I am the same. You may know about the big 5 psychological traits. One of them is agreeableness, and people high on the trait demonstrate those qualities - inability to say no, desire to be nice to everyone in order to maintain good relationships with them. This becomes so important to agreeable people that they would rather hurt themselves than risk displeasing others. Psychology helped me a lot to figure out my shortcomings and bring them under control.
That said, it is not really easy for me to say "no" to people even now. I have to do it in my line of work very often, but when I don't pay attention, I almost have an auto-pilot for "yes". To fight that, I consciously try to take time to say "yes" in my mind first, then think about it and decide whether a "no" would actually be a better answer. And if it is, I am usually not half bad delivering it in a clear but polite fashion.
Thanks for the story. You reminded me about something Daniel Pink said in one of his pinkasts. If it's not a hell yes, than it's a no. Giving yourself time to say yes first in your mind and check if it's a real yes sounds like a great strategy.
We should teach assertiveness in school because is indeed import not only to say No but the way you say it. You can be polite but ferm or you can be rude and this is not anymore about boundaries.
Daniel Pink once said if it is not a hell yes, then it's a no. So no.
This is my new apology phrase for saying no from now on. =)
Good one:)) bookmark his link also and give it to people. I've done this
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I love this quote, it really resonates with me!
Thanks. It is alinamarin's quote, though)