[Expression] : Free write off the back of considering my Eulerian Destiny
I can't be bothered to edit this just yet, but it's raw and honest so I thought I'd send it. It might not make any sense, but it's off my chest.
I'll edit it in the next few days with images etc.
All text above was added afterwards. Eulerian graph was drawn out as the premise of this idea then away I went.
Spit it out
I'd just like to start off by saying that I am enjoying my time here on Steemit massively. I started my account back in December 2017 and I didn't properly start to get active until mid-way through January. It's been an experience to say the least and my appreciation for people has sky-rocketed. There is something monumental about receiving honest and genuine feedback from people so you can improve yourself.
I have worked as a tradesman for a few years now, going on a decade and I always told myself that woodwork was my destiny. I was hell-bent on becoming a master furniture maker and it just ends up sending me west. I pigeonholed myself and sent myself loopy while I was away from my friends and family.
If you have ever heard of your eulerian destiny, you will understand the concept that every person has a certain path that they have somewhat cemented into their subconscious. This path is adaptable and in an ever-changing world it's necessary to adapt and change your approach; don't get bogged down in what you should do. Mix it up.
Eulerian destiny
For those of you who aren't aware of the concept, I will explain it briefly with an amateur digital drawing which has been created due to every other picture being copyrighted. To add to the conversation, this concept was brought to my attention by some dude who hangs out in his garage with all his fancy cars.
The concept is that your destiny (the center of the graph), is constructed somewhat of the contents of the 4 individual circles. They all overlap and they play, in some part, to your destiny. This being your career, your ideal lifestyle or whatever you relate to being the destiny of your life.
I don't really care too much for the concept, it's cool but I just try to live my life without trying to control the aspects of my destiny (well at least I do now, maybe that's the secret?). The reason for bringing it up is because I find it odd how it relates to my past and how it's determining some of my choices right now.
Misconceptions
Although I managed to drift into the love for woodworking in my late twenties, maybe because I was intrigued and impressed by one of my family members workshops, I eventually lost the passion for it because of the associations I linked to it.
The work I did was bespoke and somewhat prestige, but it sucked the soul out of me. This could have been the workshop environment and the situation of being away from home but nevertheless, all intrinsic motivation was gone.
It's not that I didn't do well, I managed to place 2nd in the UK in the national heats. This could have been because of the modafinil I took or maybe because I just turned up to the day ready to roll, regardless; I wasn't bad.
On the Eulerian graph, I would have ticked off the 'stranger feedback' elements and the 'past 10 years'.
Like I said before, I pigeonholed myself into this career and I ended up sending myself crazy because I thought that was what I had to do. I walked away from this not to long ago and I still do the odd work for friends and family because it's fairly straightforward stuff.
So what's the point here?
What did I grow up around?
When I was a young guy, like really young, between the ages of 5-10. I would always say to my mum, family or anyone who asked; "What do you want to be when you grow up?" - I want to be an author or illustrator.
It's funny because I can't remember when I forgot about that. It just drifted off and the world sped up. You become a teenager and at least in my timeline, I had my anarchistic ways where I didn't give a toss about what was going on around me. I just lived and fucked about.
As I grew up and the question of; "What are you going to do when you leave school?" arose, I didn't really know. I was going to go to college and learn about music but I changed my mind at the last minut and decided to work with a family member fitting windows and doing certain elements of joinery. Eventually, ending up in the apprenticeship route.
It fizzled out after a couple of years and I ended up devolving into drugs and repeating some part of history where I didn't give a toss about the world around me again. The morals and respect weren't strong with me back then but I never did any real harm. Just expanded my mind I guess.
Then I moved back to the apprenticeship thing again. Yeah, I had done it already. But I moved out the country so I had to do it again (I know, total bullshit). 3 years later and 3 months away from finishing my apprenticeship I said fuck it, this isn't making me happy.
Life somewhat exploded and although there is underlying anxieties about various things, I've never been happier with where I am right now.
Why?
I can't completely understand why just yet, that will take time to work out. When I started to write and express myself honestly without lying to myself, I found that the pieces of mind started to line up. Almost as if there was a reason why I am doing what Im doing.
If you know me you'll know I started up BuddyUP, I just wanted to make something different. Try and bring together something that would help us to all improve better. I did it to bring people together first and foremost, I did it so that people could make genuine connections. It has evolved into so much more as I've shaped and moulded it into a place that people can grow in, it's got a much higher purpose than me. I'm just a speck among these people currently in here.
So how does my eulerian destiny look now?
Well... I grew up wanting to be an author. For the last 5-8 years I've learned what I can about self-improvement and human psychology and relations (and yeah, I don't have any degree or any of that bs), I've gained great feedback from people across this platform in the past few months and if you know me, I can talk about this all effortlessly. I can write about it effortlessly.
Is this my destiny?
Probably not. The world constantly changes and you can't tie yourself down to one thing.
What I do know though... right now, it's powerful. It's effortless. It's a part of me.
I loved this @calumam, I on the other hand, have never been concerned with my destiny, Everyone else around me feels that their destiny is set in stone, me on the other hand, I believe that my destiny is what ever I make it. I remember as young girl, being in love with space and wanting to be an astronaut, but I believe that was maybe because of the tragic life I lived as a child, space seemed like a better place to be than here, but as I got older and had a big ole slap of reality just to realize that I just wasn't cut out for what I really wanted to do. I tried all kind of things, I was a lost soul, just trying to figure myself out, what I like, what I didn't like, all while having these voices in my head telling me that I wasn't cut out for anything, so I tried everything. I fell flat on my face a lot. And even now, I'm constantly trying new things, just to fall flat on my face. The one thing that's been consistent ..... my pen and my notebook, I never aspired to be a writer, but I always wrote. Now, is that my destiny? I don't know, maybe so, especially since it's something I've done no matter what was going on in my life, no matter what job I had, I just felt that it was therapy. All I know is that I am glad to be here, and I am thrilled to have met the people that I have here, and when I do start to really put my writings out there, I can only hope that you all are captivated by it. I feel that I have a lot to offer, but don't we all. Sometimes I am amazed at the shit that I've overcome, I can't believe that I am still here to tell the tale. And now it's a matter of getting over the shame and embarrassment that I've felt when it comes to telling it all. I have read a lot of your stuff, and I can tell you that in the very short time that I've had the pleasure of conversing with you, you have certainly made an impact on my life.
I feel as though I'm very much the same. Life can be whatever you make of it, it's not set in stone at all, it's constantly changing. The people who believe their destiny is set for them are sitting in a cubicle 10 hours a day and coming back home to a partner they don't love and dragging up children because they have to for the sake of the marriage. This is not too hyper generalize but it is definitely partially true for the majority.
You must have so much to share if you've been getting out your pen and notebook over the years. I'm super interested in your stry and hopefully in time you can share with us some of your past. I wrote a post here where I opened up about my past a bit more. Maybe it can give you some inspiration to go for it yourself.
You are very kind. I'm just an average guy at the end of the day, I just value people a lot. I'm sure every person on the planet has that value deep down in them, so just don't understand it.
Thank you, and you're not just average, because you value people, that's not common these days. I read your post, thanks for sharing that with me. The picture of your accident made my heart drop. I am amazed that you or your passenger weren't hurt. You've been through a lot. I would like to ask you something, if you could go back and change anything... would you? I hear people say that all the time. I would not change a thing, every struggle, every mistake... it all took me to where I am today. I wouldn't be the person I am today without all of it. If one little thing had been different, who knows where I would be or what kind of person I would have become. And I did write a post, the first week or so that I was on Steemit, but if you'd like to read it, I'll leave it right here. I am proud of you for all that you've overcome, you are just awesome @calumam, I'm so glad that I've had the pleasure of getting to know you...and looking very forward to learning more!
Honestly, this reply yesterday well and truly made my day. It's nice to know that you care.
I wouldn't change a thing. I would be afraid that if I did I wouldn't have the same mind that I have right now. I lost my father at 4 and I know for a fine fact that if he was still around I would be a totally different man. There has been a lot of things that I could call a regret but they all pale in comparison to how much I would regret changing something and not having the same head on my shoulders that I have at this present time.
I dropped by your post and I'm glad you let me learn about your life too. I appreciate that massively.
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one to feel that way, I see people everyday that have had charmed lives and they just go through life complaining about this and that... they're never happy, they always want things they don't have, they want their life to be different, people like us, who have had tough lives, we're different.. we see beauty in things that other people can't see. There's often beauty that comes from tragedy, I embrace it!! You do too. It's so refreshing. I'm glad that I made your day! You have certainly made mine!
I agree with @monchhichi23 - I think we all have this beautiful scope and range of talents... and by trying things out, we start to narrow that focus and sharpen those skills and finding out exactly what it is that we are meant to do! and those things can change and expand as we delve into exploring! :)
Thanks for putting your heart out there, raw and unfiltered :) and the picture is so artistic ;)
You're totally right, things seem to work out when you forget about what has happened and what might happen. There is a space in between, the present, where you can just do. The more you take action, the more your destiny doesn't matter. Your destiny is right now.
I'm glad you liked the picture hahaha. I think I'm going to leave it how it is, might try and tidy the post up in the next couple of days though. Although it is raw and unfiltered, I still can't bring myself to put out half-arsed content.
The picture is so you! Lolol I see it and laugh because this is what I hear
Calumam: ohhhh I can't use any of these pictures??? What stumbling block!?! I'll do it myself!"
Love it!!! Lololol
Haha! You aren't wrong, copyright images won't stand in my way ;)
This sooo honest, brutal even.
Thanks for stopping by :)
It's just straight from the horses mouth!
Its a pretty interesting concept but i do not believe in destiny... we just make up things as we go and live life dealing with any inconveniences that come along the way.
Have you shared any pieces of your woodwork here on steemit? i would like to check it out of you still have some. Nice tags btw.
I totally agree. I fell into the trap of thinking too much about the future in the past. It's a lot different now!
I have a series that I'm going to keep adding too called [Tricks of the Trade] you can find it on my blog. Nothing exciting, just bits of MDF. The tags are fairly true haha! They fit in quite nicely.
Well, you definitely like to write and share yourself. I spotted your comments on a post the other day re: the new EOS Steem 2.0. I could clearly see you are invested in Steemit and doing your best to make a go of it. So thought I'd come check out your blog. So will follow. Blessings.
Thanks for noticing mate. I just think it's worthwhile putting in the time to share your honest opinion and if it's wrong or there is something conflicting... take it on board and let it change a part of you.
It's pointless being closed off on a platform like this!
Thanks for dropping by! I'd follow you too but I rarely use my feed, I am usually pulling all of my posts from Discord :)
From Discord. Hadn't considered that. Will give it a try.
Discord is where it is happening. We have a community over there called BuddyUP. If you want to drop by you can click on our SafeLink here.
Drop by if you like and send me a message, I'll help you out if anything is too complex :)
Alright! I will check it out. thanks. resteeming the connecting blog by @buddyup
This was absolutely deep and candid, and I love that. We do tend to pigeon-hole ourselves into careers or paths depending on the expectation of society. I am sure there are millions of people who got married for the sake of following the social script, or being in the wrong career.
It is something that terrifies me. I like to think that I have a variety of skills and things that I enjoy, and not really sure of what I want to end up doing. There is too much of a choice and I will only know once I try them out. Maybe I focus too much on the 'rest-of-my-life' aspect and the prospect of having a destiny. There's something about 'living in the present moment' which is crucial. I do not remember what I wanted to be when I was young. I never knew what I wanted. At teenage years, I thought I'd go into programming or accountancy or economics and now I'm studying psychology and writing poetry as a hobby. Totally something I would have never expected, and I doubt that my life is settled - I will have much more routes to explore.
I see that you value community a lot, and maybe that aspect never came out in your apprenticeship. Being good at things is not too tough, enjoying it is a different story. I am not trying to analyse your or anything (I've heard that stereotype of psychology students for way too long), but at times, no matter how good we are at something, we would rather do something different if it means that we get to belong to a community or help it grow. Whatever that means. All I know is that you just gave me more anxiety about my future, so, ugh, thanks!
Sorry, this is so late buddy. Just getting round to all my comments now.
I think you understand it so much but you aren't quite there yet because you have so much surrounding you with schooling etc. That's not to mean you don't get it though. I can tell you somewhat do from two things you've written down.
Obviously, you get this part of it. We've spoken about it in the last couple of weeks a few times. And also...
This was reflecting on my thoughts and I had to see it there to understand why it's so inherently important. I think it's just within us as humans. Our last known ancestors had families, tribes, communities and that was all they needed apart from shelter, food, and water. Maybe there is something in that.
To add, our last known ancestors hadn't developed the neo-cortex so certain elements of the mind weren't present. Once that comes into play we start to need something to enjoy and strive at to keep us occupied and happy without exhausting our brains and devolving into behaviors at the negative side of the moral compass. You can see this apparent with some figures who have a lot of money and time and don't keep their brains active enough.
So yeah, being a part of a community and living in the present. Strive to do better everyday by taking action. Honestly express yourself as an outlet to expand your mind; and don't forget to have fun.
:)
Yeah, I get that I am young and still studying, and experience helps us grow. Although, I did use to study accounting, computing, mathematics and statistics and because I was good at them, I thought that naturally, that would be what I would pursue in a career in. When it came to study them at university, it was just not the same and I was nowhere near happy or satisfied. Of course, I cannot say I have found what I wanted to do, but I get that it's more than being good at something.
I think it would be interesting to know why Gorillas (I think it was Gorillas) have large brains but compared to humans, they do not do complicated tasks. During a talk by one of the most famous neuroscientists, it was discussed that Gorillas have a very social life, including the 'boss' and a lot of social roles. Although they live a relaxed life, eating, sleeping and mating, their brain is larger because they constantly use it for the social importance of it - and it's a shame that at times, as humans, we disregard the social aspect and how important it is to our species.