Emotional intelligence - the superpower that can bring you success (Part 1)

Emotional intelligence may sound like some fluffy feel-good version of being smart, but in fact, it’s critical for both your personal and professional success. Many years ago researchers believed that intelligence (simply put, your IQ) is the prerequisite for success, but nowadays it seems that your EQ is more important. Some researchers even say that every point increase in your EQ adds more than a thousand dollars to your annual salary. It is really amazing, isn't it?

Simply put, it’s the ability to recognize and understand your own feelings and the feelings of others, and influence those feelings to your advantage. Put that way, it sounds kind of like a superpower, right? It helps you to improve your interactions with people and manage yourself more effectively by eg. surviving the stress of modern life. This means developing strong relationships not only with others, but also with yourself.

And it all starts with understanding your own emotions...

Let strong emotions blow over before reacting. If you’re in a bad mood, everything around you takes on a negative tint. Like, why are your coworkers laughing so loud right next to your desk? What’s so funny? Are they laughing at you?

On days like this, you’re probably tempted to lash out at others, which, of course, will only make things worse.

What you need to do instead is pause and try to understand what has put you in such a foul mood. Whatever it is, the feelings will probably pass soon enough, so why should you let them dictate your behavior?

Similarly, when you get excited, don’t do anything rash. Instead, take a breathe and examine where your emotions come from and consider the consequences of your actions.

In this series we will explore emotional intelligence and put together a toolkit to find and develop this superpower in yourself.

Some people are very good at reading body language, they can judge what others are thinking and respond accordingly. They can calm a coworker who's angry or reassure a friend who is stressed. They certainly have a high level of emotional intelligence.

There are many theories about the meaning and breakdown of EQ, but I like the one offered by Bradbery and Greaves in their book 'Emotional Intelligence 2.0'. They argue that EQ has four different elements, let's discuss them now:

1. Self-awareness
This is the ability to understand your own feelings and behaviours.

How well do you know yourself?

Self-awareness is more than simply knowing your likes and dislikes: understanding your emotions plays a huge role in it. It is important to understand why you feel the way you do. Being in a bad mood, doesn't necessarily mean that you have to have a bad day...

When you find yourself in such a bad mood, just remember that such feelings do pass. Whatever has put you in a bad mood cannot possibly mean the end of the world, so why do you need to overreact?

Same happens when you are in a brilliant mood, eg. excited about something. In this mood you might get to quick conclusions (eg. buying something you do not really need), because your emotions are up high and you forget to pause and ask yourself 'is this really what I want?'

Remember to always consider what the consequences of your actions might be. It might feel good to say harsh words to someone when you are angry, but what will happen afterwards?

2. Self-management
It is about behaving properly in various situations.

Many of us find it challenging to manage ourselves. To practice better self-management, you need to balance your emotional and logical sides. I recently wrote a post about it, you can find it here:
https://steemit.com/brain/@ksolymosi/the-monkey-side-of-our-brain

One useful tool when you are faced with a tough decision is to make an emotion versus reason list. Just draw a table with two columns. In the first one, write down what your emotions are telling you to do. The second one is for collecting what your logical side tells you to do. After you have finished, just check which list has the stronger points. You may find that your emotions are clouding your judgement...

3. Social awareness
When you know how to manage your behavior and you understand your feelings, you will be able to read and understand the emotions of others. This element is all about this ability.

To become more socially aware, there are two things that you should try to do.

First, watch a person's body language to get a sense of what he is feeling. Especially eyes, mouth and shoulders tell you a lot: is he relaxed, confident, honest, open, sincere? How he is related to you? It's all in the body language!

Second, greet people by their names. This will help you to come across as a warm and trustworthy person. Calling someone by his name will strengthen your relationship with him.

4. Relationship management
It is about building stronger and better relationships with the important people in your life by understanding their and your behavior and reacting appropriately. Relationships take a lot of time and effort to maintain, so it is not all the same what happens with them. What can you do to make better relatioships?

First try to avoid sending mixed signals. In order to stay credible, your body language should approve your words, otherwise your communication will be confused.

Second, it is important to get feedback from people around you. We often take feedback badly or simply ignore it, but it is a wonderful skill if you are able to take constructive criticism. Just remind yourself that the other person is looking out for your best interest and try to use his feedback to improve yourself.

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