTHOUGH I DO HAVE TO SHOUTOUT @doitvoluntarily - 4 days ago I ALSO received a 15 SBD donation towards the skydiving trip - and even though I didn't have an emotional moment leading to an entire post/write up, I just want you to know that I absolutely appreciate what YOU did for me too. You showed me earlier that this community loves each other. I just didn't see it yet.

-Panda, aka Fat Panda Design