Sexual harassment in the workplace

I was reading this article in Eater which I love looking at posts about food but this was something different and something that hits it in the feels.

The story goes a waitress got groped by a long tenured sous chef and reported the matter to HR and with a witness.

HR looked like it was listening and said a write up of this incident will be done. Then the HR manager was said to comment about how the waitress was hot and friendly. Might be too friendly in fact and given that people were drinking some of her actions might have been misinterpreted. The HR manager was a woman in her middle age and given the situation I would have thought she would show more compassion and yet in her own way she was victim blaming.

Reporting a sexual harassment case is one of the most difficult things to do. I have conducted investigations and even decided on a number of cases that involved women, men and the third gender without looking at their presumed reputation or what they wore on that incident.

I once had a case that the supervisor and the employee were the only two people on the operation floor.

I remember how she felt that nothing will happen because she was a probationary employee and he was a tenured supervisor.

She was in front of her computer when she felt his hand brush her arm. She did not took offense as the guy was known to be a bit touchy feely and not just with women.

She however reacted when she felt his breath on her neck and was held in an embrace without her consent.

He was whispered in her ear that she smelled nice. She remembered fighting off the tears and still work after the incident.

She clocked out that day and did not report to work the next day.

I was brought in not because of a sexual harrassment case but because she was absent for more than 3 days already and was to process her AWOL. She was to be terminated.

I did the due process and a return to work order was issued and she either complied or would have been tagged as AWOL and termination process documented.

I called her several times only to receive silence. I asked her supervisor if she was sick but his answer was he barely saw her and last time he did was when he had to cover for another employee who was absent and that they did not speak much that day but she looked fine.

Finally got through and I asked her why she was not reporting to work. She said she did not want to anymore and asked if she could immediately resign. I said yes but would recommend a 30 day notice and some time to find a replacement. Pretty standard for any HR personnel to say.

I could have left it at that but at that point I still believed in the path that I took as a champion for people. That day I still believed in HR and the power it had to protect the weak. I still believed in the good.

I had to ask what was the true reason why she wanted to resign and only through much prodding did she hint with the larger issue.

She still was processing the whole thing. She didn't even believe it herself. She was a plain Jane, while he was a person in power and was well regarded by other people. He was young and good looking and she knew several other women in the company had the hots for him.

She remembered thinking what did she wear that day. Did she had something revealing, did she encourage the attention, was she a slut? You see she was already victim blaming herself because in her mind it seemed improbable that it would happen to her. To her she thought it was her fault.

I was floored and asked her if she wanted to meet in person and file for a case. She thought about it but what would a lowly employee like her do against someone from management. Who would believe her.

I would.

I said I would do everything in my power to find the truth.

She was crying. She said she has been crying nonstop since it happened. She did not know who to turn to because she felt weak and helpless.

I wanted to comfort her and make her feel safe. My heart felt broken. Some in our field say we should leave our emotions out when investigating but I am emotional. It is what pushes me to be in HR. It was because I cared.

She had to recount everything that happened that day. If there was anything out of the ordinary, the smallest details, the words and action when it happened and the events afterwards.

I could see the emotional anguish she was feeling as she transported herself back to that day. Of that feeling of his breath on her skin. Of that touch and embrace that she felt. Sometimes we had to pause because she was crying. I said let it all out and I am here and will wait.

Even with her statement in hand she was still not sure if she wanted to file for an incident. In her mind she still thought that she would not be able to do anything.

Let the process take it's course. Let me look into the whole matter.

I remember putting the supervisor in preventive suspension as I did not want him near anyone while the matter was being investigated. I remember one of the managers asking me if this could be delayed as he is needed and a client was coming over. It was one of the many instances that management would use its "business" need to try to sway things.

Management has always had its way before. A slew of HR people before me had always said yes. Not today though. Not today.

I fought for my preventive suspension recommendation and I remember that manager's eyes as she looked on and saw that I would not budge. It would be not the last time we would butt heads on HR matters. Yet I knew it was one of the reasons why I eventually was on her shit list.

I proceeded to investigate. I ran through her statement looking for holes, I asked for the supervisor to provide his statement.

I remember his manager even sending me an email about how he is a trusted and very hard working individual and that she could not imagine this happening. In her own way she was already dismissing the whole thing and even thought that the woman might have imagined the whole thing.

I asked for security to give a statement of what happened that day and if there were any CCTV footage. Thank goodness it was one of the instances that the CCTVs were working.

I remember watching the grainy shot of the operations floor. Only one light was opened in a midst of saving electricity. I saw her come in for that day. I saw him a couple of hours later.

He stopped by and chatted with her a bit before going back to his station. He mentioned this encounter in his statement as they were joking around. He remembered asking her if her head felt better as they were out drinking the night before with the entire team. Thus the reason why someone was absent and he had to pitch in and was there that day.

He said that they were flirting.

What I would give to have audio at that point but whatever I can get I will use it.

In her statement she said she had one beer after being prodded on by peer pressure because she still had work the next day. The rest of the evening she drank ice tea.

They were out doing karaoke that night before and she remembered how the supervisor was hogging the mic and sang duets with several people including her.

Then I saw him stand up and went to her station. I saw him talk, then that arm brush. Then he walked away only to return a few moments later and I see him hug her from behind and whisper in her ear.

It was unfolding right in front of my eyes. Damn this grainy video. Even zooming in I could not see her facial reaction.

Yet her body spoke volumes. She froze after the exchange. She did not move for what seemed like an eternity. Then she held her hands in her face and she looked like she was crying.

After awhile she stood up and went to the restroom.

These were not the actions of a person who gave consent. These were not the actions of a person who allegedly flirted with him. These were the actions of a victim who couldn't believe what just happened.

This was a person who thought she was safe and had it shattered when she was sexually harrassed.

I honestly wanted to punch the guy. If he was in front of me that instance I would be out of a job. Yet I know I needed to be calm and present these things and make a judgement that is sound and will not have any loopholes for him to get away with this.

Then I wrote my findings.

Long story short he was found guilty and was terminated. I had to find a replacement and I remember that his manager was not happy to explain to a client why his supervisor was not around to meet him.

I remember how thankful she was that someone believed her and that she got over it.

Yet it did not. The sudden disappearance of the supervisor led to several rumors of what happened. People asked me but I would not give details as it did not concern them.

Then someone talked and somehow it spread like wild fire. People learned that he got fired for sexual harassing someone. People talked about someone from his former team having remembered that they had an unofficial team building where they did karaoke but they could not remember if anyone was harassed there. They thought that he went home alone that night even when several women were so ready to hook up with him. Again his reputation as being popular with the women seemed so unlikely that he would sexually harassing someone.

Then I am not sure who ratted her out or if anyone from my team looked at his file. I would like to believe no one would from my team but people learned that she filed the case.

Then people started to talk. They commented she wasn't even pretty. How could he sexually harass her when she wasn't even hot.

People can be really mean at times. I remember seeing her pass me with eyes red. I told her to come see me.

She told me about an incident in the restroom where some women were talking about her lack of beauty and how it was impossible for him to try to do that. She felt she couldn't move and she did not want to see who were talking. She did not want them to see her after they said those hurtful things.

Here she was being a victim again and I couldn't do anything for her without compromising what happened. Here she was being blamed by spiteful people.

Man I wanted to rampage and call everyone up to stop it but it needed to be handled with finesse and not with a baseball bat.

So you see even when someone receives justice it's effect does not stop at that point. People will talk. People will judge and in the victim she had to remember again and again what happened.

Going back to the Eater article I felt sad for the waitress. I felt anger for the HR who handled it and for how society condones it.

No.matter how many #metoo stories had the courage to speak out we still had so many that silently suffered and justice denied to them as their attackers go on as if nothing happened. That they destroyed someone and got away with it

This is the article and tell me how did you feel when you read it

Eater story