Turning 50 is not that bad, or is it

Should I bring up the prostate exam right away, or leave the juicy bits saved best for last? Anyway, this subject came to my mind again recently. That apparant turning point in my life is getting close. Seeing Abraham, when you turn 50, don't understand, but maybe I will, in a while. Think what triggered it was a silly joke that I actually laughed out loud about, still feel a bit dirty about it. It sort of went like this: "To all women who gave birth; Now you know what it feels like when we men are having a cold." It is a layered joke, something I can appreciate, like British humor, think Bottom, Black Adder, the Thin Blue Line and so on. And now I wonder what tag to use if I write things like bottom. Do I need to censor it? Because I came to understand that the country where people say 'fuck' a lot are actually very 'anal' about saying it outloud in any kind of media.

But how about when it is being used in a tastefull artistic way? This is a post, I'm a writer and this is original content, bless you! And just like in all my posts, but one, I use my own photographs and/ or art. Or maybe that is too arrogant allready, because, who is to determine what art is and what not? A craft proven? Ah well, I'm drifting off, must be my age. So, what is it like, becoming that certain age? Well, you know it is about that time when people in your inner circle start using 'threats' and laugh sadisticly when they tell you what you allready know. "Turning 50 next year aye, aye?" Wink, wink, nudge, nudge... How on earth is it possible that now, all of a sudden they know my day of birth and the year I was born! There is a conspirency, I tell you and nobody won't tell you, unless you turned 50!

And I don't like birthday parties, it is fun for kids, but after that, come on, not me. Or when you are getting at grams or gramps age. The stress upfront and during, glad it is over, it is just like a yearly prostate exam. Something I really do not need cause I know very well when my prostate got bigger, you don't really need to tell any man that. He just knows and how I maybe telling you later. Just why it is that you first start to recognize you are starting to notice that you have shrunk, after you turned about 45. First I though that young people just got taller every generation, but then I noticed that it was something far worse! I was shrinking, just like in that old B movie from somewhere in the 50's. And the last few years I started to really notice that my arms got way to short and I needed to get reading glasses. Because there are not yet 6,5 inch mobile phones that are easy to use.

Dear reader, female or male, to become older is not that of a pain, just go with the flow, because resistence is futile. And you know it when you've entered that autumn period of your life when you start to talk to other people about all the things that don't work that well anymore. The time when you get scared to move your hands through your hear, affraid you can stuff a matras after that with what is left between your fingers. But we are all going to get there, so best to laugh at it, otherwise you are in for a tough ride. It is kind of fun to tell arrogant young people when they act as if they own the freakin' world: "Look at me, that is where you'll be in a few years too, hahaha..." That'll teach them to mock the elderly by saying stupid things like: "May I help you Sir?" Oh, and did I mention that I turned grumpy?

It is not really that bad, is it?

No, it's worse, way worse, now there is one upsite to this all. The older you get, the less you start to care about how you look, pants pulled up way up to your armpits, you won't even notice, because it just feels better that way. Going away on day trips in a bus, taking for ever to get there and then arrive home with an expensive product you did not need in the first place. Going on bike-rides, where you don't go all the way, but with an electric bike strapped to the back of your car, for an hour trip through the woods. Nooooooo, I don't want that to happen, please, someone, just shoot me! And I know, I could enjoy that special card when I turn 50, it comes with privileges, like discounts. But then I'd have to show it publicly...! But they allready know because the only parts of my body that still grow are my nose and my ears. Why? I was allready well endowed in those regions, for goodness sakes! Yes, in those regions I am...

Just for the record, I do like bike rides, and I like to travel but for longer distances I prefer travel by train. Don't want to sit in a bus all day just to get out in Prague for about ten minutes and then head back to Winschoten for another day. Yes, I know resistence is futile, I guess I'm getting a bus-trip with my dear to some city I've never been before, next year. Because that is what it is all about right? Rubbing it in like: "We had to endure it, and now it is your turn, MwoeHaHaHaaaaaa!" Well, I'm gonna make sure our house is barricaded the day before and after, no trespassing! And for having one of those blow-up puppets in our garden they would need electricity... Ha! Got them there allready. Or maybe there is another SteemIt Conference somewhere in the world by then, then I'd definitly go.

Touring through Europe

But first I need to go find a nice motorbike this week, I am thinking about buying a shopper, 70's style, 'born to be wild', that kind if thing. Allready can have a ponytail at the back of my head, pulled all hair that is left that way, but not to tight, of course. And now, for the bladder thing... For those men who have no clue what this is about. At some point in your life the pressure is high when you are ready to watter the plants. You even need to calculate the right distance before releasing the fluids. A few steps from the pot, mostly, is a safe bet. Well, let me tell you how you know your prostate is swelling up. The closer you need to stand to the toillet, the older you are, at some point I guess it might even be better to take a seat first. And then you'd have to remember the count to three rule. Meaning, if you think you are done, just wait and count to three, just to safe you from embarrassment after.

And if you need to go and you can't? Well, then it really is adviseable to go and see a doctor. And you'll notice when he, or she, puts on a rubber glove, gets out the vaseline and asks you kindly to bend over forward slightly. The strange thing is that you could have told the doctor that your prostate was causing the problem. All you needed was something to get the actuall swelling down! Ah, well, not all men do need to go through this experience and you can actually learn to live with taking more time out when taking a leak. Everything slows down anyway, so why not get more in sync with life, slowly saying goodbye to the fast lane. There must be an upsite to this all, right?

Living in the moment, here and now

That is the best remedy, I guess to any bother. Sometimes I do tend to forget that. But hey now don't be a smarty pants in the replies explaining to me how my mind will forget more and more as I ripe in age. I did allready figure that one out myself! Laughing at it, helps too. Enjoying the bicycle ride, seeing Prague and other European cities, even if it is too short, sharing with others who like that too. There will always be those who look like they never age, climbing the Mount Everest when they are 85. While they carry a 50 kilo backpack and smoke a big joint that their 25 year young girlfriend made. But let's face it, those are anomalies we'll be watching on TV at night, while enjoying our daily orange split in parts. And maybe you did not get it, but I think that it is okay, actually. Making fun of something that you might fear can actually help you to deal with it.

But don't anyone dare to put up some kind of stupid blow-up puppet at the front of my house when I turn 50! Or some kind of surprise thing that you know I dislike very much! Because I will forgive, but I will remember what I forgave when you turn 50!

Have a nice one!

Light live, love life.

photo cc-by-sa @oaldamster