Positive Post. Positively

Positive

          Sometime we have a very hard time remaining positive when everything is falling apart and you fell like you are falling apart also. This I absolutely understand beyond a shadow of a doubt.

          23 months ago, I quit smoking. It was not really my choice, I would have preferred to continue to be a smoker. Sometimes wants and needs get mixed up. I want is just a desire, I need is reality. I needed to quit smoking because I was going into the hospital for surgery. I kept my want alive right up to almost the last minute. I smoked right up until the taxi pulled into the driveway to take me to the airport.

          I know not so positive a start, to a positive post. December 4th. I am not likely to forget that day. The doctor was positive I would only be in the hospital for five to seven days at the most. He was very positive about that because I asked several times. It was winter and my wife was at home with our little dogs and she does not like to drive on the snow and ice, and I was concerned about snow and the driveway. So the doctor kept assuring me that no more than 7 days. He was positively wrong.

          Ten days later they are releasing me from the hospital. Of course that positive doctor did not tell me I would need to have someone drive me home. Guess what, insurance will pay to take you to the hospital, but not to take you home from the hospital. I was not allowed to fly, even in a puddle hopper, (small plane). To much chance of something going wrong with the altitude. So the hospital helped and got me a ride home. While it may only take 40 minutes at tops to fly to Anchorage, in the winter it takes 4 hours to drive

          Oh but there was one thing the hospital neglected to tell me. The driver was only allowed to drop me off at the hospital in my home town, not at my front door. Well 30 miles or so away from home is better than almost 180 miles from home. I was able to take a taxi the rest of the way home.

          The reason for the need to quit smoking was lung cancer. The reason for the now flying was because one half of a lung was removed, and they were concerned about the pressure on my remaining lung parts and on the internal stitches. The reason for the ten days verse the 7 days max, is to this day unknown by me, the doctor would not say.

          Yes there are still problems, there is still pain, and there is still weakness. I may not be able to walk as far or for as long as I used to. Going on a long hike is out for now, until I rebuild some lung and muscle capacity. All the x-rays and drugs do take a toll on oral health and your teeth. Massive antibiotics take a toll on the guts, and the hard to breath at times takes a toll on your mental well being because of the frustration.

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The Positive

          I am still alive after almost two years. I am finally feeling a lot better and more energetic that I have in the last several years. I am, according to all the test, still internally free of cancer. I know I will never be as capable as I was physically even a few years ago, but I am alive. I was extremely in that they caught the cancer very early and that it had not spread. It was growing and a lot larger than was shown on the initial pet-scans, but it is resolved.

          I will, I am sure be able to do more in the coming months, as like I said I feel more energetic, muscle wise it will take a while to rebuild them, and to rebuild my lung capacity, but over all the outlook is very good. Life still goes on.

          I know there is a lot of shit in the world, I know that people want to fix the shit in the world. I know that no matter how much we desire the change until we need to do something about it the desire is nothing but a want a wish that things were better. If we take the time to make one day a little bit better than the day before, we will overcome the want and be doing something that helps our need for a better life.

          Let me leave you with a picture to reflect on before the sunsets.

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In support of Positive vibes in a not so positive world............................