Therapy is a Waste of Time....

I have reached the conclusion that I think therapy is a waste of both my time and money. I'm not saying it isn't worth your time or that it isn't beneficial. The thing is, I don't think it's ever going to really help me any more than it already kind of has....

A little back history, I endured trauma during the developmental phase as a child. Caused PTSD. There were a lot of traumatizing things that happened during my youth and adolescence. Most in the "domestic violence" type area & child protective services would have, at one period, had a field day. Anyway, didn't / doesn't help that I'm the oldest of four and I remember everything. I'm glad my siblings were spared from some of it though. But they didn't get through unscathed. Our four walls were never stable. No matter where we were living (father was military.)

As early as 18, my Mom tried to get me in therapy, of which, I wouldn't go. I didn't want to open up and also did not think paying someone else to hear my problems would help. Years later at 25, after being medicated for a couple years with some success in symptom reduction, I did try counseling.

Officially diagnosed with PTSD, major depressive disorder, and bipolar disorder. Thing is, I have always been acutely aware of my issues. The bipolar disorder was always there and I inherited it from my father, who refuses to get help. The awareness of my problems started me to research psychology extensively and also minored in it in college. So, prior to even trying "cognitive behavioral therapy ", I had a lot of insight.

The counseling at 25 lasted 5 weeks. The person started going the "religious" route and I'm not religious. I was pissed to say the least as I thought the person would respect my boundaries with that. Very unprofessional. I had already spilled my guts to this counselor and had I known this was his chosen route, I would've never told him a damn thing.

That further made me not trust people which was already and to this day a major issue. I usually just brace myself for the worse with all people and situations. That way I'm never dissapointed or at least not disapointed for long.

That's part of radical acceptance after all, accepting that life can be painful. I didn't learn much from counselor #1 other than one analogy - that traumatized people are similar to a tree that had a nail or object in it, but the nail was never removed so it grew in a warped fashion. The nail(s) being all my painful events that I never "dealt with." Suggesting if I did "deal" with them "my tree" would be "fixed."

Okay, is there any way to remove the tree from that fence? No. They are one. The painful experiences are a part of who I am. I also lost my best friend in 2003 to a tragic car accident. There's no way to "remove" that. So that therapist didn't know what the hell he was talking about.

Therapist #2 - first visit asked me "had I ever thought that my parent(s) had their reasons for not taking better care of me?"
The first session was the last session. There's not ever a good reason for child abuse. Bye now.

Therapist #3,4,5 - more of the same, also treated me like my problems weren't "that bad", or would forget major things I had previously told them about. Or would spend the time "teaching " me about my diagnose(s). As if years of research didn't allow me to understand what clinical depression is.

Therapist #6/ current one: most competent one to date. Has helped me. But seems to be stuck on trying to "diversify" me. Like, I have to constantly be doing stuff. My running and exercise and hobbies and interests and career are not enough. If my mind was more "cultivated " with more activities, then I'd be better. Like seriously?? I am an introvert at heart. I can't spend all my time doing other things because then I don't have time for what I do want to do!!!

Haven't seen current therapist in a month, think I'm going to permanently end things there. I'm 29 years old, I'm on a medication regime that works. I understand my conditions. Going to therapy is just another stressor for me. I've accepted the past. I have accepted it is normal for me to be sad/depressed/melancholic over things. There's no "cure" for the "nails " in my tree. It is a part of who I am. Time does not heal all wounds, merely lessens the severity and frequency of re-experiencing them.

I am done with counseling. Just going to live my life the best I can. At the end of the day these counselors are just people themselves. They can't fix bipolar disorder. They can only help you with ptsd, they can't cure it. They also can't cure clinical depression.

That being said, competent counselors do exist and can help. I've been seeing this last one for about 4 months maybe, at the most. I'm not going to keep going for years on end. I'll just take the medication. It helps. Everything else is things I will just have to continue learning about, ACCEPTING, and coping with by enjoying the hobbies I already have.

I'm not a counselor or mental health professional. This is just my story and thoughts. Doesn't mean it will work for you. Also doesn't mean ongoing counseling will not work for you. Just doesn't work for me. Peace out steemians! Stay well and do what works best for you. ♡♡

Image source 1: https://www.asklatisha.com/emotional-roller-coaster-ride/
Image source 2: google image search
Image source 3: my own image