Optimism at the End of the World #7 : Framing and how it Shapes your Reality
No need to start this series from #1, it's not chronological, I number these posts for reference purposes.
I haven't done an Optimism post for 10 days, so I decided to push myself into the right mindset for it. For those of you who are new to my writing, this blogs main purpose is to maintain a mindset of optimism while it seems like everything is falling down around us. I also hope to introduce some tools which will help you to reprogram yourself into a you of your own creation, rather than being a slave to your experiences.
Today I want to talk about framing. This is a huge topic so there's going to be a lot I leave out in this post but there will be other posts exploring this topic in the future. So what do I mean by framing?
Life is hard.
We've all heard that before, but when you read those words do you agree? Is that the reality you are living in? Or is life a game? You may just think you are making an observation with these words but you are also defining how you interpret your future experiences. Once you make the observation that "life is hard" and let it stick, you see through a lens of "life is hard". This framing isn't set in stone, we may change our framing at any time, but deciding that something is the way that it is it takes a conscious choice and so does changing it. As we don't usually like to admit that we are wrong, changing our framing can take a lot more time and effort than creating it in the first place.
Adopted Framing
Because we are social creatures and we grow up around adults who have formulated ideas and opinions about a wide variety of subjects (including life, love, money, education, science, religion, sexuality, potatoes, airplanes, vaccinations, the sky, cartoons, bubblegum, god, and everything in between) we tend to adopt the framing of others. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but the fact that we hardly realize this framing, or socialization is occurring leaves us very vulnerable. We are encouraged to adopt the framing of our parents and the culture of the country we live in. We spend a lot of our time in schools sucking this stuff up, watching television, sucking this stuff up. Of course we don't HAVE to adopt anything if we don't want, but it's not always easy to reject an idea that is accepted by everyone (or seems to be accepted by everyone) around us. The framing is also backed by some pretty convincing arguments at times, making it very hard to question.
"Nothing in life is free."
I've heard this uttered by numerous steemians already, but is it true? It certainly sounds true in the context of most of our lives but what about in nature? Does a tree force you to pay for the fruit it provides? Does a tiger pay for the zebra? Does anyone pay for the rain? I can already see someone trying to argue that a tree requires you to climb it to pick the fruit and that this makes the fruit somehow not free of charge. All I can do is quietly face palm. This kind of thinking so perfectly proves my point. Does the tree have a concept of payment? If it is not abundantly clear to you that concepts such as of payment, ownership, debt, and money are human constructs, spend a few months living off the land without your iPhone, please. Again, I'm not labeling these things as bad, merely constructs that require certain framing.
And for the record, I've been on the giving and receiving end of kindness enough that I can say with confidence that some things in life are free.
Shaping your Reality
Do I even need to explain at this point how your framing will dictate how you see the world and your subsequent experiences？ As I mentioned in a previous post, I used to think life was a struggle, and it was. Then I thought life was fun and it was. No matter how little control you have over your situation, how you interpret it is always entirely up to you.
By consciously choosing our framing we can become exactly who we want to be. Do you see yourself as a loser or do you know that you are capable of anything? What's possible and what's impossible? Our beliefs are formed by our framing and tend to reinforce themselves due to our framing.
So how can we change our framing?
There isn't one correct way to change your framing and become who you want to be, but the first step should be to recognize your framing. This shouldn't be too hard, just observe your thoughts and reactions to the happenings of your daily life. If you aren't willing to challenge your beliefs, you won't be able to change anything. For a bigger change, you need a bigger challenge.
Sometimes it's best to just play with the idea that everything you think you know could be wrong. This will open you up to lots of other possible ways to frame things. Dabbling with new ideas and trains of thought can help too. Traveling, studying a new language or a new culture or trying new things are other ways to open your mind and "opening your mind" includes exposing you to new ways to frame things.
How have you changed the way you see things? As always, I love comments so let me know your experience,
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I think changing our framing - or learning how to change our framing - is the most important aspect of becoming a happier person. The hardest part of this is to learn to recognize our framing in the first place. We're so used to looking at the world in a certain way, we don't even see the frame anymore. It takes a lot of effort to take a step back from our daily activities and our constant stream of thoughts and look at what is actually going on.
One thing that helped me do that is mindfulness meditation, but there's plenty of other ways to learn how to recognize our own patterns. Once you start seeing what is actually happening, you can slowly start to change those things.
My biggest discovery in the past few years was that I looked at everything through the frame of "I'm not good enough". I thought I wasn't welcome in social situations because I wasn't a nice enough person, so I withdrew myself. I thought I was just pretending to be good at my job, so I tried not to show when I didn't really understand something. It permeated through all kinds of small interactions in my life.
When I finally realized that was the way I was looking at the world, I started to change my frame. Whenever I encounter a new situation and I feel that fear of "I'm not good enough" creeping up, I tell myself that's just my old pattern. I can choose to let that go, and enter the situation in a neutral mindset instead. It takes a lot of effort, but it's helped me a lot.
Thanks for your post, it's actually given me motivation to write a post about this process myself :)
oh man, i forgot to follow you...that is a crime. got you now!
Heh, no worries. I've been way too busy making and blogging about a steemit app to write the post I promised anyway.
This is one of the greatest parts about living overseas or even in a new situation in the same place. You get to see things from a different angle which can easily expose your framing.
It's funny how thinking that you are not good at your job will actually make you not very good at your job. You hide your faults so you can't really improve and try to sneak by. I had this experience as well will many thing, not only work.
It's awesome to see such comment s on my post, I'll be checking out your posts to come.
Reframing is definitely important. Looking at things in a different context is one of the most difficult things for people to do.
Once you can approach a situation from multiple angles, you can anticipate how the outcome will appear to others and then make the best choice, given your desired objective.
Even the 'self-talk' that you think on the topic with can goes miles to change your perspective. "I'll never make the bus in time," can change to "If I don't make the bus in time, maybe I'll have the opportunity to check out that store before the next one arrives."
Very solid example, I try to do that all the time. I find that when I don't dwell on the bad effects of something, things almost always get better, and if they don't, it's an invitation to clear out some inner baggage.
It can be difficult but it's always rewarding.
Yes this epic stuff Steemians need to read this. I think a lot of my success of always being positive is my ability to frame and reframe every event that happens to me in a way that it fits my vision. Frame it to be all part of the journey and its all supposed to happen.
Thanks again for your writing, I really love this series.
You have to be one of the most optimistic people on the platform. I need to find you when I'm starting to slip in my game.
Thank you my friend, and absolutely I am here to help in any way. You are meant for greatness so anyway I can make sure that happens I am all for.
Things in life are free ............. love and respect are ! About framing everyting ........ i think i do as far my moral sayd so . Maybe sometimses i am wrong but at last i try : Have a nice time and stay awesome !
This post is dynamite!!! Nothing else to add. :D
Thanks dude, excited to check out that book you told me about!
Awesome. Have fun with it. :D
Tell me how it goes :D
Great material! Can I share this with my MOPS moms?!
i dont know what a MOPS mom is but i don't see why not....
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We share the same concept. Optimism. I believe that we can do anything if we have optimism. I used to be a shy-type person with low-self steem, and a loner. When I started gaining online friends, it helped me built my confidence and started attending meetups and conferences. I realized that it's fun to socialize and stop minding what other people say. The only thing that's blocking me for doing what I want when I was a loner was myself. I kept thinking, "what if they don't like my shirt", "what if they see my mosquito bites". so many what ifs. Good thing I learned to be optimistic before I hit my twenties. Because if not, I won't be able to do what I always wanted to do which is to tell stories that I'm passionate about and travel and learn more about other culture. Being optimistic plays a big role in who or what I am today. Thank you for this article. You motivate me to share my life experiences here. Maybe on my next post. =)
Optimism is important but there are two things to think about, how we find it, and makinsure it's both real and realistic rather than forced or unfounded.
People liking you is totally realistic and likely so there is no reason to worry about it. Also if you dislike yourself, you are inviting others to dislike you. Just know you are awesome and keep an eye out for your faults so you can be more awesome
I'm looking forward to all your future posts, good chat yesterday!
You are awesome too! Thanks for all the inspirational messages. I'm your fan now. :)
I got inspired by this post so I wrote this to my fellow Steemians: https://steemit.com/optimism/@pinaynomad/5-awesome-ideas-to-pay-it-forward-on-steemit#@gaman/5-awesome-ideas-to-pay-it-forward-on-steemit-gaman-07192017