[The Infamy Series] Character Assassination | CPS loves this

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The Infamy Series, introduction

I recently decided to start a series of post called: The Infamy Series... And I already have a list of different posts I want to write in this series, but let's start with this one first.
The posts in this series will be about some topics regarding to infamous topics I personally had to deal with, or read a lot about.. or maybe sometimes both. Some of these topics are still stigmatized, and I want to change this. I want to raise awareness about the consequences for people dealing with these issues. Hopefully you will find them useful in some way!

What is the legal definition of character assassination?

Because not everybody may be formiliar with the term, let's start with explaining what character assassination is when you look this up online.

Character assassination is an attempt to tarnish a person's reputation. It may involve exaggeration, misleading half-truths, or manipulation of facts to present an untrue picture of the targeted person. It is a form of defamation and can be a form of ad hominem argument.

I guess this clears things up for most people, certainly when most people do know what assassination means. In simple words you may say it's an attempt to completely tarnish a person's reputation, and this can be done in many different ways. The people that are doing this to someone, are usually very creative and find many new ways to try to accomplish the person's character assassination.

I had a person in my life, that tried his very best to assassinate my character

Unfortunately I did not realize that he was doing this, until it was going on for quite a long while. It was not until the moment I found out (being in a women's shelter with the two oldest children) that he probably was a narcissist, and that he was trying to do everything to make it look like I was the "non-functional" one in the relationship. At this point his "slaughter campaign" against me had been going on for years already. He started to do this at the moment we once seeked help for some debts at the municipality when I was pregnant of my oldest daughter. It seemed like a logical thing to do at the time because if they would have helped us correctly, we would have been cleared of that debt when she was still a little girl.

Instead of getting the help, this was his start of making me look bad

Every time we came to agreements about what the next step would be in this process, he gave me a bit of time to get used to this, and after a while he began to protest. This is a narcissist trick actually, but I did not learn that until years later. Everything looked good, I had my own income (that was actually bigger than his at a certain point, and I guess that may have been the problem) and we would get the help soon. Then he made sure he fired at the people there that he found it necessary to let them take over the whole income for us, as he did not think I could do this myself. I was mostly angry at him, how could he do this? I was doing a very good job all these months with my business, and now this was the issue? The municipality then suddenly told me they thought this was a good idea (of course they did, because that would give them more control). I was not happy and protested a lot. That's where the first marked me as a person that "did not cooperate" with the help offered. Actually there was no help offered yet, but still, I did not cooperate.

I had no clue that this period in my life would hunt me years later after seeking help myself

I was clueless, I admit I really had no clue about the system I was living in all these years. So when I was running for our safety, I expected (like all the others that advised me to do so) that they would be on my side. But instead they took the opportunity to listen to my ex, and his stories about the fact that I had not been cooperating all the time, and they just saw the money in their eyes. In the meanwhile my ex started to fire almost every single thing that actually was something that he did and that was in his character also (so repeatedly behavior for years) as if something that I did all the time. And I started to recognize this at a certain point, because that's what narcissists like to do: mirroring their behavior .

This had provided them a false look on who I was and what my skills are

Instead of them recognizing (what I hoped they would do) the results of a woman with actual skills and not a low IQ, understanding that the behavior was a result of being in a toxic relationship before I seeked their help. And because the picture had already been painted out so good by my ex, he started to add more things to it every single contact their was with CPS or other people involved in our case.
At that time I did not doubt myself anymore, like I did at the time that we were still in a toxic relationship, but it most definitely gave my confidence a kick down every single time.
I felt like every time I had to defend who I am and what my skills are this is not a nice feeling, at all....

While I had been cooperative all the time in the shelter

Even though my ex kept changing the agreements we made like every month, I made sure the children would not be the victim of his behavior, and just managed to get by somehow. It was hard sometimes to get things done in that period, because there was not always a woman available to babysit the children, and I was actually on a tight schedule during weekdays, because of the rules in the shelter and school of my daughter. I hoped that my attitude during that time would help them see that I was not the person he painted me to be. This was not the case though, you need to realize that once you are profiled a certain way in their documents, it is really hard to change this! And even if someone does notice other behavior, probably they will not change it in their documents because that would mean they were not handling your case correctly. And of course CPS does not like to show that they made mistakes.

Some examples of the slaughter campaign against me

It went really far, the way my ex tried to put me down. And sometimes I could not stop crying when I found out something new.

If you recognize some of these things, and you are in a toxic relationship at this moment, please understand it is very likely that you are dealing with a person that may have the characteristics of a narcissist or even worse... I would really like to make sure you understand that this is very alarming, and advice you to get away from that person as far as possible.

The most denigrating thing may have been to use a picture that was taken from our own computer, a very let's say personal picture. That he threatened to print out and and put on our window for the neighbours to see. Of course you don't want this to happen, and even though he never did this, I was afraid he would.

Then he also made anonymous phone calls that I was on drugs, also a very common thing that those kind of twisted people tend to do to make sure CPS will have a certain opinion on you. He tried this trick with several people in the women's shelter I stayed at, and one time even on the phone while we were sitting on the other side of the desk with the social worker. And she responded with: "We don't suspect this at all" which kind of made me feel relieved at the time, but he did not stop after this time telling them this.
The "funny" thing about this is, that he is probably a drug dealer himself on a very large scale, and very deep involved in a big drug network. Which I could not prove at the time, but adding up all the little pieces of the puzzle this is my only solid conclusion. Certainly because I know the stories from before our relationship.

In our house we had been discussing the fact that he may be a flight risk with the children if he would not get "his way" because he was in a bad spot at a certain moment. And I never spoke about this outside the house.. All of the sudden there was something in the documents saying: " That he did not come and get the children as I would then go to the police for him abducting the children" and he did not want to be seen as that kind of person.
This was another proof of him hacking into our computers/audio at that moment.

What was also very harmful to me personally, was the fact that he secretly seeked contact with my mother, who I was not on speaking terms with for a while due to good reasons. And behind my back he had been visiting her very frequently he said, and he told in one of the meetings with CPS that she said that there was something weird about me all these years, that I may have borderline disorder. You can understand this is not nice to hear in a meeting with CPS and especially not while it's about my mother allegedly saying this about me.
Later I checked with here about all these things, and this was not the case, he actually even made up the fact that he went there weekly, because I saw my mother's agenda, and this had been at least 6 months and only happened for a few times. But as he told the CPS workers this, they assumed this to be the truth.

Behind the scenes I was not looking very 'good' for people that did not actually know me

And this was also confirmed by the police officer that was opening the stalking case against him months before we left Holland. She confirmed that they (CPS, her colleagues at the police station that I had spoken to for other incidents and my ex) made me look like a fool. And she said someone had to interfere much sooner, as they could have noticed this was not your normal case of two people breaking up... I knew this already, but it was good that a third party confirmed this.

My way to let this slaughter campaign stop without letting it get the best of me

Add to this all the gangstalking that had been going on for months in a row, and those things that they will do to you actually will drive you insane easily, especially if you are on your own, it would have confirmed the picture he painted of me all these years. And I was not about to let this happen, I got out by leaving the country, as I felt like I would not be able to get above these things being in that city any longer.
Now, a few years after we left, I can honestly say that I was right, and this was probably the only way to let this come to an end without losing total faith in my own capabilities, because even though you know the truth, it still hurts to constantly have to defend yourself against everybody that is on your case.
If I had to make this choice again, I would without even thinking twice, because now he can make me look bad all he want, but because I don't know about it, it doesn't affect me any longer.

But when someone is doing this to you, it is really really hard (especially when dealing with CPS and agencies like that) to not let this get to you. Because dealing with CPS is already a very difficult and stressful thing on its own, and that's exactly why those people do this, because they know you are under a lot of stress already. And this will show...

Thank you for reading the first post of this series...