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RE: Parents Should Nurture Freethinking and Disobedient Children
However, we need to raise children who understand and respect boundaries. Too often, "challenging people with power" can encourage a level of entitlement that gives rise to abusive and corrosive treatment of others. As a parent, I raised my children to be independent free thinkers but I also raised them to be respectful adults. I taught them the difference between aggressive questioning and true questioning that is borne out of curiosity. I too wonder if SterlinLuxan has children and tend to disregard comments made by non-parents although he's noted several important points in his post including the need to raise independent-thinking children who will be encouraged to grow into their true selves.
My son has a tendency to try and talk over adults when they're talking and that is one thing I jump on him about.
Wow is that important. Never considered that distinction, though I've spent more than enough time in forums to recognize the difference hah. Thank you for that.
Glad I'm not the only one wondering the same :)
I'm going to start contributing more to the #parenting channel. You should join, @florentina!
@blakemiles84, I never knew the distinction either until I married a man with a personality disorder and noticed how he "questioned" his kids. His so-called curiosity was intended to intimidate and emotionally manipulate his children and it resulted in them feeling shamed, defensive and confused. To my dismay, these kids themselves began using aggressive questioning as they entered their teens as a way to assert authority within the family. My own kids would become confused, then angry, at their step siblings and eventually became more guarded in their responses. I recall explaining the difference between aggressive questioning and true questioning at a "family meeting" but my ex mocked me the entire time and told me that my kids and I were too sensitive. I believe more than ever that the path to a better future and a more just society begins with raising children with intelligence, empathy and deep love. I did the best I could when I was a young mother but oh, to be able to go back twenty years and do it all over again knowing what I know now? I would, in a heartbeat.
Thanks, I'll check out the parenting channel!
After reading your comment @florentina , I wanted to say that I am glad you didn't stoop down to your ex's level. The pressure others give us is a huge part of some of societies issue. Some can get under the skin and make us give in (because they make others feel it is supposed to be that way, whether we like it or not). I am glad to hear there ARE parents who follow their heart. For that reason, your kids will get further in life and know how to handle things. Your step-kids will only know how to handle things aggressively and that is not good. I also like that you said you would do it all over again :-) I still to this day, feel guilt about the few times I spanked my son. I will never be able to forget the look on his face (that was the last time I hit him). He is not afraid of me, but it took a few years to overcome that, anytime he did something I was not ok with. I hope these posts help others.
We are seeing that in society right now -- a horrible, malignant sense of entitlement among millennials and gen x-ers. I believe that a balance should be struck and maintained when raising one's kids -- if you're going to punish them for doing something wrong, explain why what they did was wrong and then explain how the punishment fits whatever transgression they committed. Blindly saying "because I said so" doesn't cut it and will just piss off the kid (I know it pissed me off whenever my parents said "because I said so."
Telling your kids to blindly question authority and give the proverbial finger to every single authority figure they come across, and to encourage them to be disobedient little hellions is no good either.