The Evolution of @son-of-satire - Part One
I need help. Serious help. I had hoped that ayahuasca could give me what I need, but now it would seem that this is the only option that remains. You see, this is to be far more than your typical piece of writing. This will be a deeply personal, introspective journey- one that I have invited you to observe.
There are several reasons why I have decided to share this with the Steemit community. For starters, I feel that I owe an explanation to those of you who have followed me for quite some time. You have no doubt come to expect a level of quality or insight from my posts, and I have failed to deliver on this in recent months. My hopes are that this series will provide some understanding as to why that has been the case.
Secondly, I feel that others may benefit from reading this. I'm highly doubtful that there is anyone out there who has the exact same troubles as I'm currently faced with, but I believe the observation of the self-analysis that will follow could be replicated and used to overcome entirely different personal issues.
Lastly, as it seems prudent to be honest, given the nature of what I am going to be sharing; I have bills to pay and a dog to feed, so I know that I should really be attempting to monetize anything that I am putting a great amount of time or effort into.
I haven't the slightest inclination as to how long this is going to take. It could be a day, or it could be a month, but by the end of this thing I will be ready to make a decision I have been avoiding for far too long. I feel that I am in a cocoon, and I am unable to grow any further until I have decided what I would like to transform into. An underwhelming analogy perhaps, but that is because I mean it quite literally.
I realise now that this journey of self-scrutiny will have to begin in the next post, because I must first explain my current state of mind and what I aim to achieve from this., or you will have no chance of comprehending what comes next. To anyone who decides to share in this experience with me, I ask that you keep an open mind, for if you cannot, you don't belong in mine. I will most definitely be diving deep into topics that most would regard as controversial, strange, or even supernatural.
Lastly, if at any point this starts to sound like nothing more than the ramblings of a mad man, I would ask you to remember all that I have written in the past, and ask yourself again if I am truly insane. If after that, I drift off into Crazytown again, then you should probably just tell me I really am bonkers, because I've been wondering if that is the case for quite some time now.
My Cocoon
I don't really know how to do this delicately, so I will just come forth with it. I have come to believe that we are living in the end times. This has been a particularly unique experience for me, given that I am not a follower of any religions.
I understand that this is no small thing, and I can assure you that I did not come to this realisation easily. In truth, I have been seeing signs of the end times for over a year now. Like any rational person, I convinced myself that everything I was seeing had been put there intentionally in order to make me(and many others) believe the end is nigh. It made sense. Why wouldn't the powers of this world want a lot of us to believe that the end times are arriving? There's no reason for us to fight back against our increasingly obvious enslavement if we think Jesus is coming to save us anyway.
It was easy to convince myself it was bullshit. Even when I finally looked into it, and found that there was tons of Bible prophecy being fulfilled, still it was easy. It wasn't being fulfilled by chance, these fuckers were clearly actively seeking to make it appear as though that was the case, all to pacify the Christian populations of the world, and have them resign themselves to the current state of society. That's what I thought, and I figured that they only needed to do it until blockchain is fully integrated into society, because then there'd be no way to fight back anymore anyway.
The problem with that was, I had held a conflicting belief in my mind for just as long. I do not think that the powers of this world want us to lay down and take it anymore. Almost everywhere I look I see anti-government sentiment being cultivated within the masses, and I have known for some time that this will eventually be settled on the streets, most likely coinciding with the public's realisation that the dollar, pound, euro and every other fiat currency is dead.
I often make a point of highlighting when others are holding two contradictory beliefs, yet this time it was myself I was forced to enlighten. It would make absolutely no sense for them to be purposefully inciting a revolution whilst simultaneously convincing people the end times are here so that they won't bother to fight back.
As one would expect, I had to work through my cognitive dissonance, and in the end I came to the conclusion that the end is coming. But, please do not misinterpret my interpretation of this. I recoginize that the end is synonymous with the beginning, and so I do not mean to imply that I believe the world is going to end. No. I simply believe that we are approaching the end of an era, and that this means a new, exponentially different one is on the horizon.
Now, as I said, I do not follow any religious doctrine. I believe in a Creator, but I see the need for no middle man in our relationship. However, I do not think the Bible is complete poppycock. I recognize Jesus, Lucifer and Satan as aspects of human consciousness. So when I say that I regard this new world to be one constructed by Lucifer, and ruled by Satan, I hope you will realise that I do not mean any singular entity, but the parts of us that have been nurtured by our time's Earthly environment.
So, here I am. A non-religious man who believes that Satan's world is being constructed at hyper-speed right before my very eyes, and the decision I am faced with, is what role will I play in this new world, or whether I am done playing roles entirely.
The last few months have been the loneliest of my life. I was once able to conquer loneliness with a mere thought. That was the power of my imagination, I thought. But it could not have been power, not that I can control at least. For the last few months, my imagination has been able to conjure only that which leads back to what I care not to think about. Marijuana has helped dearly, but I can no longer dull my mind just to avoid my own thoughts.
When I am not high, I feel like an observer in an age of actors, and I care not to align myself with the cult of commerce that everyone who surrounds me is a part of. Everywhere I look I see a person, a word derived from an Ancient Greek term for "character in a play." And each of them has their own characteristics, that determine their actions, which will in turn determine their role in society.
It's all bullshit though. People have been wearing their masks so long they have forgotten they have one on. Not only that, but it would seem that our language has been manipulated to facilitate our self-deceiving behaviour. And the world of tomorrow, which is only years away, will nurture this aspect of us more than any other. Steemit is a good example. Many of you know I have struggled with this place because I am too good at reading people(or at least I believe myself to be) to stomach half of the friendly comments on this platform.
In a world where there is a cost on survival, people will always be willing to adopt disingenuous personas if it will earn them something, and as we move into an attention and rewards economy, genuine interactions between humans will become rarer by the second until we are all nothing more than a bunch of stories. Stories that amount to little more than what is required to prosper in such an economy, but that fail to touch on any of the characteristics honest human traits that make our species so beautiful.
This is where my dilemma lies, and it isn't a new one. I arrived at this same fork in the road long before I embraced the end times as part of my reality, and even before I discovered Steemit. You see, I have been trying to break free from this cycle of acting, and return to a life of simple existence. It's rather clear to me at this point, that I can no longer have one foot in and one foot out the door.
By the end of this, I aim to gain from myself exactly what I need to make a decision on whether to follow Jesus, or to follow Satan. That is to say that I will nurture the purest part of myself, and decide never to betray my own sense of morality again, for no reason, ever, regardless of the consequences for me, or for anyone else- my family included, as this is something that society has forced me to do for far too long. Or, I will adhere to the lessons taught by society, and feed the part of my consciousness I now recognize as Satan by embracing money and materialism as the way of the world, and giving up on this quest to be better than my environment. Essentially, I will finally commit to playing the game, and to being a winner.
I shall achieve this through asking myself a series of questions that have been weighing heavy on my mind, and by scrutinizing my answers to find clarity on what direction is best for me and Vito. The first question will be;
Is it possible to be both a good person, and a good citizen?
I will answer this, and then pick apart my own response until I have a new question, in the next post.
I hope people are going to take part of your inner journey. To question my own life and how I decide to live it, is a valuable and sensible thing to do. What you wrote, touches the lives of many humans.
Did you try to turn this upside down?
If you drop the creator, leave "God" aside, how then is your existence embedded on this planet?
Isn't it possible that as long you somehow believe in a creator (architect, ruler, force, energy) than it still is connected to a very hidden "Hintergedanke" (thought in the very back of your mind), that someone ELSE might be responsible for the misery/pain you personally feel?
The christian inheritance is very strong, the same counts for me as well. I went for the journey you are on right now, and still am.
In principle the values of Christianity are all true, same with all religions. Why not dropping an outer authority (God = society = government) which should fix things you perceive as dangerous or evil?
The decision you offer to yourself: does it have to be an "either, or"?
How about looking closer at the middle man, which we all could be: you, me and everyone who is interested in finding middle ground. The ideal cannot be "God" in my eyes. A "God" I never can reach or even become like him, for he has been put so high up that I almost get tired even thinking of trying to live up to this standard.
What about taking another figure as an ideal, you can imagine that you maybe can come close to and obtain what he obtained, like you mentioned Jesus. Buddha as well is this figure of hope.
It sounds like a vow to me. I felt during reading it that it might be too much of a task to fulfill that "from now on". Have you tried little steps? Like when you talk about ONE moral/virtue to live a single day without lying to some one?
I would recommend that and see afterwards the effect on you. For my part I realized how difficult indeed it is to fulfill even ONE commandment (virtue as I prefer to say) and follow it consciously through my daily life. Often I hurt a virtue by not being aware that I am doing so.
Unmasking myself is a brave act. But also it should be done with a good amount of wisdom, cause not all people can cope or react in a way that is beyond what they themselves already are up to.
I wish you all the best for your journey. What you are going to need the most is patience with yourself and others.
I see what you're getting at, but I do not see God as an excuse for my misdeeds. I am struggling with many things currently, but an inability to take responsibility for my actions is not one of them.
I understand why it may seem like a pretty intense ultimatum, but I should have made it clearer that this is not the first time I have visited this very choice. Each time I end up going backwards, but this time I would like to go forward. So, believe me when I say it would not be as difficult as you might expect. I am already half way there, and have greatly limited the frequency of my betraying my morals for "necessity."
I find it always works out in the end. I never knew what I was going to do a couple years ago when I quit yet another job because it was forcing me to betray my sense of morality. I didn't know how things would be okay, but I discovered Steemit soon after and have managed to, for the most part, meet all of my outgoing expenses solely through Steemit and through increasing earnings on bittrex before I withdraw them.
Your advice is great, but it is wasted on me. I do this every day anyway, and I do not do it with just one thing. I'm also not underestimating the potential ramifications of such a decision. I am well aware that to adhere to ones own moral code, unwavering, within an immoral society, could quite possibly lead to death or to incarceration. Neither of those things are a cause of distress to me. I'm likely to go to jail eventually for tax evasion anyway, and I've been writing a book in my head for years that I will transcribe when I have time to in my cell. Death isn't a fear of mine either. I'll be happy to get a rest from this chore of an existence. The real consequences will not be my own/ My legitimate fear is that my decision to live how I want to live in spite of my environment will lead to my family living how they do not want to live to ensure that I don't end up in jail or dead. I don't want them to get their hands dirty or sweaty all so that I might be able to keep mine clean. It would be hard to look upon such a decision as admirable or righteous if my making of that decision is removing the option of others in my life to make the same one.
This is the biggest problem with the choice I have asked myself to make, but, while my thoughts on the world ending may be relatively new, this choice has been with me for years, and it is only that my belief that we are moving into a newer, darker age, that has forced me to speed up the process of making that decision.
Thanks a lot for your comment though. It is very clear that it was meant with the best intentions, I just think you are underestimating the necessity for me to make this choice. I expect that more of my mindset will be revealed within the following posts, and perhaps then you will have a better understanding of why I feel that I have only these two choices left available to me.
The people I consider immoral, I don't need to fight against, but I can try to understand them - in that, I will defeat them. The immorality of others may not go away by that, but for me, it makes them bearable and my life more peaceful and bright.
The moral code has existed, I have not known for how many millennia, and I think it is quite right to question your life and to invoke these ethics. I may have seen you as you may have seen me as not understanding/not really getting it. I let go of it. Although I find it difficult, I guess this is one thing that I can learn in this short encounter between the two of us to let you do your journey.
I leave you with this quote, though:
I like you a lot. Also, this quote you have shared is some terrific advice, if only we all lived it.
leave the "if only" alone.
I like you, too.
Sitting here in my mountain retreat I am patiently waiting on society to drop the act and make a whole hearted attempt to naturalize with this incredible creation we experience.
For me, this question of following 'jesus' or 'satan' is the fundamental choice we face in every moment of consciousness.
What a thought invoking piece, I'm interested to see how(/if!?) you can work it out. Think we could all learn a lot by asking ourselves for what we really stand.
In my book; citizen=state=violent coercion=bad. So 'good citizen' is an oxymoron. And trying be a good citizen us essentially like trying to be good thief.
Cheers
If the definition of good citizenship means obeying ridiculous laws simply because they're laws, voting, or assisting the state in any way to enforce their tyranny, then being a good person is incompatible with being a good citizen.
As to 'end times', it does feel somewhat like the forces are gathering with all the theatre we're seeing play out. Is this being orchestrated to make us think there is some kind of shift happening over to the side of good or is it to distract us from something else? Is it a case of boiling frog syndrome and the world of tomorrow has already arrived? We've volunteered unprecedented access to our lives to authorities through social media, we're swapping basic skills for virtual ones, language is being manipulated so it seems we can no longer understand each other, facts are no longer facts, and then you have this Chinese social credit system.
I have no answers, only questions, so must apologise for the lengthy reply.
Glad to see you can be so helpful at this tormentful time in my life. Cunt.
Helpful, oh ok ...em....well I was gonna suggest self-flagellation, but I think you already have that one down to a fine art.
Ah man. I know this is 'public' and all, but I really just need to tell you. I love you. I truly love you. And I am always here for you, no matter what happens, what you choose/decide. Always.
Hi @son-of-satire! Firstly I'm sorry this is a hard time for you and I have to agree that these are trying times for people individually and collectively for sure. We are living in a time during which change is exponentially faster than at any other time in recorded history.
This change brings up the extremes, the good the bad and all kinds of feelings are flying around, it's a messy soup of humanity not to mention the worldwide problems created over the past century that threaten our ecosystem.
SO, all that said...there is another side to all of this and it is pretty darn exciting. We can manifest new realities quicker and more easily than ever before! Yes we are fed news ad nauseum about all of the heinous things happening, BUT for each of those, there are hundreds of good things people are doing every moment that we don't hear about.
This is such a special time for someone with a good heart and a good head like you to grab life and love it deeply. Love people, love anything and everything you can, feel as fully as you can, this WILL make you feel better AND will actually make the world a better place. Even something as simple as breathing in the fresh air and appreciating it is a powerful thing. Do it or anything else that honestly helps you to feel good about being alive as often as you can.
I really don't believe these are the end of days like you fear even if it is actually the ending of many things. I believe that we are building a new reality that's full of wonderful potential even if we can't see it yet. Don't be fooled by all of the crap happening, focus on the good and make more of it.
I'm not discouraging you from ayahuasca, it has helped many people I know but each of them has a trained and wonderful shaman to guide them. It's not the right thing for everyone so make sure you have good support if you feel called to it.
Anyway, just my thoughts, I hope you have a great weekend
the two go hand in hand.
unless you move out way in the boonies all by yourself, you are part of some society. as soon as you drag a mate out there to be with you, you are part of a society.
If you are convinced that the material world is the work of Satan (see the Yazidi for a culture that does believe this), then none of my argumentation that follows will apply.
There is objective good, and there is objective evil. In my view, it doesn't matter whether g*d gave us free will or whether the Big Bang was just an act of chaos.
In any situation, we have a duty to be good. Most of us look past that for survival, or for a burst of dopamine. Some of us willingly engage in evil.
In my view, the ultimate power is good. does that mean that force hugs babies, lights stinky incense, holds hands, and sings kumbiayah? no. does that force create a arden of Eden for us to enjoy w/o personal effort? no
that power expects US to take the responsibility of being good; of understanding good and evil, of accepting duty, and of acting upon it
god gave us eyes to see
...a heart to feel
...a brain to judge
...and hands to fix things
I hope that gives a different perspective, and maybe some hope
Then back in WWII, being a good person was also being a good German Nazi?
a good citizen of Germany would have assassinated Nazis choosing their targets based on each Nazi's value to the national socialist movement.
The Germans had good sniper rifles; Hitler should have had the back of his head disappear early on.
The German people are not a good example of evil incarnate, either. Most people aren't good, taking easy excuses to NOT learn and to NOT fulfill their duty
You are on my mind to a significant degree right now. I see my post here (thank you) so you know where I am currently at which makes this difficult because I was feeling I might not have anything constructive to offer while you're in the middle of this introspection. But I've changed my mind about not worrying. In fact your strength of character is the reason for that concern now rather than a comfort..
I would like to share why that is, but not here.
Ah, and there he is.
I really want to write a long response here, but I have to give some thought to some of this first. Chat if you have a moment, I have probably an hour until my mom returns lol.
It seems to me that the problem with this question is the term "good" does not have a set definition. It's practical application differs from one society, group, and even person to another. If the person and the society have a similar enough view of what "good" means, then yes, you can be both. Even then though, a person with a different set of morals may claim you are not good at all.
I need to go back and re-read it to be sure I'm remembering it correctly, but I'm thinking C.S. Lewis "Men Without Chests" is a good parallel to this discussion.
You are too much like me..
I don't have anything particularly useful to add to the discussion, except to say I feel it's an important one, and I want to see where it goes.