Poetry Dice 23 Entry: Remembering the Future
Memories of the Future
Remembering
Days when
We sat still
Chatting about our important nothings
Back when the world spun way too fast
When our attraction was stronger than bees to flowers
and your honey tasting kisses would send me to the future.
It was as if our palms were being read by witch doctors,
but we always knew the key to our joy
Calling on each other instead of pride
As our happiness manifested into a home
Where we laid down roots
And planted seeds
Bringing us
Happiness
Thank you, Robyn and Ren for continuing to put on this inspiring contest. I initially tried to start this poem with a Fibonacci sequence. I got 8 word lines before I abandoned the idea. I just wasn't feeling it. I also used the visible side images as well. I was trying to relate the way our memories foretell our future. thanks for reading.
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Upvoted this is so cool
Sweet. :) I'm thinking of young hearts planting seeds into each other's souls in naive innocence and passion that grew into a lasting and unforeseen part of the universe. The fruit of such a union is as cool and unimaged as the first planting of the heart's seeds. Very nice!
Thank you for your very nice comment. I appreciate you stopping by.
It was good work so the response to it was no trouble
Thansks dear sharing this wonderful post. I always see your post
Hello, I'm sorry I never replied to your comment. I do appreciate you stopping by though. Thank you.
Nice imagery, very detailed. Good post.
Thank you for reading and commenting. I'm sorry I didn't reply before.
Well done. I like this line a lot..
I need to get back to the dice challenge one day.
Thank you. I just recently started back with it myself. I definitely appreciate the inspiration.
aesthetically, your poem is definitely inviting - creating a coherent shape that defines the start and end is always cool to see, and difficult to execute, good to see it here, @moeknows.
this is an interesting concept, creating within the confines of the imagery you've shown above, and you executed well; spinning a nostalgic, coming of age narrative. warming and pleasant.
well writ, Moe; can't believe you were going to further limit yourself with Fibonacci sequencing, especially with all the limitations already in place. Honestly, impressive as is.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you! I'm sorry for not replying when you made the comment. Yeah, the fibonacci was a bit too ambitious, but I may try it a a later time with syllables. I still couldn't see it going more than 7 lines though. Thank you for commenting, I do appreciate it.
Overall I really like this. I think you incorporated each piece well. Something about "witch doctor" throws off the flow of the poem when I read it.
Thanks. Yeah, I probably forced this one a little too much. Sorry I didn't reply sooner.
No worries!
I'd replace "Chatting about" with "Speaking of", which still fits the speech-bubble, and perhaps even better.
I'd consider changing the last two lines to:
To make it even more of a root going down. But if the entire shape is supposed to represent a tree, and this is the trunk rather than the roots, ignore this comment.
Now, I don't have a lot to say, because this was just lovely. You know I often have a lot to say, but sometimes I like how all I want to do is smile at a poem. This is one of those.
Thanks for your comment. Sorry for just now getting to it. I went back and forth with a lot of different words for chatting as I felt the word was kind of cheap, but ultimately I felt that it best portrayed what I was trying to convey. I'm sure there's another word out there, but didn't feel like putting in the effort to research it.
You're right about the ending. I didn't intend for the piece to take on any shape, but my original plan would have had me beginning and ending with a Fibonacci sequence so I finished that way for the final four lines.
Thanks again for your comment.
Don't mention taking time. I have tabs open for a month now, that I need to get to. It is how it is.
This was a great read! It is impressive how you dealt with the challenge without requiring to go in absurd amounts of length. The imagery you provided was consistent with the emotional context. My favourite part was when you compared your attraction to the bees and flowers and kisses to honey.