@jeezzle Writing contest: What's that sound in the darkness?

in #soundinthedarkness6 years ago (edited)

I startled awake, straining to listen, and yet there was no sound.  It was eerily quiet.  My heart was beating a little to fast and the sheets were damp with a cool sweat, goosebumps covered my arms.  Again I strained to hear what had startled me, but silence was the answer.  My mind heavy with sleep, yet somehow alert was searching for a reason for the alarm I was feeling.  

Had I heard something or dreamt about a noise?  It was still very quiet, I realized it was also too dark.  My night light must have burnt out.    I felt a suffocating feeling, and I became aware of the sound of ragged breathing and was a bit surprised when I realized it was my own.  

I held my breath to listen and heard only my skin moving across the sheets and a low ringing in my ears.  No car sounds, no dogs barking, I wondered if I had ever heard such a quietness.  Not a bird or a cricket or the hum of appliances.  The silence became so loud it was alarming.  

I noticed the ragged breathing again, it was still mine.  Why was it so dark?  I moved my head to look out the window, but it was so dark both in and out of the house, not even a reflection, I couldn't see a thing.  The ragged breathing got louder.  No stars, no moon, no headlights from the road, the streetlights were off.  The darkness like the silence was overwhelming and my sense of alarm was growing.

In the distance I did hear a faint sound, like a whisper or a rustle, but so quiet I couldn't make it out.  It sounded quiet and distant, I couldn't identify the sound.  I reached for my phone, my hand felt around for it in the dark, I located the cool phone case and pressed the button to illuminate the room.  Nothing happened.  There was no way the phone was dead, it was plugged in.  I pushed the power button a little too hard with hands that trembled a little and nothing....

I heard my ragged breath and in the distance a rustle, maybe a hum... and nothing else.

The goosebumps were back and I noticed my skin turning clammy, yet... I still didn't have a specific fear.  

An inner sense of panic was beginning to set in.  It got the better of me and I jumped up to flip the light switch, I heard my feet hit the floor and the soft rustle of the sheets as I pulled them back.   I needed something, anything to break up the silence and darkness.  I flipped the light switch and nothing happened.  The room was so dark I could barely see in front of me, and my teeth began to chatter.  In the distance a rustle or a hum... I couldn't make it out.

I felt I was being swallowed by darkness and silence, as if I would disappear.  I began to choke as if the darkness could be inhaled and block the passage of air.  The sound of my own wheezing and choking was nearly reassuring.  The rustle or hum in the background suddenly seemed closer, but when I tried to listen carefully, I could only hear my heart pounding in time with the ragged breathing.

I couldn't breath and I felt a bit dizzy, I slumped back on to the bed, trying to slow my breathing.  The power must be out I thought to myself, trying to calm myself down.  The darkness truly was uncanny.  The humming rustling sound nagged at the back of my brain while I tried to remember where I put the flashlight.

The inky blackness felt heavy. nearly crushing adding to the sense of choking.  I began to rub at my eyes and ears as if I could wipe the darkness and silence away.  I couldn't see anything and the rustling sound was still distant, steady and somehow ominous and disturbing.

In my growing panic I tried the phone again with trembling hands and I cussed  when it still wouldn't turn on.   I set the phone on the nightstand with a load bang and felt a tiny bit of gratitude for the sound.

The humming rustling noise grew a bit louder and I felt frozen in the darkness.

I glanced toward the window again, but there was no use, my eyes were not adjusting and I had to admit there was something unnatural about the darkness, something deafening about the silence.  

I tried to take some slow breaths and decide what to do.  The noise was definitely a rustle, a whispering, humming rustle, quiet, but growing closer.  I couldn't identify the sound.  It didn't sound mechanical nor like an animal, it had a strange musical quality, but it wasn't music.

My heart was still beating to fast and my mind was both slow and too fast at the same time.  I could not think of what to do or how to make sense of what I was experiencing.

I felt hands on my shoulder, a gentle shaking and a voice..

"Are you having a Nightmare?" my partner asked..

And I woke, still choking on the darkness of my dream.

This post is my attempt at writing a fictional story for @jeezzle's contest. 

https://steemit.com/soundinthedarkness/@jeezzle/writing-contest-what-s-that-sound-in-the-darkness

Check it out for fun or engagement if you can actually write, you might even win a bit of Steem and a vote!

I don't normally write fiction and this shows why...  I immediately liked the way my story started, but I had no where to go with it, and I wrote myself into a corner really quickly.  lol.  It was fun though.  Thanks @jeezzle.

@whatsup


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Hi @whatsup! We are @steem-ua, a new Steem dApp, computing UserAuthority for all accounts on Steem. Starting from the witnesses, UA propagates from user to user based on its followers until equilibirum is reached. We are currently in test modus upvoting quality contributions with a high UA value (UA_author + UA_post)! Your UA_post value is 21.832.

Resteemed.

Brilliant story. The engagement with the senses is remarkable and acute, and the vivid way both body and mind in the story strain, to detect the unfathomable, magnifies both the awareness of sensations as well as the panic behind them.

Personally I would prefer that the story was unresolved, as the tension build-up is so exquisitely managed that we don't deserve the out at the end, which allows us simply to take a breath, move on, and forget about the story.

On the other hand, perhaps you are just being kind lol.

That is funny, because I considered leaving it unresolved. I needed to end it, I didn't know where to go with it. I nearly just stopped typing .... :) It was really fun to write. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I try to write... but you my dear, are a master of the pens! Also, I highly relate to this regardless of it fiction or not. Picasso once said art (in this case your writing) is a lie used, to tell the truth. This dream has been my reality, many a time.

Maybe I can write panic well because I have always struggled with anxiety attacks.

Maybe. Or maybe it's that plus your being a good scribe.

Hello @whatsup, thank you for sharing this creative work! We just stopped by to say that you've been upvoted by the @creativecrypto magazine. The Creative Crypto is all about art on the blockchain and learning from creatives like you. Looking forward to crossing paths again soon. Steem on!

Wow! Nicely done. Had me interested right away.

Saw the contest though, you've always had this ability to take people glued to the story till the very end, this is totally beautiful even if it was a dream, amazing suspense though

I chickened out and made it a dream. I wrote myself into have nowhere to go, so the dream part was a cop out. :)

I don't normally write fiction and this shows why... I immediately liked the way my story started, but I had no where to go with it, and I wrote myself into a corner really quickly.

I actually thought it was excellent! Really nice flow, very compelling, very easy to keep reading. I worked out it was a nightmare about a paragraph or so before the reveal, so nicely ended as well.

This gets my vote :-)

Cg

Haha, it was a nightmare, because I had no where else to go with it, but thank you for the kind words. :)

Whenever you said that your heart was beating fast or you had goosebumps I was literally feeling the same😯.This most important thing for a writer is to interact with their readers. When they feel the same you write it's an achievement for you. Great story or I should say nightmare. Both us are somewhat same because I also had an nightmare and wrote about it.But you are an inspiration for me. And I try to learn from you.

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