Clearing my mind... seperating the important things from the trivial ones!

The last five years I have been through some pretty rough times. I am not going to complain about my life here, I am not that kind of guy.
But sometimes life is a real bitch, you get some though luck, financially, it happens, but I am OK now. That was the smallest of my problems...

(I need to use a long leash with the dog, because he still loves to run to other dogs, he's merely 6 months old)

The hardest nut I had to crack when my father passed away. He was diagnosed with type 3 astrocytoma in his brain in february of 2012. Thanks to a very good surgeon they could remove almost everything surgically, which was unforseen before the surgery.
Then he got radiation on his head 60 times to try to kill all the other cells. He went through hell there, got severe burns on his head from that, needed to take Medrol, and all other types of medication to hold back epilepsy, the problems he had with his balance, headaches, etc...

But he got through this. But then came the really hard part. Because the bad prognosis of this disease, 98 % relapses within 2 years after treatment, he had to undergo a new scan of his brain every three months, and all the worrying that hangs around that. He was not the man he was before the operation, more scared, less optimistic, and he couldn't work anymore, he was officially disabled, and that hurt him mentally. As an only child and the fact that my mother passed away 15 years earlier, I had to be there for him, a lot! I'm glad I did it, too. Because after 2 and a half years it was back, fiercely, numerous tumors in his head, lungs, liver, on his ribs... There was his death sentence. He knew it, but tried to keep me optimistic although deep down I knew more. The hospital and doctors reluctantly kept giving him chemo and treatments that weakened him even more, although there was no real purpose to it. I am still really pissed and angry for that, they should gave given him his last months without treatment and let him live instead of dumping all sorts of terrible drugs in him in a hospital... No his last months were hell, and I just let it happen, because they still give you a little hope, just to sell their treatments. Horrific that is!

Now, 2 years later, I have the feeling I can live again, the psychologic hell I went through during and after his illness has passed. I can look forward again, to the future with my family. And that's good, because you have to have grief before you can cope with something like that.

Yesterday, during my weekly soccergame with my amazing team, which are all buddies of mine. I had to take a penalty kick in the last minute of the game at a 3-3 score. The captain asked me, "you take it!?", because our normal penalty kicker is injured.
I was ok with it, you do that for the team. But, damn, I just kicked it straight forward and the keeper saves. I was pissed like a m**********r. I cost my team 2 points, because it would have been the winning goal. My day was fucked, I was so angry with myself...

I went to the beach with my dog, to clear my head. The dog had the time of his life, he jumped in the water like a penguin. I laughed, cheered, shouted, ... It was fun. And then it struck me: "Why, in god's name are you letting a missed penalty kick ruin your day, look what you have been through allready!"
It came clear to me, I took one for the team, so what... At least I'm alive, at least I can enjoy life...

I made a promise to myself there and then, that I will never let trivial things like that bother me again!

Sincerely,

Pele23