"Death is the ultimate goal in life" a statement that came out from Carl Jung's perspectives on inferior functions. My heart sank as I listened to my professor talk about Jung's stand on how each individuals preparation for death could attain self-realization as a person reaches old age. Are we really preparing for our own death? I asked myself as I daydreamingly contemplated on death & dying since we are also currently experiencing a sudden loss in our family. Losing someone very precious to you can definitely push you to your limits and can emotionally shatter you to pieces. It is not the ones who passed away who can experience this terrible pain & grief, the ones who are left behind are. The thought that everybody is associating with death is I think about two notions: One is the fear of the unknown and the other one is the fear that death will always be certain.

We are all life travellers. We venture in this life not knowing how it will end or how it will start. We all experience this life for the first time. No respawns,no reruns no retakes. We only have one shot at life & death is already anticipated...

Last week as I was browsing some articles in the @steemSTEM tag, I came across @abigail-dantes blog on Visits from Lost Loved Ones & Out-of-Body Experiences which left a great impact on me and my recent emotional pain. So I decided to write a blog on what I am feeling about the sudden loss to eventually free myself from the chains of sorrow and despair. My anxieties are killing me forcing me to be inactive these past few days in the blockchain. What makes this even worse is another personal problem that I have been hiding,which adds up all of my psychological baggages. To be honest I must say,it sucks to be me right now.

This Too Shall Pass | The 5 Stages of Grief

During my first few months here on this platform I remembered writing a blog about
Ending a Relationship | Things You Need To Know About The 5 Stages of Grief. It was kind of messed up I agree since I was still starting as a writer. I am re-writing another article about this since I know that everyone can relate to the agony a loss can bring in someone's life. Not only does it connect with a loved one's death but it can also be associated with break-ups in personal relationships. You heard me right, I said break-ups and ending relationships. The depressing feels you get from experiencing a loved one's death is I guess the same tormenting feels that you get from detaching to a relationship that you once treasured on.

In this section, we will talk about Elisabeth Kübler-Ross famous perspectives on grief as presented on her 1969 book "On Death and Dying". In periods of bereavement, we should understand that not everyone experiences each and every stages and the way people grieve maybe different from what Kübler-Ross has emphasized. Each individual will experience it differently. Some may look like they are okay on the outside but is terribly broken on the inside or some may look like they are mourning by the loss but deep inside they are not. Understanding these stages will help us understand where we are in the grieving process.

1. Denial

To hide the immensely powerful attack of the first wave of pain,the typical response would be denial. "This can't be happening!" Everything seems meaningless and unfair. It's like drowning in an endless sea while refusing to accept the reality. The reality that they are gone for good and that they will never ever come back. Denial is a defense mechanism helping us get away with the excruciating pain a sudden loss could offer. We tend to block the shock of pain by rejecting the truth. You are mandated by your emotions to go numb. Everything that you once once ,completely changed and that's why you deny the current situation & you tend to cling on a false hope that everything will go back to how it used to be.

2. Anger

Once everything already sinked in and denying the reality couldn't help you contain your overwhelming emotions anymore you start to feel enraged with the world. You start to get furious and angry about everything including yourself for letting everything get destroyed while being defenseless. You then blame others including your significant others for experiencing this anguish. Being angry should not be bottled up inside you. The more you are willing to release all those boiling emotions, the higher chances that you could free yourself from it. So if you feel like letting it out, then do it. Being openly upset is much better than being empty. At least you are releasing all the negative emotions you have been keeping locked away inside you. But too much of anything can contribute negative results. While its okey to release your anger,you can transfer those negative energy to doing worthwhile activities. In doing so, it can prevent you from hurting others and of course to yourself too.

3. Bargaining

When you lost all hopes to patch everything up, desperation kicks in. When people become desperate they would do anything to make everything the same it was before. You will trade cards or even bargain with God just to spare your loved one's life or for a significant other to not leave you behind. " I will do anything if you wont leave me, I promise I will change." Or " God,please save my son's life I swear I will be a good mom." All of these typical scenarios are bargaining. Trying to avoid the harsh reality of a loss could make you believe that everything can be fixed with negotiation. These thoughts are not helping you get through this grief instead it is making you believe on false hopes and unrealistic what ifs.

4. Depression

People often associate grief with depression since both share the same dark characteristics; Emptiness & Isolation. Life lost its meaning. Everything seems empty & blank. It's like floating in an endless space where your thoughts are too noisy & all your senses began to numb. As you welcome depression in your grieving condition you refuse to activate your social state. You began isolating yourself, locking yourself inside your room or staring at your empty ceiling consciously immobile. Depression is another typical response in grief so as much as possible do not snap out of it, embrace it as validation of what you really are feeling. But staying on depressive state for a long period of time will not be healthy for you anymore. Instead of accepting the loss you've been experiencing you might never get away from it.

5. Acceptance

Hope can never die, it wont. It's just waiting for you all this time. So when the last stage kicks in hope was finally noticed. It's not a bad life after all, you just need to rewire your thoughts that things may not be okay but eventually you will accept it. You lost someone very dear to you or you might even be the one who will. Thing is, acceptance might not be the best solution for you but it's all you have so deal with it whether you like it or not. In this stage, you are already bringing with you your own sunshine and you begin to engage again with others. You finally learn to live your life again. Readjustment is very important in this phase, since a new life has already began. Giving your heart a time to heal can give small doses of acceptance. It might not be a quick and easy process but eventually it will move mountains. It will save you from desperation & guilt and all those nasty lingering emotions you have felt when you were lost in grief.

Grief Versus Major Depressive Episode

It's common for people to cry and to feel sad about a sudden loss of an important person in their life but what's not common is maintaining that bereaved atmosphere for a long period of time. Grief is an important step to fully overcome the sadness and emptiness felt of a tragic loss of a significant other. It is okay to measure one's emotional pain to be aware of how grief should last and to achieve emotional healing despite the loss. That person might be getting worse, they might fall into Major Depressive Episodes or worst it might even develop into a Major Depressive Disorder. I wont be talking about (MDD) here but rather I will just put emphasis on the difference between grief and major depressive episodes or (MDE) as highlighted by DSM-5.

In grief the usual response would be feelings of emptiness while in MDE it is persistent depressed mood. Feelings of grieving may decrease in days or weeks but in MDE it might gradually increase over time. People who are grieving associates their sadness with the memories of those who have left unlike in MDE the person is seen to be self-critical and highly preoccupied with guilt and negative reflections. When a bereaved person thinks about death and dying they will have thoughts about joining the deceased or having regrets with the ones who passed away. Whereas in an MDE, the individual is focused on ending their own life because of feeling insanely empty,worthless and a desparation to end up ones misery because of the significant loss.

To end this article I will leave you this quote for you to reflect on if we are sharing the same emotional pain & affliction...

The sadness and loss and aching pain of the heart will “lessen as time passes,” but it isn’t true. Sorrow and loss are constant, but if we all had to go through our whole lives carrying them the whole time, we wouldn’t be able to stand it. The sadness would paralyze us. So in the end we just pack it into bags and find somewhere to leave it.
_{Fredrik Backman}

References:
1. Death- The Psychology of Dying
2. Death and Dying | Psychology Today
3. The Psychology of Death
4. Understanding the 5 Stages of Grief
5. The Five Stages of Grief | An Examination of Kübler-Ross Model
6.Symptoms of Major Depression and Complicated Grief

Further Reading:
1.American Psychiatric Association, Desk Reference to the Diagnostic Criteria from DSM-5,"Major Depressive Disorder" pages 94-97

Images from Pixabay:
1.,2.,3.,4.,5.,6.,7.,8.

Love & Light,
@sakura1012

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_{I am a proud member of @steemstem, a community which encourages engagement & active interactions through STEM(Science,Technology,Engineering & Mathematics) posts. For more information you can visit the community page through @steemstem blog or you can join us in discord through this @steemsteminvite}