WHO Reports on Global Epidemic of Ignorance

in #satire3 years ago (edited)


Early this morning the WHO (World Health Oppressors) finally released a statement on the global epidemic that has been quickly spreading throughout every country, city, and neighbourhood across the Earth.

The statement comes in the wake of a recent study by Dr. Dangerous, a doctor and drug trafficker at EHE (Every Hospital Ever). The statistics show that a staggering 12 out of 13 adults in the West are currently afflicted with chronic ignorance.

Though scientists have now developed a means of diagnosing and treating the illness, perhaps unsurprisingly, no one seems to know what is causing the ignorance to spread from person to person so quickly.

@son-of-satire, a professional legend and anti-bullshit activist at Steemit.com has speculated on the issue, suggesting that the ignorance could potentially be an allergic reaction to the common nonsense ubiquitous throughout today's society.

Regardless of the root cause, studies have shown that two parents who suffer from ignorance are very likely to pass the disease onto any children they raise, making the need to stomp this ailment from humanity extremely urgent.

This is especially true, as a team of academics at eSay - a new start up where billionaires can bid on what scientific "discoveries" will be "found" or released to the public next - have extrapolated the data to reveal some shockingly terrifying projections. eSay posted the following warning on twitter this afternoon;

As of now, 12 out of 13 adults suffer from ignorance. The math reveals to us that if people continue to contract ignorance at the same rate, then by 2030, Bugs Bunny will be the President of the United States.

With the stakes so high, the WHO is suggesting that all citizens, of all countries, immediately get tested for ignorance. Self-diagnosis is rather straight forward we're told. One need only ask themselves the following three questions;

  • Are you both against the war on cash, and for cryptocurrencies?

  • Do you think that the purpose of school is to make children smart; that the purpose of hospitals is to make people healthy; that the purpose of the news is to keep you well-informed; or that the purpose of religion is to bring you closer to the Creator?

  • Is there any single race that can be added to the following sentence to make it an accurate statement? - All ______ are racists.



If you can answer any of the aforementioned questions with a "yes," then according the WHO, you are suffering from ignorance.

Treatment is again far from complicated, however, the medicine cannot be applied by the subject their self. If you or a friend are suffering from ignorance, then you simply need to ask another to follow you around and slap you in the face as hard as fucking possible every time you say something that exposes your ignorance.

Some patients have responded better to treatment when the words "read a fucking book, you doughnut" are shouted during the impact of the slap.

It is soon expected that the law in most countries will be amended to allow citizens to slap random strangers who are propagating ignorance without penalty of prosecution. For now, it is still illegal, but the WHO has recommended that you do it anyway, for - and I hope you will agree; the fate of this world and our species is more important than whatever punishment you might incur for doing the right thing.


Thanks for reading.


If you are reading from off Steemit and would like to reward my work to make my life a little easier, you can donate some BTC here: 1G9of7ha1zazxSp2s9fCbfVDPHccPqmc61


Some recent writings on vaccination: Satire / Psychology

Sort:  

Man, it’s brutal. I don’t mind people not knowing, but when you tell someone ”your children are being enslaved” and they don’t earnestly seek to understand what makes you say that, there’s a major fucking problem.

Yes. Perhaps I should have put "blissful ignorance" instead of chronic ignorance. For in truth we are all ignorant in many capacities, but it is the wanting to remain ignorant that is the problem.

All HUMANS are racist. Else, they wouldn't use the term race.
Like, really? Are we in a race? Where is the finish line? Do the losers get trophies too?

I am totally for the war on cash.
The war on drugs brought more drugs.
The war on poverty brought more poverty.
So, lets get this war on cash started!

And with things like the flat earth theory going around, how can anyone be not ignorant? I mean, the flat earth people have some really good points, and if they have some really good points, than what position can you hold? All we have left is known ignorance. (as opposed to unknown ignorance)

I am totally for the war on cash.
The war on drugs brought more drugs.
The war on poverty brought more poverty.
So, lets get this war on cash started!

Lol. Quite the observation. Perhaps you should take up satire yourself.

I have also recognized that the word "race" could be psychologically turning this into a competition for many.