Reducing Complexity In Life: Unmatched Expectations Are A Big Source Of Anguish

Let's talk about expectations, cars & drinking coffee with horses.

That'll make more sense later but for now I want to say that the more I learn about how life works, the more I come to certain rather simple conclusions.

I've written previously about how freeing it is to the soul to declutter physical possessions that either no longer serve a purpose or perhaps represent former times that are not particularly healthy to cling on to and as nine months have past since I last touched this topic here and here I thought it was time for some further discussion.

Shakespeare was one switched on dude. The gap between expectation and reality is where the insidious demons of mental anguish flourish. More on expectations later...

In those posts I spoke of "liberation" when freeing yourself of the ownership of useless things or items that serve only to occupy more of your resources; whether that be time cleaning them or money maintaining them.

Sure, setting out to do a cull on a weekend is a great bang-for-buck approach when it comes to immediate improvements in terms of mental health, but what happens when you hit the law of diminishing returns?

I've recently been learning, I feel, the same lesson over and over. It's true that expensive possessions don't buy happiness but I've learned that we really should be taking that concept one step further. It is perhaps the case that expensive possessions actually actively act to reduce happiness?

I've found that the older cars that I've owned have generally been the ones that I've been more happy with, in general. Now of course my first car had a number of things wrong with it: One of the rear windows would wind down but because one of the the window switch poles was broken, it wouldn't wind up again. I had to take the switch out and swap wires to get the window back up again!

It had damage to the paint work and a small amount of rust on one of the A pillars... but I was proud of that car and enjoyed the freedom it brought me. In later years as my resources grew, so did my expectations when it came to cars. When inspecting them I'd be fastidious about the condition. Even new cars I would find faults with and have the dealer rectify prior to delivery.

I suppose having a keen eye for detail is a useful skill but there's a consequence. Taking delivery of a perfect or near perfect possession means that ever occurrence of deterioration (and things do deteriorate, that's a constant in life) will be done "on the owners watch" so to say.

I recall the feeling of the time a friend of mine put the first and only scratches on a brand new set of polished 18" wheels that I'd bought for my first V8. I was so proud of the condition of that car and to see that condition go from perfect to "that's a shame" took a hit on my emotions negatively.

Bad friend! Those new shiny wheels had set me up for bad emotions.

Each dent and scratch that a car collects comes with it a mourning for the loss of the condition that had taken so much effort to maintain. It really is exposing your emotions to outside influences which is not a good thing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for caring for and maintaining the possessions in your life so as to maintain a sense of personal discipline and function for as long as possible, but when it comes to modifying your behaviour to such an extent - say choosing not to park at a place as the carpark looks full and you don't trust the doors not to be dented by other patrons - then perhaps it's time to assess the net impact of the cost of ownership.

I mentioned expectations earlier. Using the automotive example once again, the most expensive cars I've owned have triggered in me the highest expectations and, I feel, these are often unmatched. When features stop working or when little rattles, squeaks, or thumps start developing in an expensive car, I've found that I get quite upset. It makes sense in a way. Having forked out a lot of hard earned cash, one expects the best in return. When paying a smaller amount, the odd rattle or broken switch has next to no impact on me as that's simply what you expect from a cheaper or older car.

I've observed this in my own life recently. We have two cars, one worth many multiples of the other. Interestingly, we often use the cheaper car when going on trips for a number of reasons.

• To keep the KM down on the big car so as to reduce its depreciation
• It allows us the freedom of parking in "vulnerable" positions and not be as concerned about damage that may occur from a runaway shopping trolley or a clumsy child squeezing past the side.
• The rattles and other imperfections mean nothing as discussed above.

If I were to sum this up, I'd say that in general I'm actually happier and less mentally concerned with minimising damage in the cheaper car than the dearer one. What a bizzare situation to find oneself it.

I'm hammering the automotive example here simply because it's a convenient one to make a point but the principle of being less emotionally attached to the physical world and the positive outcomes that has on state-of-mind are observable elsewhere.

Don't fight nature. Entropy, or "the lack of order or predictability & gradual decline into disorder" is a fundamental principle of life. It happens to items in the physical world around us and to our own bodies - with the notable exception of Sean Connery who looks good at any age!

Now to reward you for reading this far, let's get back to drinking coffee with horses. I'd woken up this morning, expecting to just be writing a Steemit post. I was pleasantly surprised when the horses and chickens took an interest in my typing from the glass door.

I went outside with my morning coffee to say hello to them all and I really enjoyed the moment. The horses were so keen to discover what was in my white coffee cup that I decided to share it with them. I had a great chuckle watching them lap up the good stuff and, to be fair, the were pretty elegant about it too!

It's interesting that I was writing about expectations and reality. The fun and therapy of simply having a laugh with a cup of coffee with our animals far exceeded my expectations for the morning and hence it had a positive emotional impact. It's that sort of thing I'll be pursuing with vigour!

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