(IJCH) The Last Time I forgot I wasn't a young man and pulled a "Jack Reacher" - Almost (or How I ended up with a Basilar Skull Fracture!)

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(IJCH) The Last Time I forgot I wasn't a young man and pulled a "Jack Reacher" - Almost (or How I ended up with a Basilar Skull Fracture!)

IJCH - Inside JaiChai's Head (meaning: My warped, personal opinions and musings)

From the Author:

Salutations.

I am JaiChai.

And if I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you before, I'm delighted to make your acquaintance now.

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and...

(A few years ago)

All I wanted to do was have some "Philippine champagne" (Red Horse Beer - at least 8% alcohol by volume), sing some karaoke, and forget about the recent argument with my girlfriend...

The Stage is Set

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It was about 3:00am and I found myself in the seedy part of downtown.

Why?

It was the only place still open that served 1 liter (Grande) Red Horse beer and had an open karaoke.

Besides, it was (what I thought) a bar that I could be left alone - and wallow in self-pity over a stupid argument I just had with my girlfriend.

Hogging the Microphone and Pleasantly Distracted

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All was honky-dory for the first hour (and first Grande).

Everything seemed fine and I was happy howling at the moon and guzzling my beer. And since no one had the coins - five pesos/song - or the ambition to sing, I had free reign over the microphone.

I remember doing John Lennin's "Imagine", the Eagle's "Desperado", Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight", Elton John's "Your Song", Jim Croce's "Operator", Stephen Speaks "Passenger Seat", Cat Steven's "Father and Son" (both voices), Michael Buble's "Home" - and a few others.

Yes, I was having a good time with my ambrosia and alcohol-induced, musical muse.

Furthermore, I was pleasantly distracted by a group of four lovely Filipinas who would applaud and flirt whenever I completed a song.

Never lacking for a good imagination, in my mind I had already bikini clad them, lined them up in front of my fish boat (basically a big canoe with external auxiliary stabilization/flotation pods) for a nice photo - before dutifully heading out to catch some fresh seafood for my "pulutan" (snacks eaten while in a round-robin style, "drinking session" amongst friends).

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All Good Things must come to an end - the Boyfriends arrive

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Of course, just as the girls were clapping and shouting for more of my drunk crooning, the ladies' boyfriends show up!

The men, especially one shady looking character who was obviously the ring leader of the group, did not appreciate my singing and was very pissed off about his girlfriend's intentionally extended applause.

I decided to stay out of their business, drink my beer, and scrape my way through a Bon Jovi song ("I'll Be There For You").

But as fate would have it, my night would not turn out to be a simple, fun outing.

The ring leader and his girlfriend began arguing (most likely about me, her and her friends behavior, or both).

I had to butt in when he began pulling the poor girl up from her chair by her hair.

Failed Negotiations

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When I tried to intervene with, (in their Visayan dialect) "Hey Man, That's really not nice. Why don't you two calm down a little? You can have a Grande on me, if you want."

He told me to go to Hell or I'd be next.

(Heavy Sigh)

Time to focus the ring leader's attention on me instead of his girlfriend.

"Gusta Mo?!" (You want - a piece - of me?!) I yelled to the ring leader.

Pointing to the nearby access to an alley, I said, "Diri." (Here.)

He let go of her hair, smiled, and pointed to the alley also.

The leader and his three flunkies followed me into the alley (those stupid motherf*ckers).

The Alley

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I tried to talk the leader out of any messiness, but they were Hell bent on beating my ass.

(Again, Heavy Sigh)

"Oh Well, time to dance," I said to myself.

The leader, as well as the men behind him, now looked confused with the sudden change in my demeanor; especially when they saw me start my stopwatch.

I honestly tried to stay within the Force Continuum, using appropriate and measured responses.

But early on, it was an obvious exercise in futility because, which I later documented on the official Police Report, "...the assailants were fiercely determined to repeatedly strike the top of my head, knees, and elbows with their faces."

The final scene of this drama showed the following:

1 - A disgusted me, blotting blood off my shirt with a handkerchief and brushing bloody dirt off my jeans.

2 - All the assailants were neutralized - alive, but in no condition to continue the fight.

3 - They were bloody, supine or prone on the ground. One was unconscious.

4 - The other three were squirming around in the dirt like discarded fish bait and nursing multiple injuries.

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According to my stopwatch, the fight took a disgraceful twenty-one seconds!

I commenced to reprimand myself:

"Damnit! Shame on me. That should've taken only nine, maybe eleven seconds tops! Sheesh! I've become lazy in my retirement years! Shit! A fuckin' sloth could fight faster than me now!" I said aloud.

But the four men on the ground were not listening.

All I knew was that I had a splitting headache!

The Police Station

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I left the alley and walked immediately into the police!

They took many pictures.

And in spite of my statement and the statements of witnesses, the Police insisted I go with them to the Station downtown.

Oh yeah, they also called for an ambulance.

Upon arrival to the Police Station, the images of the scene and the "victims" must've been the best entertainment that the other policemen have had in ages.

How do I know that?

In between fits of belly-holding laughter, they kept pointing at me, shouting,"You mean that little old man DID THIS to those young punks!?"

Then the wise, kind, and generous duty chief gave me these three options:

1 - Make a payment at the hospital for the medical care of the four assailants.

2 - Make a respectable donation to the Police Family Fund and immediately go for an extended vacation elsewhere.

3 - Spend at least 72 hours enjoying their "fine, luxurious accommodations" - complete with cockroaches so large they were named after continents! And be confident in the fact that no one has been seriously harmed while in Protective Custody.

Imagine that?

I chose option 2 - only because it was far cheaper than option 1.

"You Shoulda' Seen The Other Guys!"

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(Photo taken by my girlfriend while I was asleep.)

About 36-40 Hours Later

(~36-40 hours after the incident.)

Shit! Shit, shit, shit!

As soon as I looked in the mirror, I knew exactly the extent of my own injuries.

I clearly had a Basilar Skull Fracture.

Basilar Skull Fracture

A basilar skull fracture is a break of a bone in the base of the skull. Symptoms may include bruising behind the ears, bruising around the eyes, or blood behind the ear drum. A cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) leak occurs in about 20% of cases and can result in fluid leaking from the nose or ear. Meningitis is a complication in about 14% of cases. Other complications include cranial nerve or blood vessel injury.

They typically require a significant degree of trauma to occur.

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/)

Battle's Sign

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(Mastoid Ecchymosis)

In medical terminology, Battle's sign, also mastoid ecchymosis, is an indication of fracturing of the middle cranial fossa of the skull, and may suggest underlying brain trauma.

Battle's sign consists of bruising over the mastoid process, as a result of extravasation of blood along the path of the posterior auricular artery.

The sign is named after William Henry Battle.

Note well that this sign will take at least one day to appear after the initial traumatic basilar skull fracture, similar to Raccoon eyes.

Battle's sign is usually seen after head injuries resulting in injury to the mastoid process leading to bruising.

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle%27s_sign)

My Battle's Sign(s)

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Raccoon Eyes

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(Bilateral Periorbital Ecchymosis)

Raccoon eye/eyes (also known in the United Kingdom and Ireland as panda eyes) or periorbital ecchymosis is a sign of basal skull fracture or subgaleal hematoma, a craniotomy that ruptured the meninges, or (rarely) certain cancers.

In layman's terms, blood from a skull fracture seeps into the soft tissue around the eyes.

These signs may be the only sign of a skull fracture, as it may not show on an X-ray. They may not appear until up 2–3 days after the injury.

It is recommended that the patient not blow their nose, cough vigorously, or strain to prevent further tearing of the meninges.

Bilateral periorbital ecchymosis (raccoon eyes) may be bilateral or unilateral. If bilateral, it is highly suggestive of basilar skull fracture, with a positive predictive value of 85%.

They are most often associated with fractures of the anterior cranial fossa.

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raccoon_eyes)

(Of course, not noticing that the junk coming out of my nose was cerebrospinal fluid instead of snot, I had already blew my nose several times before I fell asleep. And through the night I periodically woke up due to spontaneous coughing fits!)

My Raccoon Eyes

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Epilogue

And to add insult to injury, I developed spinal meningitis.

Damn, that's painful!

I left the area and went to a place where no one knew me and treated myself with some heavy duty pain meds, IV antibiotics, hyper-nutrition, and recuperative therapy, etc.

It took a good eight months to be back to normal.

Imagine that?

By JaiChai

(Sections of this article are excerpted from: https://steemit.com/blog/@jaichai/ijch-guardians-of-the-hooker-universe

Thanks for stopping by.

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About the Author

Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of High School early; only to earn an AA, BS and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life – while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps Medic.

In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he performed high altitude, free-fall parachute jumps and hazardous diving ops in deep, open ocean water.

After 24 years of active duty, he retired in Asia.

Since then, he's been a full-time, single papa and actively pursuing his varied passions (Writing, Disruptive Technology, Computer Science and Cryptocurrency - plus more hobbies too boring or bizarre for most folk).

He lives on an island paradise with his teenage daughter, longtime girlfriend and three dogs.

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"My mind was a terrible thing to waste..." - JaiChai