6 Reasons Why You Should Study Revelation of John: A Lop-sided Take

Man, I want to visit the planets Mars and perhaps play with some Martian chocolates, supposing said chocolates, may be procured for half the price of a spacesuit on Mars eh? You’re pretty correct. This is the fevered mind of someone like most who are tired of all the shenanigans this earth (o it’s a planet too don’t forget) has to offer. Just imagine: North Korea is playing with missiles, not just missiles but bloody nukes all in an attempt to cause catastrophic and irremediable destruction to Donald Trump’s duckies. It beats me why they are so concerned with Donald Trump’s duckies though I wouldn’t mind swimming all day and some in that pool with the only reminder that my skin could become pretty very much water logged which may require an unplanned visit to the dry cleaners. Humph.   

And to put something of a dampener on these fevered thoughts clouding my eyes, I turn for a remedy (not grandmother’s remedial solutions which may be very edible) to the book of Revelation written by a certain John (not surnamed Doe) and find that when certain persons read the Revelation of John, what readily comes to mind is probably thoughts about North Korea nuking Donald Trump’s duckies and the consequent hellish roasting said duckies will experience for a time, two times and half a time, as Daniel 7: 25 would have it. They’re not to be blamed however because the only things reading or studying the Revelation (which means “to reveal or make something known that was secret, like shining a light,” if you’re still in the dark), presents to them is North Korea nuking Donald Trump’s duckies, as James Thurber in his write-up ' My Life and Hard Times,' tells us about the Get-Ready Man, unexpectedly and in surprising places persistently bawling - "GET READY! GET READ-Y!" "THE WORLLLD IS COMING TO AN END!" So imagine the utter surprise when it is discovered that:

1.   Revelation teaches how to review 

In the Revelation which John received from divine sources, the reader is faced and perplexed by a great deal of inconsistent detail. The description of certain creatures is so fantastic as to boggle the mind. Who has ever seen a creature with four faces or a creature with seven heads and ten horns except perhaps in movies like Star Wars and Guardians of the Galaxy? Come on: in the Star Wars Universe, Jabba the Hutt, showcases only one head though he does have a very blubbery torso; even Chewie showcases one head and lots and lots and lots of hair and Admiral Ackbar is a fish which we understand is just part of the fun of make believe. Ah! I recollect the many Wesen who woge in the TV series ‘Grimm.’ However, Revelation like Obi Wan Kenobi trumping the Sith Lord, Darth Maul on Taatoine (you know that place with twin suns), checks one, checks two, and three – slices these fantastic monstrosities with a pat on their cheeks like “I told you so;” “And another sign was seen in the heaven: and see, a great, fiery red dragon having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns on his heads.” (Revelation 12: 3). Considering how monstrously fearsome this beast is, I suppose some knights at Arthur’s round table will be going to sleep with nightmares about what it would take if they were to seek out the dragon as to cut of its heads and plunder its crowns. Whenever said knights around Arthur’s table wake up with a pounding headache it becomes apparent and imperative they find out just what kind of gas our “flame on” o! not Scotch please and what’s that trigger word Daenerys in the Game of Thrones uses; red dragon having seven heads and ten horns with seven crowns on his heads (ah! Its masculine) breathes so they can well, prick it for visual effects with some properly crafted swords from the foundries of. . .. who doesn’t like plunder. Just think about what jewels those crowns hold. This approach certainly calls for a review of current and future combat techniques fellow knights.     

 2. Revelation teaches using figures of speech  

 During the review of our aforementioned red dragon with seven heads and ten horns on its heads and seven crowns, which the knights around Arthur's table consider good for and ripe to plunder, an examination turns up a startling detail: the gas masks the knights thought to use in the great battle are just as mythical as the knights around Arthur’s table. Wow! It’s just a figure of speech and North Korea still hasn’t gotten round to nuking Donald Trump’s duckies yet which calls for input from the games commission given the mandate to rig up a board game for fun and relaxation, as these figures are puzzled throughout Revelation. As an example, a reading of chapter 17, explains this detail about our fearsome monstrous beast:   

“Here is the mind having wisdom: The seven heads are seven mountains on which the woman sits. “And there are seven sovereigns: five have fallen, and one is, and the other has not yet come. And when he comes, he has to remain a little while. “And the beast that was, and is not, is himself also the eighth, and is of the seven, and goes to destruction and the ten horns “And the ten horns which you saw are ten sovereigns who have not yet received a reign, but receive authority as sovereigns with the beast for one hour.  “They have one mind, and they shall give their power and authority to the beast.” (Revelation 17: 9-12).    

Earlier in Chapter one, John saw:  “And I turned to see the voice which spoke with me. And having turned, I saw seven golden lamp stands; And in His right hand He held seven stars; The secret of the seven stars which you saw in My right hand, and the seven golden lamp stands: The seven stars are messengers of the seven assemblies, and the seven lamp stands which you saw are seven assemblies.” (Revelation 1: 12, 16a, 20).   

This is not a new pattern of imagery in the Bible as is readily seen from the very first book: Genesis.   "And Joseph dreamed a dream, and told it to his brothers. So they hated him even more. And he said to them, “Please listen to this dream which I have dreamed: “See, we were binding sheaves in the midst of the field, and see, my sheaf rose up and also stood up. And see, your sheaves stood all around and bowed down to my sheaf.” And his brothers said to him, “Shall you indeed reign over us? Shall you indeed rule over us?” So they hated him even more for his dreams and for his words. And he dreamed still another dream and related it to his brothers, and said, “See, I have dreamed another dream, and see, the sun and the moon and the eleven stars bowed down to me.” And he related it to his father and his brothers. And his father rebuked him and said to him, “What is this dream that you have dreamed? Shall we, your mother and I and your brothers, indeed come to bow down to the earth before you?” Genesis 37: 5-10. Yeah! Breaking News!!! Game Commission Says, Game On.  

3. Revelation teaches math 

Okay! This one is for math heads. If you think egghead is more appropriate, don’t act surprised if chicken invaders from North Korea pay you a café visit. Did anyone hear something about nuking Donald Trump’s duckies? Math class is tough for most, me inclusive especially when it goes beyond switching ones and zeros in a game of rock scissors, but Revelation comes to the rescue to enable you score some squares and it does this in a fun way by making you calculate the length of a city. Check this out: 

“The angel who spoke to me had a golden measuring rod with which to measure the city and its foundation stones and wall. Now the city is laid out as a square, its length and width the same. He measured the city with the measuring rod at fourteen hundred miles (its length and width and height are equal). He also measured its wall, one hundred forty-four cubits according to human measurement, which is also the angel’s.” (Revelation 21: 15-17). 

Disclaimer: I am at liberty to not solve this particular cube but I shall point you to another part of the game board where the same figure appears and it will be recorded that I have performed my civic duty and leaked a cheat. However, this requires you ride reading backwards, using whatever form of locomotion available to reach chapter 14 of Revelation (Another cheat leak: Watch the Movie “Ready Player One” to get the first key).   

“And they were singing a new song before the throne and before the four living creatures and the elders. No one was able to learn the song except the one hundred and forty-four thousand who had been redeemed from the earth.” (Revelation 21: 15-17).  Cheat activated, civic duty performed and with all of my heart, have a great day solving squares everyone.  

4. Revelation teaches history 

Speaking of duty to the society, Revelation has a neat way of assisting students of history especially if they have studied the book of Daniel, writing extensively about nations, imaged the Babylonian, Persian, Grecian, and Roman Empires. Wow! That’s four empires and some ¬– the “iron mixed with clay” composition of our present time (Daniel 2). However, in his writings which were divinely inspired and confirmed to be copyrighted from the enlightening dreams of King Nebuchadnezzar (citation required), he mentions he was sworn to secrecy and could neither confirm nor deny the events which would (Spoiler Alert!) be written about in Revelation. After all, that is what Snowden planned to do to the National Security Agency (NSA), the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), and the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI). In other words, John may be said to be a whistle blower of the “I am not a Champions League referee type but a leaker of hush-hush not before known future details about States. And, and he leaked without Julian Asanga’s WikiLeaks, secrets about the evolution of States from the time of the Roman Empire till beyond North Korea’s plan to nuke Donald Trump’s duckies. Additionally, unlike Snowden who had to initiate road runner type races to leak his cheat sheet, John was leaking right out of Patmos his jail Island surrounded by quite a body bit of water. The Revelation is therefore, a source material for how to leak details of the dinner your wife is planning to prepare for that party or just about any piping hot or chillingly cold beverages too – pun, tongue-hanging-out-of-mouth-intended.  

5. Revelation teaches politics Thinking about leaks, most leaks at the state level is due to state craft or politics and there is a whole lot about this politicking which a budding statesman may learn from perusing Revelation in line with the dictionary definition of politicians as deceitful in their nature. Just imagine for a moment how many phantom nukes North Korea has flown towards Donald Trump’s duckies and you begin to get the picture. 

John leaked details about how certain persons with the assistance of the Praetorian guard, symbolized in Chapter 6 verse 4 of Revelation by the Machaira: a large knife or dirk (Liddell and Scott Greek Lexicon), gained access to power and influence in the Roman Empire between 180 CE to 211 CE. This was the period of Commodus; Pertinax; Didius Julianus; and Septimus Severus; to mention a few. Another political struggle is also leaked in Revelation 9, and don’t ask me about North Korea eying Donald Trump’s duckies.   

6. Revelation teaches time consciousness 

This brings me to the lessons about time consciousness which Revelation is excellent at teaching. You see, an awareness of what time it is prepares a person for breakfast - very nice meal, lunch or supper and of course the essential rest which the body requires to properly digest and utilize all the nutrients  absorbed by the body. In the same vein, Revelation allows the reviewer a glimpse at what is happening, and how to relate with what is going on at any particular time frame such that if the reviewer firstly understands that all John’s leaks are about events which (from the time of John’s leaking) are about to occur, if and when North Korea completes the nukes for Donald Trump’s duckies, people, people, people, it is then time to go find shelter preferably in a place, or a time, far, far, away. And how do I know this? John leaked it.    

“To point out unto his servants the things which must needs come to pass with speed, ––and he shewed them by signs, sending through his messenger, unto his servant John.” (Revelation 1: 1). 

From the above statement, the things John is leaking are things which will come to pass, not things which have occurred before. This what makes John’s leak a continuation of Daniel’s leak (I wouldn’t mind a review of their ancestral tree to confirm if leaking is a genetic condition found in their forebears). Let’s see Daniel’s suppression: “But, thou, Daniel, close up the words, and seal the book, until the time of the end.” (Daniel 12:4).  And see what John says about Daniel’s sealing of the book: “And I saw, upon the right hand of him that was sitting upon the throne, a scroll; written within, and on the back, sealed up with seven seals. And I saw a mighty messenger, proclaiming with a loud voice––Who is worthy to open the scroll, and to unloose the seals thereof? And, no one, was able, in heaven, or on earth, or under the earth, to open the scroll, or, to look thereon. And, I, began to weep much, because, no one, worthy, was found, to open the scroll, or, to look thereon. And, one of the elders, saith unto me––Do not weep! Lo! the lion that is of the tribe of Judah, the root of David, hath overcome, to open the scroll and the seven seals thereof.” (Revelation 5: 1-5). So much for whistle blowers Daniel and John. Have fun learning and you’ll do well to remember that proverbial ‘pinch of salt’ while reading the above containments. Now whistling . . ..  

Random notes

1. I have included passages from the Scriptures but I have not confided in you which particular version I used, so I hope somebody does not  . . .you know, you know.

2. Politicians are defined as -   One who deceives or outmaneuvers others for personal gain: distrusted him as the office politician. (American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fifth Edition. Copyright © 2016 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved). 

3.   The Praetorian Guard, being the only large permanent body of troops allowed in Rome itself, or near the city,  soon acquired great political power. Members served 16 years, receiving special privileges and pay. They gradually began to exercise their political power in an unscrupulous manner, deposing and elevating emperors at their pleasure. In AD 193, after the assassination of Emperor Publius Helvius Pertinax, they sold the throne to Didius Severus Julianus. In the same year the Guard was reorganized by his successor, Emperor Lucius Septimius Severus. It was abolished by Emperor Constantine the Great in 312. (Microsoft ® Encarta ® 2009. © 1993-2008 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved).  

4. Anything else? Yes:   TV Series: Star Wars Rebels; & HBO TV Series "Game of Thrones" based on the books contained in “A Song of Ice and Fire,” by George R.R. Martin