The rise & fall of Christianity in my life: why did this happen & what did I learn?

in #spirituality7 years ago (edited)

I was obsessed with Christianity as a child. So much so that I would spend my UK Summer holidays at Christian camps where I would meet other Christian children and later in life I chose Religious Studies as one of my three A Levels at school in order that I could read the Gospels extensively and examine their origins.

Ironically it was this obsession which led to my eventual departure from any kind of attachment to religion.

Today I see myself as a spiritual person, not a religious one.

But I cannot deny my roots.

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The Value of a Christian Childhood

Despite having a Jewish father, whose hand you can see me holding in the above picture, I am deeply grateful for the efforts of my mother in guiding me towards Christianity at a young age.

I remember her teaching me how to pray, in part because I felt saddened by the death of a number of friends & family and she told me this was a way I could connect with them. She taught me to express my gratitude through prayers and to ask for help when I needed it.

I learned in this period the importance of having love and respect for all other humans and to treat others as I would like to be treated.

My mother would take my sisters & I to church every Sunday where we would hear amazing stories about God & Jesus and very quickly I understood there was something greater than a simple human.

There was a power capable of changing the course of a person's life through wondrous gifts or terrible suffering. I learned to respect this power and yearned to understand it better.

My mother observed this growing attachment to Christianity and proclaimed to many it appeared as if I would be taking a religious career in life. An idea which started to grow in me like a seed.

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The Christian Camp Experience

They were designed in such a way that we could further our education in any direction we chose through a selection of available teachers whilst interacting with other children, praying & singing with them regularly.

I saw something at one of these camps which I have barely spoken about since then.

A friend of mine appeared to have what can only be described as an epileptic fit during an intense praying session and instead of calling for a doctor, the leaders of the group crowded round him and started what I understand now to be an exorcism. They prayed in loud, powerful voices demanding that the evil spirit leave his body. And in time they appeared to be successful in their efforts for he became instantly calm and tranquil, smiling at everyone like nothing had happened. I spoke to him after the event but he could tell me nothing, unable to remember any part of it.

For years this event served as proof in my mind that I was on the right track.

What was it that changed me?

After starting prep school aged 13, I joined the choir and became good friends with Rev Mulliner, a man of the cloth who taught religious studies and gave the sermon each week. Like my mother, he saw my enthusiasm and selected me regularly to read the lesson.

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I took this role very seriously and would practice reading from the huge Bible on the golden lectern at night to rows of empty pews until I felt confident speaking publicly.

Reading little pieces of a big story always made me want to read more, so I chose at the age of 16 to study the Gospels as one of my three selected A Levels.

Two years of study

I learned in this period about the history of Christianity and looked specifically at the sources of the books Matthew, Mark, Luke & John, commonly known as The Gospels.

It became apparent that despite giving the appearance of being written by the people whose names were attached to them, the stories I loved so much were in fact written by multiple sources and often handed down by word of mouth for many years before being written down. Like a giant game of Chinese whispers.

Further to this, there were various different powerful forces at work over the years which sought to protect us by omitting certain details or changing them to better fit their own ideas.

This is not the same as a TRUE STORY.

Whilst the foundation of it may still be there, the details are questionable.

There has been a huge amount of killing over the years in the name of God due to the different perspectives of how the story should be told. We all know the old adage 'it is the victors who write the history books' and the Bible is no different.

It became a control mechanism which divided us into groups, some of whom are still fighting against each other today.

Most importantly, it granted these groups POWER & WEALTH, putting their morality to the test.

Making the words of Timothy (which inspired this post) slightly ironic.

"But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows."

1 Timothy 6:8-10.

These people were only human and the desire for great power & wealth is one of the most difficult addictions to cure.

I was 18 years old when I came across the works of Karl Marx and I instantly resonated with his words.

"Religion is... the opium of the people"

Karl Marx

I felt completely disillusioned.

Like the moment I found out Father Christmas wasn't real, it was a blow to my core.

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What do I believe now?

I believe there is a man called Jesus who did amazing things to help his fellow men.

He taught a beautiful message of love and was so pure in thought he was able to do things others could not. I feel this to be truth. My life experience has confirmed it.

But I also believe an important part of his message has been lost over the years through the endless writing and re-writing of the Bible.

We are taught that Jesus was a man. Yet we are also taught he was the Son of God. Like a God manifested in a human body.

As a child I wanted to be Jesus.

But I grew to understand this was not achievable, for my father may have been a business tycoon but he was still just an ordinary man.

There was a kind of separation created between myself and the 'God' family.

A separation I no longer feel.

  • Through the study and practice of the Law of Attraction I have learned what the human mind is capable of achieving with thought alone.

  • Through the study and practice of Reiki I have learned about the Chakra points and how powerful humans can be when focused on the healing of another.

  • Through the study of other religions & groups I have learned that there are MANY people who have achieved abilities beyond that of the average person, known now as Ascended Masters because their story ends with them becoming non physical.

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MEDITATION: The Common Factor

I noticed that mediation was the one thing almost all these Ascended Masters had in common. And very often their epiphany & resulting 'supernatural' skills were the result of a long period of undisturbed mediation.

Jesus was said to have spent 40 days and 40 nights in the wilderness after which he was a changed man. Just as Buddha is said to have sat under a tree for 7 days to attain his enlightenment.

In Conclusion

I no longer see these Ascended Masters as being anything other than humans who had different life experiences to my own.

And this thing which we call God is not out there somewhere in the heavens but within each and every one of us.

We are ALL gods manifested in human bodies!

Each of us walks our own path yet we all have the ability to connect with Source Energy and if we choose, to be remembered as someone who dedicated their life to helping others.

If you are Christian please do not be offended by my words. This is simply my interpretation of the life events I have lived and if I were to study the Gospels again today with these more experienced eyes of mine, no doubt I would see them in a completely different light.

My understanding of this subject is not fixed in time, but constantly shifting and evolving as I grow.

And I am very grateful for my Christian childhood, without which I simply wouldn't be me.

Blessings to you all from Bali 🌴

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@samstonehill,

Thank you for the opportunity to know you.

You mentioned something is your post which I feel should have been written in another manner!

I believe there was a man called Jesus who did amazing things to help his fellow man.

I believe it should be written has there is a man called Jesus who did amazing things to help his fellow men.

He didn't help his fellow men only, he died for them, he was bruise for them, he was nailed for them. The Bible says, Jesus knew the suffering that coming upon him but he endure it.

I have never seen a man like this. The everlasting father, the prince of peace. I will always worship him.

You know why I re-write that quote? Because he lives forever more. He is the same now, yesterday and forever, he will never change. He lives in you and I.

Praise God.

I wrote about "You are God's not Dogs in series" if you will kindly check it out on my page.

Remain blessed.

@stevenmosoes
Signing out.........

Thank you for this. Your suggested change of wording makes sense and it has been adjusted :)

And I like the sound of your series! Will check that out now...

Thanks for dropping by 🙏🏻 I always appreciate honest thoughts.

Very interesting and personal story!

I believe that it is very sound for people to discover their true belief at a grown up age. It is not wrong that parents try to guide us into their belief. But maybe it is a descicion one should take as a grown up.

Personal I am not religious. But I was brought up to be, and norwegian school is built on a christian foundation. What changed my personal belief was just growing up and discovering that all religions and societies have the same ground rules: be nice, respect others and don't steel. After a while I felt more obliged to those rules. The feeling of commiting to one "true God" felt wrong and not important.

Today as years has gone by I don't blame religions as the force behind conflicts, as I used to do before. I tend more to the fact that all wars and conflicts are based on wealth or power. Religion is just the excuse we use to start wars.

It seems like we are naturally attracted to religion as children. There is a kind of magic to it?

As adults we can make a more rounded judgement of the situation... assuming we are not in too deep already!

Great to hear your own Norwegian version of this story. I get the feeling there are many like us... all over the world.

All the best to you my friend. And thanks for dropping by :)

I find this exceedingly interesting! I had a solid Christian upbringing, attending Catholic School like every good New Englander. I too leaned into the religion, even believing I was meant to become a nun at some point.

I cannot tell you the exact moment when the light was shed upon my eyes, but, the moment of truth was a blow to me and for a short while, I moved away from religion completely.

I am back, spiritually, but, in a different capacity. I believe in God, but, like you, I believe the Bible is a compilation of stories used to help explain. Stories. Exactly.

Religion is an excuse that so many use to start wars, but, I actually believe it is greed.

My feeling is that a lot of us have been through something similar. It appears to be an important journey, without which we might never know our true selves.

Thank you for sharing a little of your own story here :)

Where there is love there is life.

- Mahatma Gandhi

Old man you are wise ;)

My beliefs are very similar to yours. I believe in god, but my god is energy. It takes no faith to believe in it, and it connects everything together. As you wrote too, god is within us all. To me organized religion is tyrannical. It is a control system. We are souls (electrical beings) with meat suits.

We were meant to be free too, not subjected to control systems regardless of the justifications given for them or the people creating them.

We also have a choice to use the power within us to either destroy or create. My friends are creators! They understand the responsibility they have to further good through creation, and they do everything in their power to improve the world one baby step at a time.

As electrical beings, we are immortal. Physical death should not be a concern either. People may physically die, but they never die electrically. We need a physical body though to make physical connections to the rest of the slower moving energy around us.

It's acceptable to believe in endless spinning balls in a vacuum, but I wont mention an endless plane, that would be ridiculous, best we ridicule those people eh. ;)

Ugh, flat Earther, ehh?

Ugh, I know. What a total bunch of natural science researchers!! WANKERS. If something is measurable, testable, repeatable, and displays a pattern; I just don't wanna know. WANKERS. Better we put all our faith in NASA's cgi imagery.

I agree with every word 100%. If I had felt like writing more it would no doubt have come to this subject.

@sebcam and I took our shoes off together many years ago and didn't put them back on, because we both acknowledged our bio-electric being within, which when grounded, has the correct voltage.

And the Electric Universe is a subject I have been delving into since then. What an amazing subject this is.

As for Flat Earth, I am not big on labels but I am however very happy to put myself in the following camp:

NOT SATISFIED WITH THE MAINSTREAM EXPLANATION!

Thanks for dropping by ;)

What makes you doubt the currently accepted model? It can easily be proven that we are on a globe. I have questions about our universe too, but there are definitely some solid facts to prove most of what we've been told. It could all still be a simulation however. haha :)

Have run tests shooting objects on the horizon over flat water with a 500mm lens and found small curvature but not what I expected. And I am not sure how easy it is to conclusively prove this one either way? Perhaps you know something i don't?

The only way to really know for sure is to be a passenger on a space ship leaving earth!

But I'm pretty sure no matter how much I beg, NASA won't take me ;)

An engineer did calculations from a beach with a hill above it across from Chicago. You cannot see the tops of the buildings from the beach. As you move up the shore onto the hill though, you slowly can see them. The numbers do not lie, and he was able to easily calculate the curve.

Our magnetic field and the electrical shield the planet has would not work in a flat plane either.

"An engineer did calculations"... HAHAHAHAHAHAAaaaa... it sounds like you're telling us an ancient bible story. A Man, he had instruments, and he said....

So entertaining. I love you.

It's high school mathematics. You dispute his findings?

I love you too much to dispute anything. You're right. You're clearly very intelligent, and very very right. Well done. Blessings

Ugh, I know. What a total bunch of natural science researchers!! WANKERS. If something is measurable, testable, repeatable, and displays a pattern; I just don't wanna know. WANKERS. Better we put all our faith in NASA's cgi imagery.

for about 20 years I have doubt the bible and finally began to dug into it quite a while ago already, to finally discover the same facts. Today I call myself a metaphysicist, in favor of the merging of science and spirituality. Religions separate from God and scientism keeps God away from any research. That is precisely why we are in this huge mess worldwide

I blog a lot about all this, I am on a mission... thanks for sharing.... the movement I have started, only endorses the Cosmic Law Of Vibration.

Thank you for sharing a little of your own story here. Have checked out your blog for more...

I, too have a Christian and Protestant Bible background. In the middle of my awakening to the Deep State, I researched Spiritual Ascension and found the best integration of Philosophy, Science, and Religion in a book called the Urantia Book. It confirmed so much that I had been discovering about the weaknesses of the Bible, especially in the Science and History areas.
I also felt led to start a blog, jesusandaliens.com, to try to sort out my new cosmology. May your journey continue to yeild much fruit!

Seems to me that you are placing reverence upon the name of Jesus when you write: "I believe there was a man called Jesus who did amazing things to help his fellow man. He taught a beautiful message of love and was so pure in thought he was able to do things others could not."

But that approach simply does not work in my opinion. As CS Lewis said so eloquently:

“I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept his claim to be God. That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic — on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg — or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut him up for a fool, you can spit at him and kill him as a demon or you can fall at his feet and call him Lord and God, but let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about his being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.”

― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

I am happy you have taken something away from your walk with Jesus and found what seems like joy and peace, but I disagree with your philosophy which seems to be that we can take a bit from this and a bit from that and find truth. Truth is not subjective.

I would just like to conclude by quoting Jesus who made Lewis' and my point very clearly:

6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Jesus' claim makes him squarely in one of the following three camps, he cannot be a little of each, he is either a lunatic, a liar, or a Lord.

Thank you for the CS Lewis quote. I hadn't seen this particular one.

I really did take something away from my 'walk with Jesus' as you put it. I still feel him to be a part of my now. And as I said, I am in no way decided about anything or trying to convince anyone this is truth. Just my current perspective, which is always evolving. In part thanks to people like yourself who provide balanced and well intentioned objections.

Thank you for that. I am pleased now I post promoted this where I did.

...and will continue collecting life experiences to enhance the perspective from which I see the world.

Excellent writing my friend. I have tears in my eyes. I've been always christian but like you said so only because of my mom and my grandmother. These women open me the path to the biggest love ever to my best friend and father who is always with me no matter where I am. My positive side is only because I have so much faith.

Why only my mom and my grandma taught me that because unfortunately my father didn't believe he was a very good man but with his own opinion.

Thank you for the post

Have a splendid day.

Thanks very much for sharing a little of your own story with us here. Great to have your support as always :)

Sending a flower to make your day bless :)

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Ahhh... thank you :)

Your story looks like many others. So many people who came back out of deep christianity. I always had a problem, when we were young still at lower school i wanted to learn the bible, so i went to a special club every monday, where they told us storys about the bible. I loved to go it was a warm and happy feeling. But when i understand what been said i found god mean. What ever person energy or what ever you want to call it can ask from his child, (we all are his children) To sacrifise his child? The one who can is a bad person , even when you do it crying. And it does not get better when he said, no no you do not have to do that, i only put you to a test !! you do not really have to do that. NUTS ! i think that part must be written by a total twist personality who was not developped very far. And the farao who was in love with , who was it the wive of abraham who was so many years younger than abraham, so the pour farao thought it was a daughter... And than god punished him because he laid eyes on other mans wife?? No so many stories that real or not, tell me i am not a christian. I am a believer, i do think bout more than one jesus as more of the others. I tell you a story about a tim, and you said oh yess i know that guy, tim did the same over here, and they granted every thing to the same person. I seem to know we all are one, and the universe and us are partners, we might be the universe, and we for sure are part of that. Like you said energy points in your body, and the powerful mantras send in to the universe by multiplying. One of my leaders said, do not ask but order, the universe has the most profit by good happy working bodies. Because only than you give of the right energy to keep existing. Nice subject thank you.

It feels like this is a big story for many of us. And yes, like you there were stories from the Bible which I didn't really understand... but knowing now what I know, I can see how these stories might have worked for certain people over the ages. If people are prepared to sacrifice their children for the cause... well then... there isn't much else they wouldn't do.

Thank you for sharing your personal experience with this.

Great that we can all share our stories together here :)

What a lovely personal story Sammy! UPvoted and resteemed with pleasure! =)

Why thank you Mr Jockey. Have resteemed your latest now :)

Great work!

Yupppp :)

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