CERN Chronicles #3 Sexy Rock´n Roll
This is the third episode in a series of stories about people and life at CERN, inspired by the six years I spent there as a staff member in a managerial role.
Previous episodes:
First Episode Second Episode
DISCLAIMER: This is NOT my own diary. Just reality-inspired fiction!
Just finished shopping. Got a 6-pack of French beer, a huge bag of chips, microwave-ready popcorn bags, self-heating instant noodles, tabbouleh and mineral water.
The French girl at the cashier looks at me as if I were a son of a lesser God. I don't care. I have a perfect survival kit for what I expect to be a hugely boring Saturday night, to be spent underground.
I am a CERN Summer Student, namely an undergrad in Civil Engineering who is spending 12 weeks at CERN during the summer. I was so happy when I got selected, as I knew I would get daily subsistence, exposure to a great lecture program, and a chance to spend time in a mythical place, home of the Large Hadron Collider.
As a matter of fact, I do feel a bit like a son of a lesser God here, not only because of French girls, but also because physics students look at engineers as if they were…!
Anyway, the whole thing is a lot of fun, but underground night shifts are not the best part of it. The last time I spent a night in the ATLAS cavern, watching a bunch of monitors, my team mate was a huge guy from Greece, constantly swallowing some mysterious foods and telling me stories about his family.
All Greek fellows I have met so far have an infinite amount of family stories to tell, most of them concerning their cousins. That was somewhat heavy to digest all night long, also because his favorite joke was replacing Large Hadron with Large Hard-On. And he kept laughing about it.
I don't know who is going to be my teammate tonight. It´s just 8.00pm, I am sitting in front of a dozen monitors, and the first two cans of beer are gone…
I should honestly say that I don't understand the meaning of the indicators on most monitors, but my mate is supposed to be a physics guy who can fill the knowledge gaps. As a Civil Engineering student, only the data from the hydrostatic level sensors (HLSs) grab my attention. Such sensors monitor any deformation or movement of the structure on which the ATLAS detector feet rest, with sub-micrometer resolution.
One hour later, while I am half-asleep, watching the HLS monitors, I perceive a very strong fragrance. The reptilian part of my brain knows that a female is here…!
And here she comes. The mate is indeed a female, in her late 20s.
“Hi there, what´s up? How are our little hadrons doing?”.
She´s attractive, and smiling. For this reason, I can't help but recalling the hadron/hard-on joke…
We start chatting, and she grabs one of my beers. Suddenly my Saturday night looks much brighter.
Half an hour later, the long-awaited event is happening! This is not about the Higgs boson discovery - I am talking about good, hot, old-fashioned sex with a colleague in the ATLAS cavern. I suppose we both want to be able to tell friends that we had sex in the ATLAS cavern, when we go back home.
She´s kind of wild, we are on a shaking table and I can see the HLS sensor signal which is completely unaffected by our activities (as it should). But…something crazy was bound to happen - the HLS signal suddenly displays a huge spike.
This can't be true, unless the ATLAS detector is going to collapse on our heads. For one split second, I wonder if our sex is so wild to affect the sensors, then the stupidity of this thought emerges naturally.
I manage to keep my wits and all the rest under control, nonetheless I can't stop thinking about that spike. I need to understand what happened.
The next day, the mystery is solved, and the explanation is almost as incredible as the sex-related one which I had figured last night…
I won´t tell you what it was – go and read it here !
nice fiction
French beers???!!! Come on! Please no ... :D